Hi,
I feel that all I do is work and try to sleep.
That is my life.
Usually that is plenty because both are very difficult for me.

Today I had to go to a meeting at work that included a visitor. After the meeting, everybody took off and I was stuck taking the visitor to lunch.

I had a very difficult time making casual conversation. I've met her before. We are not strangers. I am comfortable with her.

But I had nothing to say. I could not even finish my own sentences.

I was embarrassed for myself -- not sure if she cared.
And now I am depressed. 'Time to hide for a while and cry. I've made such a mess of myself.

M

Mari

That honestly is not something you should be the one upset about.

I would be very upset with the co-workers that left you to take
or have lunch with the visitor. It was their job to intertain too.

And that is them dropping the ball not you. I totally relate
though. I didn't have a good day yesterday, because I had
to spend the whole day at Indy for appointment, and testing.

But the bad part was I had to leave so early I didn't get
to sleep, so I shouldn't be tired now, I overslept and my poor
son missed his bus this morning.

But yep, I'm beat, and I have myself to thank. I'm home with
no rhyme or reason I should be trying to do something constructive.

At least then I wouldn't be tired.

Heehee, I am tired of hearing my family when I am home. So now they
are gone, for an hour then its me and derrick, and we go pick up
some friends.

ANd then its a while till we come home again.

Donna

YOU ARE NOT GOING EASY ON YOURSELF...THAT IS A BIG BIG NO NO
you have to be gentle with yourself..it is so hard to do coming from your background. I wish I could sing you a lullaby if I had a voice and we were in proximity..hug yourself and receive my cyberspace big hugs
bobby in a fog herself-i can't even talk on the phone although i did have a therapy session-she said i was jumping all over the place. i wasn't aware.
Bobby

I'm sure that she knew that it was the end of your day,and you where exhausted. She knows how tough life is.

I hate to say it,but I know fellow workers. You see,they don't care. They would do it again. Work ethics are gone pretty much.

I'd get in trouble for working overtime to finish the jobs. Then I'd punch off the clock,and work another hour to catch up,and finish the jobs. I'd get in trouble for that too.

I know that my fellow workers wouldn't help me,and I was in a bind. I conscientiously wanted to fix the problems that no on would touch,and in the end,instead of getting credit,I got in trouble. Not much though.

I also got paid less then them,and was there much longer then them. They would sometimes sneak away,and drink down in the basement of the Supermarket in the late shift. After 14 years of it,I was increasing my work load,and still no raise,and no appreciation.

I felt good on the inside though. I felt fulfilled,I felt like I made a difference,and I genuinely wanted to help my employers. They knew it,but the back stabbing in that store was ramped.

You tried. That show's me good work ethics,and character development. I did the same thing. I'd work,and go home,and crash. Around vacation time,the last four years I didn't go anywhere. I rested.

They tore down the cheap Apartment Complex that I lived in,and people in the area where tearing down other affordable Apartment Complexes. Suddenly in 2004,I wasn't making enough money to live in the Capitol City where I lived all my life.

That job was my life. They where sorry that I had to move,and they held a party for me. At my Party, the Assistant Manager said I'm going to really mis you,because I could really mess with you. He was half smashed. I was sober. I was thinking He was always throwing head trips at me. I was thinking,"Gee Thank's".

Later I heard he got some of the jobs that I left behind,that where difficult,and where taken for granite. Brokenfriend

I'm upset about something and not even sure what it is.

My life could have been different if I had a better brain.

Mari

Dear Mari,
You sound very sad....
I am sorry....
It was not nice that your colleages left this up to you.
I don't like surprises and being spontanious...isn't in my vocabulary for the most part.
I am not a good conversationalist...
This would have stressed me out...I am very self conscious meeting /being with new people.
...I like predictable things....
Everything has a domino effect...what if this...then that...
I wish you weren't so hard on yourself.
You are a wonderful woman.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I tried to make sure that the meetings with the visitor today did not suck.
And I was mostly succeeded.

I wish I could have skipped the lunch and come home and slept. My nap was as important as everyone else's bs reason for skipping out.


I came home and slept for 3 hours.

Now I feel like I might have come down with some virus or something.
I'm going to stay home and sleep all day tomorrow.

M.

Sounds like a great idea!

I understand what it's like to be upset,and not know why. Don't be hard on yourself,and the times that we live in don't provide very good opportunities to get ahead. Our household items are now being made in China. Deals are made from politicians. There are too many Lawyers.

After World War Two was a time of great opportunity. The economy was on the upswing. Now it's on the downswing. We are in the same boat. Hang in there. Your heart is in the right place. That's a good place to be. You have a nice rest today. Brokenfriend

Oh Mari, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low, I hope a day of rest helps. I know how hard it can be to be in that uncomfortable position of having to make conversation with acquantaces. I stumble over my tongue, say things that I have to backtrack to resay to have them make sense. It's all very unnerving.

You shouldn't have had to be the only one to do that, it wasn't very fair that your co workers put you in that position. I hope you feel better soon Mari.