Thank you Mari,
this is why I am so fond of you.:o
bizi

I understand/believe I have an illness. I believe, and my pdoc has told me she believes, my illness is biological and/or genetic. I thought this new therapist understood how desperate I am to get well and how important it is that I get well as quickly as possible. I am really upset by this no suicide/no self-harm clause. I told him I cut and he still tried to slip that in there. I'm upset with the whole mental health system right now.

My pdoc always talks in terms of our eventually finding a medication, or medications, that would help me or the possibility of more ECTs. I know I need to do more than take medication. I need to work hard to get my life back, but I can't manage to do those things when I am this depressed. I need something to help lift my mood enough so I can manage to become motivated to begin living again.

depression
 

BJ,
Long term unremitting depression is hard.
And you are hero for staying in there. But you don't have to do this alone.

I believe that you are trying to do too much by yourself.
You need a treatment team to help you.
A pdoc can be one member of that team to help you and be on your side.

There are tons of tdocs out there. You can find many in your area who would be a perfect fit for you -- you just have not found that person yet.


The Lamictal could work for you. It has helped many others with depression.
Right now you are at 75. When do you go to one hundred? Is the pdoc aiming for 200? That will take a few more weeks.

Mark the calendar for when you get to 200. That could be a good day for you.

Mari

Dear BJ,
just thinking of you today.
I think Mari is right.
You need a team of folks on your side.
I think a massage therapist would be a good member for your team.
Have you ever tried a yoga class?
bizi

BJ
 

I'm thinking about you. BF:hug::hug::hug: Hang in there

I'm seeing my pdoc tomorrow, I'm ready to tell her. I'm still taking 75 lamictal Mari but tomorrow we're going to go over my meds. She told me she wants to titrate me up slowly because of side effects and some get a rash from it. I don't know if it's from this or not but I'm having an even harder time with my memory than I usually do. I tried to read last night and had to reread the same page over and over again because I kept forgetting what I read. She's suggesting I have another series of ECTs because they did lift my mood and helped for a while. Then things came crashing down again. But I told her I'd discuss it tomorrow more. If it's the only way, then I have to do it. She told me we'll work together to help me find a tdoc who I can trust and who will understand about things I do.

I'm really scared because she's going on vacation until August 2nd but she said she's just a phone call away. I feel so uncomfortable talking to someone else but I'm going to try my hardest not to bother her.

BJ

My son has been on lamictal for about 6 years. The rash that the therapist
is talking about is something that yes you need to go slowly.

But its just the first 100 to 150 that they really watch the most. If you start to feel you are getting things that could be side effects ask me. I know
them very well.

And I do have one more thing I need to say to you. If its like with seizures,
lamictal is a unusual drug. When you hit the dosage that is right for
you its just that it starts to really perk and give you things to help. I remember my sister who is severe bi-polar being on it too. And I remember
her being upset because it wasn't working at 100 or I believe even 200, but
when she hit 225 wow, she called me to say. Its starting to help me.

I wish the same for you, but not so long a wait.

Donna

yes this is true!
The lamictal they should be able to go to 150 now and then 200 after that. Some folks need to have higher doses than that...some have it at 400mg.
The ect treatments were so hard on your system....
I would definately not try the ect again until you have given the lamictal a shot.
Please wait.
We are rooting for you.
bizi

And I will say I'm really glad your not using it to stop seizures. At one point Derrick needed 600mg with combination of two other drugs. We finally got to bring the dosage down. But it was hard on him and I do not want anyone
to have to go that high.

So good luck and we are rooting for you and the lamictal.

Donna

Hi, BJ,

The Lamictal could be causing your cognitive problems. Perhaps that is only a temporary side effect. Check with the pdoc of course.

The pdoc might not think that you can wait until the Lamictal starts working. It's a long wait with the titrating schedule. Talk to her about her time table for the titration because some pdocs are a bit different. How long would she take to get you to 200? 225?

I'm trying to remember how ECT works. Is it true (like with our meds mostly), that how you will react once, can indicate how you will react the next time?

If the pdoc thinks that they worked, that might be your option. Would she do this inpatient?
Did you get headaches last time?

How many treatments does it take for the ECT to kind of "kick-in"? 3? 5?
That might help you decide.
Also, you will have to schedule the ECT and make the plans and all.
If it takes two or more weeks to get the benefit of ECT and that is close to the same amount of time it takes to get to Lamictal, then the equation is about which side effects are most tolerable. Also part of the equation is that the pdoc wants to go with the tried and true it seems -- the ECT. But she wants to see what you have to say.
She sounds like a good pdoc.

I'm thrilled that the pdoc sounds committed to finding you a good tdoc. The right tdoc can help you change your life.

Good luck BJ.
That's good that you have enough faith in yourself and faith in her to tell her. Good job.

Mari