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PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, because the spirit I am posting this I think is a positive one.
Your heart is in the right place and it sounds like you and your friend are good people. However, it has been my experience that relationships usually go better when they start off with two people who are feeling balanced in life or are at least well on their way there. So, what might need to happen for you at this time is to start school, get yourself feeling good about school, see a physician about your anixety, consider medication if it is recommended, consider therapy if you are not doing this already...have a plan for getting the anxiety under control and being a good student. If you were more secure in your life and sure of yourself, it would be easier for you to present yourself to another person as a whole person and easier for the other person to feel secure in their relationship with you. Please keep in mind in no way to you have to be a perfect person, but simply one that is more balanced and with a clear vision of the coming months ahead of her. I agree, you will meet so many other young men at school. I would concentrate at the issues you have at hand and then look to meeting other men shortly after those things are under control or at least well on their way. If your previous relationship was meant to be...at some point, it may come back into the picture. Wishing you well. |
Hello Sparrow!
Hi Meg,
I jsut got on the computer and saw you were here today. I was reminded of you today when a sparrow came down and sat on a branch near me as I drank coffee on my deck. I was sitting feeling like so much on my shoulders and along came a sparrow sitting with me. I liked that. Made me feel I am not alone. I am so glad that your life is not so internalized and you can share. Lifting a lot off the shoulders. When I look back at bf's and I think what my life could have been with them, I realize if things did not move forward, we were drowning in hopeless emotions with no direction. I am glad for the oppertunities I had over the next 30 years. Even when I went to college at 49, I the kids were great. So many personalities and they took in a ol' grandma, retired police chief like me. I was so anxious at first going back to school, and then a huge door opened. The kids and I had happy hearts, anxiety over test, and laughs and cries. College is a wonderful time at any age. I did take some online classes to ease the load. I could sit in PJ;s and middle of the night if I was awake to work on the work. You have a few weeks to work on reducing the anxiety with a whole world of help. Why not call the disabilities office on Monday and ask for an appointment. I found great help there to advise me what I needed to do for documentation of my problems I faced, and they helped me with a great woman on campus that worked with gals like us. Oh she was a gem Meg. She was so helpful and caring for me. She even shared a story of how she was driving down a street and a car pulled out in front of her. She hit the gas instead of the brakes and flew through the lobby of a huge bank wondow, the old architecture with marble, sky high ceilings. When she stopped she was OK, but later on the news that night they showed the front of the bank, with a huge sign, coming soon "drive up service"! Well, we are having a late supper so I better get fryng the chicken, Hugs sweetie, :circlelove: di |
good news. the psychatrist my aunt gave me the number for is seeing me on Tuesday at 3:30.
im nearvous because i have NO idea how much is is ($10 co pay or $4897648 like ive seen pdoc appointments go for) im really nervous about the whole thing :/ added: does anyone have blue cross blue shield? I checked their website to "find a doctor" and the doctor she gave me was on the site so that means he's on my insurance right? his 'profile' says pay for service, does that mean like hundreds of dollars each time, or my co-pay? now that i have to deal with all my insurance stuff myself, its so confusing i feel like im being forced to grow up in 4 seconds and handle everything and it makes me dizzy. |
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Hi Meg, If he is "inNetwork" as the lady told you that means they accept the BC payment and you pay $10. If you want to make sure, call the office and ask for billing information and tell them you want to make sure you understand your payment amount. Also, ask them if you should get a copy of the emergency room records or will they send for them. The first visit will go fast and the doctor follows a format one thing, what brings you to him. Write down a few things you want to rmember, The first the panic attacks and how this is affecting you. That you want to have a best shot to succede in college but feel like life is a million directions adn emtions now, or however you feel your life is,. I am so super glad that you see a doc this soon, that was the best thing when I started putting it in a pros hands...things clicked and I really did start getting better. What a great time college is going to be, this will really help you get ready. di :hug: |
i called th einsurance people and they said it should be just the co pay but im still nervous its the first psychatrist ive ever seen and i have no idea what to expect or anything its making me anxious and nervous. i dont want to go in there and feel like he thinks im faking like everyone else does:(
last night i went to mikes house and we had a legit good time, we watched the sox game and just hung out. i can tell he really wants me around but im still confused but i wont show that to him. earlier today i was in such a good mood because of last night and now its just kinda gone away... i duno :( im really really really hoping to get the laptop ive been looking at tonight, itll give me something to do other than think aout my mood or tomorrow. do you guys think its bad that i write mike letters/notes in word about what im thinking/feeling? i usually end up reading them on the phone, but yesterday i gave it to him and he read it. he never reacts or says anything about them. he doesnt ask about them, he just 'hears' them and then we move on. the whoel time ive known him hes been one to wsweep things under the rug and try to forget about them and since no one will ask him/remind him about them, until now, hes been able to hide everything to the point where it gets to him and he breaks down (starts crying and talks about ending it, everything is to much to handle etc) and everytime its happened ive been there and sometimes he'll tell me what caused it others he wont. i duno. i feel like everythign is about him lately but i want it to be because its giving me something to focus on. im someone who cant function without a project or a plan or a goal. i was fine when i had school cuz that was my goal. but i graduated and now what.....then my goal was get a job, did that....now while im waiting for school to start again, i want my goal to be to help mike. erjgqerjlghre |
here i am on my new laptoppppp just a happy updaate for once...
and check out my songg http://youtube.com/watch?v=RIoBXdQX_wY |
thanks so much...that was truly awesome! great about the laptop! great about the relaxed time with Mike....
bobby |
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so its today. my pdoc appointment is in a few hours.
i decided i need to write out what is bothering me so i can tell him/have him read it but thinking about making a list seems so daunting, im one of those people that it drives me crazy when i forget something. so making this list is making me anxious. thinking about everything thats bothering me and then trying to sort it out/write it down is gonna be hell for me. i wish i had someone here to help me and calm me down while thinking about it. but again, im home alone, but even if someone was here they wouldnt help me anyway because they think all of this is a joke and 'in my head'. i wish after my appointment i could go see mike, and tell him what i went through but i know if i tell him i had a psychatrist appointment that hell freak out and think im psycho and not want anything to do with me (he thinks my panic attacks were brought on because of him and he feels like sometimes he was only with me because he felt bad so this wouldnt help that) and i hate how my posts usually end up mentioning mike, but i cant help it. i feel like i should hate him, but i cant. i cant just drop this. i have a headache already and ive only been awake for like 15 mins. :( and now i have to write to the pdoc. someone help me:( |
Dear megveg,
I hope that you did fine in the pdoc's office. I feel relieved after I get in there and know that someone else is going to take care of my problems for me. Mari |
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