((BJ))

I am so glad you are posting, you have been in my thoughts:hug::hug:
If you post in the SOS forum I will reply more there. For now I will just wish you the strength to push send, and pray for you:hug: Nikki

I'm thinking of you, and so glad you can post here. You are so in my thoughts and prayers.

Let us know when you have pushed the send button.

Donna

Hi,
Professionals will work with you anyway -- no matter what they think.

I'm glad that you trust her. That is an important foundation.

I hear guilt in your posts.
This reminds me a little of my religious upbringing in the Catholic church: guilt about self, guilt about deeds, guilt for the state of the world, . . .
Guilt can be horribly destructive. I almost think that anger, like Bobby mentions, is a good honest emotion to be able to work with.

Regarding the stupid cartoons: try to let it go. People are mean and they are ignorant. My sister says that her high school kids use the word bipolar throughout the day to refer to anyone who changes in temperment. She corrects them. ;)
But that's a loosing battle. People don't learn much about the mentally ill unless they join the ranks or have a member of the family join the ranks. And even so, people don't do such a good job of trying to understand -- ask anyone in my family. :(

We understand.
I want you to feel better.
'Sending lots of good wishes. :hug:

M.

Had to say.

I love the way Mari, thinks, post and she is a woman with words
of wisdom.

So send the email, and get it in the open. So that you can
start getting some help.

I really believe that we all help each other when we talk through
writing.

In this case you and you therapist if that his who your writing.

Love ya

Donna

Hi Mari
I don't think she is going to start feeling better until she starts getting in touch with some of her angry feelings.
she is such a wonderful person and seems to carrying the world's shame on her shoulders. We are all bipolar here. I for one found it liberating to find out i was bipolar and it just wasn't psychological. If somebody judges me because I am bipolar I think what a fool they are. I tell a lot people and i guess try to educate them that it is a mood disorder not a thought disorder. I am not ashamed I am bipolar. It wasnt my fault. I never went through the anger stage. I guess I was diagnosed so late (in my fifties) it was more exciting as if the puzzle had been solved. I also have excellent defenses when attacked. At times I have gone for the jugular. I come off as a very mild person lol.

Dear Bj,
Girlie, maybe you can look at this another way.
If this was information that would help.......me.
Wouldn't you send this information... like yesterday!
You would do this to help someone else...I know you would.
Think of this as helping your inner self.
You can do this...
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Yes, you can do this. Positively you can.

Donna

Hi BJ
 

I'm sending hugs,and prayer. I hope you feel better. You have had such a hard time over a period of time,your due for something good to happen. I love ya.

Like Bobby said,you probably have anger pinned up in you that you are unaware of. If you let it out properly,I think you will feel better.

There is a time for everything,and anger surfacing will be healthy if you let it. Brokenfriend

Bizi I would send it in a heart beat :hug: There's only a few that know what really happened in there. It's something that I can't forget, I can't wash away, even though I've tried. It's hard to explain.

I forgot to say that I've been in contact with a few therapists and I thought I found one. He told me he'd send out some paperwork over the weekend. I got it yesterday and almost signed it. Good thing I read it again because it had a "no suicide, no self-harm" clause in it. I called him today and said I can't abide by those rules. Isn't this why a therapist is supposed to be there?

That's a relief. You were saved from that idiot.
 

BJ,
It's ok.

Now you know what to screen for on the phone.
This guy is not an acceptable therapist for you. He failed you before you even had a session with him.
And guess what? You are sooo lucky you did not have to 1) waste your time with him and 2) give him an opportunity to make you feel worse.

Get back on the phone on Monday and tell potential therapists what your problem is.

Say something like
1) I am bipolar and have a Vagus nerve stimulation device that is turned off
2) I am med compliant and in a long term relationship with my pdoc of this many years
3) I was last hospitalized such and such a day
4) I cut
5) I dissociate
6) I am trying to deal with the terrible loss of my brother
7) add whatever you want.
This will take you 20 seconds to say.

Then ask them if that can take you on as a patient.
If they cannot, ask them for suggestions on who specializes in this.

Get it all out up front before you have to see them and before you waste your time reading their dumb as$ paperwork.


Mari

ps
If you live within driving distance of a medical school, you can look for therapists there.