Meg.
Eventually, you will learn how to make it "all about me."

In the meantime, stay safe. Keep telling yourself that you are important and deserving of the best treatment.

Mari

im done. this is it.

someone make all this bullsnap stop. i cant handle it. i dont deserve it and i definately dont enjoy it.

all I see around me is selfishness. thats the only way i can describe it. everyone else is doing what you all suggest me ot do: worrying about themselves.

can someone please step away from their own lives for a second and help me worry about me?

almost daily, i go to my friend Lizzys house. she actually is really random as to the point i never really talked to her mike left and i needed to find friends. so i go to her house and its like group therapy almost. theres like 10-15 kids that go to her house all the time and just talk and they talk to her mom Sarah. Sarah has MS (unrelated to my story but it fits with the forum) sarah has 2 natural children, 2 adopted children with downes syndrome, 1 adopted who i dont know what he has, and 1 child she took in because he is gay and his parents refuse to let him live in their home because of it. and then a 20 something year old who lives there but i duno why (i know everything is crazy)

long story short, i go over there in search of someone to listen. it seems everything turns out to be about Lizzy (shes had some HELLA hard times but not to sound terrible but theyve been dragging it out and not taking a break from this whole situation not even for a second)

^see there i go, being selfish again. thinking HEY PEOPLE PUT YOUR PROBLEMS ON HOLD AND LISTEN TO MINE qehgqergqre

anyway. the girl who lives there for i duno why, got some new luggage and it came with tons of notebooks in it and she gave me one. im gonna TRY to write down whats wrong, kinda like a definitive how to guide on understanding whats going on, so instead of trying to explain everything, i can pass the book around, and then people can comment etc (kinda like my blurty but most of the people i hang with cant be bothered with the internet or anything) so ill have a diary, and have them respond i guess.

maybe thatll help. in directly helping while focusing on other stuff.

erg;qerhg;uqreg I dont even know.

not to mention i feel like everyone is taking advantage of me, its really sweet (i love sarcasm)


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my friend Christina said we could talk about stuff but it didnt end up happening.

i feel bad posting about how i feel overwhelmed and that no one is here for me.

you all have been MAGNIFICENT and more. and i feel terrible saying its not enough, because most times it is, but i feel righ tnow i need a real warm hug or a real shoulder to cry on, one without strings or secret agendas.

i wish i had a penpal. that seems like it would be really beneficial for me, not only to relay all my thoughts, but to get an answer, are their penpal correspondent therapists? that would be awesome.

or even just someone random to build a relationship with (not a samaritan or someone random) i duno why im so picky :( im just trying to figure out whats best for me, and im fighting the battle alone.

Oh, Meg,

You have a lot of stuff running through your mind. Do you ever have a few moments of peace and quiet or is your mind always running and racing? Just wondering.

I think that your idea to write in the notebook is a good one. Sometimes I used to hang out with random people in order to keep from being a lone with my random thoughts. Sometimes it was better than being a lone with my thoughts.

'Sorry that you have no one to share hugs with.

Mari

constant thoughts, always running. never stops.

i can barely sleep they run so much. and then when im lying in bed all i wanna do is turn over and cuddle mike and hes not there.


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i feel pathetic, i constantly refresh NT to see if theres anything new to read to try and keep me occupied. I dont understand.

thats it i dont understand but no one cares, or is willing to help me understand. i feel like im going to be physically sick and i just want to break down. i dont even know, i dont. and thats the worst part

Please just put me out of my misery and just TELL me what is going to happen. Its not in my hands, its in his. I just want to know.

:(

Dear Meg,
You need medical attention.
It's not you. It's something in your head.
What happened to the Valium? Did you get the 10 dollars and fill your prescription yet?
Mari

Here is something for you to read....it occupied me for about two hrs. this morning Meg...http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread52069.html

:hug:

havent gotten paid yet. my stupid job is bi weekly and ive been there long enough but clearly i have to wait because i have GREAT luck wejgfvblre (sarcasm saves my sanity)

I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow at noon, and i havent even gotten the perscription yet so how am i supposed to tell him how it works!? i dont even have money for my co-pay. i owe him $20 after next visit ewqjhqelkjrvh

and i dont get paid till thursday. as in a week from today.

I cant even begin to tell you how overwhelmed i am feeling now thinking about all of it jytdjyfi.k