[Mari]

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[bizi]

I am sorry that you had a bad time last night....
stories from the past aren't always good ones....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Mari]

Bizi,
My sister blames me for all the bad of her childhood and much of her adult life too. I told her I was a child too and it wasn't my fault that our parents put so much responsibility on me to raise her and the brothers. (I was only 2.5 years older than her.) And in fact, I know that I mitigated some of the craziness of my mother.

Sister insists that is was my fault. She has a long list of grievances related to my being put in charge of her and our brothers.

I cried for a few hours last night and don't know how I am going to get through the day at work today.

My siblings have distanced themselves from me.
I miss them terribly-- in part because I did raise them and care for them.
My parents don't like me either -- but then they don't like people except each other.


I feel alone and damaged.
I'm also surprised. I thought I had dealt with this in my 8 years with my old tdoc.
Mari


I am going in to teach today with red eyes and a puffy face.

[mymorgy]

Bizi has such a gift of saying things so gently...while I tend to use a sledge hammer. I will try to figure out what to say later..usually I write just spontaneously but this one is too too painful. Right now my heart is so going out to you...You have been scapegoated all your life....there must be so much buried guilt among your parents and siblings...Thank God you are you.
Many hugs
Bobby

[bizi]

Dear Mari,
it breaks my heart to hear you so sad.
I can't believe they have abandoned you like this.
Of course it hurts you....
just reading about this hurts...

[Mari]

Thank you.
Today was a very difficult day.
I spent years getting over the crazziness of my mother and the anger of my father. I have let them go. I expect nothing from them now.

Now I see I will have to let go of my sister too.


That's the only way I will be able to live.

M.

[befuddled2]

Mari,

I know the pain of siblings not being in my life but yet I know I am better off. If mine were willing to do family counseling I would suggest it. One of my brother lives about 600 miles away and they one in town just don't give a hoot. I feel for you.

befuddled2

[mymorgy]

I think you are right about letting your sister go until she comes to terms on how much anger she feels towards your parents...it sounds as if it far less threatening for her to use you as a target rather than your parents. In the past my sister has said some pretty creepy things that made me realize how deep her pathologically was...I don't even think a therapist could get at it since it is so embedded.
I think you will find it easier to let go than you imagine...
Bobby

[Mari]

Originally Posted by mymorgy

I think you are right about letting your sister go until she comes to terms on how much anger she feels towards your parents...it sounds as if it far less threatening for her to use you as a target rather than your parents. In the past my sister has said some pretty creepy things that made me realize how deep her pathologically was...I don't even think a therapist could get at it since it is so embedded.
I think you will find it easier to let go than you imagine...
Bobby

Yes, Bobby,
Sister has joked about the crappy job our parents did and told me to "get over it."

Well, I'm so over them that I am done with them. She's next but it will take me a little time -- almost like a mourning phase.

The part I bolded in your post is what my tdoc said a while a go.

I like my tdoc because she thinks my parents were exceptionally incompetent.
I asked her why mine would be any worse than those of her other patients.
She said that usually ONE parent is semi-competent and can make up for the failings of the other -- not the case here. : (
So, when she said that I felt validated -- whether it was true or not.


I'm sorry that your sister is hostile to you.
M.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by befuddled2

Mari,

I know the pain of siblings not being in my life but yet I know I am better off. If mine were willing to do family counseling I would suggest it. One of my brother lives about 600 miles away and they one in town just don't give a hoot. I feel for you.

befuddled2

Befudded,

Thanks. I hear you.
HA! I'm trying to imagine any of my group in counseling.

Families members could be a wonderful source of connection for each other. And it is sad when that can't happen.

Mari