Dear Donna,
Hurray for the microwave cake!
That's great that he had a good day at the fair.

Good luck with your detective work.
Mari

I freeze them all in one bag first then add them together into another ziplock freezer bag. They don't stick together thank goodness. It would be a nightmare to try to get them into individual bags, and since these are a bit bigger then the last batch I think that he's getting two of them at a time now instead of three of the smaller ones. They come in one big clear plastic bag and today I got four dozen.

I know what you mean about misplacing library stuff, I hate keeping track of it and worrying Jackie might rip or break something, but I want to give him the chance to be responsible and so far so good, he's only broken one DVD. I have to get the dishes done and then I can go to bed. You'd think if someone really cared he'd offer to do them tonight considering how tired I am...It's just a reminder of how little I matter to him though IMO.

Oh dear the weekend is almost over. I so look forward to them.
Everyone seems so busy and hands full. Mari, I am like you with the library books too. As much as I love to go, I lose books and am late, I hate the fees too as everyone knows me so well. One day they will say that I am not allowed to take anything home

I got up way to early today and we actually have a heat wave at 89* for several days now. In the Pocono's rare to have it this hot for more then 2 days. Husband and I had a overnight trip to Phila. last Mon and Tue that was great fun. The kids did not want to go.

soon it will be a whole new week and tons of appointments this week. Therapist appointments for younger daughter she will fight, mine the doc is great helping me with the work situation.
They made it unbearable for me while working after HR asked me about being disabled and if I can work.

From there I had hours cut, files were incorrect, said I did not put toys away in correct cntainer, I did nt greet a client, the conputer entry I did was missing an entry......gee the files were not mine but HR;s as were the toys used, but I got the blame, Then they hired a 19 yr old caseworkers daughter that took all my hours and I was removed from the schedule.

So I have contacted an attorney as my dream job turned into a nightmare. it did open the door for me to dedicate more time to the nonprofit committe I am on for an after care program for adolecsents, the latch key kids.
The middle school offered space! got to get funds now though. Maybe it will turn into paying job.

I read you all and send prayers. Keeping in touch keeps my deppression and anxiety at bay to have the support here.
Befuddled is a great friend too and makes me laugh and keep my sanity.
hugs to all enjoy the rest of the weekend.

di

*Sigh* Jackie found some balloons I bought for him like a month ago in a drawer yesterday and he's been blowing t hem up and popping them until they were all gone, now the house is covered in red pieces of rubbery mess. Guess who is going to have to clean it all up? *Sigh*

This kid just ripped up a book in the bathroom, I swear his destructive impulses are so hard to deal with anymore. I just hate getting up in the morning to have to look forward to so much work and guilt trips from someone who needs to accept that a group home is the only way for this to work out in the end. It was jack's book and it became My fault that the kid decided to rip off the cover of the book and the first few pages...I am so sick of this nonesense.

We are going on a small trip today as a test for this trip to DC and I hate it, I already want to take some lorazepam because it's going to be stressful. But if I take it now I won't have it later when I think I will really need it so I have to just suffer with it right now. It's just awful to be in this position. It's such stress and I don't need it, I really don't, I feel sick to my stomach right now and I know it's not going to go away anytime soon. *Sigh* I hope everyone else is having a better weekend then me.

Edited to add:

Well it went okay, I am just sick of summer, it's so hot here in florida...Ugh...Hope others are doing good today. Thank god school's starting back up tomorrow. I think I can hang in there until then.

Dear Pam,
Which one of them is the bigger child? Really.
I'm annoyed. Sorry about that.

Did you guys really take a practice car trip today?
What would prove/show/demonstrate for him?
I would have let them go by themselves.

Jack can manage fine enough as long as he can blame you it seems.

Remember that we are here for you.
M.

Dear Di,
Philly for a night sounds fun.
Sorry about the job and the hours. It's amazing what some people will do to other people. I certainly don't understand why people can act with what seems to be mean hearts.

I hope that your efforts in the non-profit turn out well. It sounds like you enjoy this.

Keep on.
Mari

*sigh* I had a long reply and Jackie closed the window...I got him up from the couch, wasn't done with the reply, and brushed his teeth and on the way out of the back bedroom he pushed himself between me and the mouse and shut the darn window. Then when I refused to let him shut the computer down, he hit me. I have really had enough, I raised my voice and told him that's not acceptable and he better never hit me like that again...It's so tiring.

Anyway I can't really remember everything so I will just say thanks Mari for understanding and for caring, you're a good friend and I am glad we've gotten to know one another over the past year here. I post more in this forum then anywhere else on the net pretty much because other places are just not as active you know? *sigh* That saddens me too because it wasn't always like that. I hope that I can just make it a few more weeks and get my crap in order so we can put it in storage over there at mom's.

Dear Pam,

Darn! You need some good days strung together.
Keep taking steps to do what you want for your plan.

Keep Jackie from hitting you. Move out soon maybe.


Mari

I just might have to if he doesn't stop, he's so full of beans and nonesense. He just refuses to listen to me and it's really annoying, he didn't hit me too hard, it was also on the arm, but the point is he got violent over me telling him to leave my computer alone. Not a good sign, but then he doesn't understand that I will be leaving though I've told him that if he doesn't stop actingo ut on me I am leaving, he doesn't get it. I really don't want to even contemplate this trip to DC so I am trying not to think about it since my plan is to be out before that.

I am thinking of computer specialist for a new career, I don't know how long 27 credit hours takes, but I am really looking forward to returning to school and learning a new career. It pays around 25 - 28,000 so I definitely think I could live on that. I wish I knew how long it would take to finish, but I figure about two years maybe, and that gives me a lot of time to work for myself and live what's left of my life happily.

I will of course still be involved in jackie's life, just not daily anymore. And I know Jack won't be able to handle it for long on his own even with an aide. But that's not my problem, I am afraid for safety sake so I have to go. I can't just sit around anymore either, the past 12 years have been good and I've devoted so much of my life to caring for jackie, it's going to be weird not having him around on call so tp speak, no hugs daily, no kisses, but also NO violence so it will be a good thing for us all, just going to take Jack awhile to admit it...

Dear Pam,

We just lost our electricty for an hour and a half a little while ago.
Hubby came home and reached for a flashlight that had dim batteries and complained. Maybe today I can get him to review our battery and flashlight situation so we can be prepared.
I picked up a journal that I had near my desk. I had jotted notes during our 8 days or so without power from Wilma in Oct 05.
It reminds me of what food to get for hubby (fussy eater) and myself (canned beans whereas last time I was eating cold corned beef hash).

27 credits will take you a school year if you go full time
Usually the gov will loan/give students money to go to school fulltime. Full time is 12 credits (4 classes) but after students get the hang of it it, they can handle 15 credits the second semester.
So actually, a person could start this program in August and finish in May -- unless they wanted to continue and get the AA or AS degree for a total of 60 credits.
Or they could go slower at their own pace and plan on going in the summer too. But I think that the funding is different. Something makes me think that the gov likes to pay for what they consider "full-time." Do you have a community college near you?
The technical schools that cost a fortune are a rip off for lots of reasons. I know this because a friend works at one and her students end up in binds sometimes.

This talk looks like you are making plans for yourself. That is fabulous.


Even though your plan is logical please don't put too much hope on J ever completely admitting anything. He might refuse to ever see reality -- even as he lives through it.

Mari