here in our small town there is a clinic set up for the working population who don't have insurance. Is there a clinic that you could go to and jsut ask them to check your blood sugar?
you would go in fasting I think any walk in clinic could do this for you?
It might cost you an office visit but it would ease your mind.
beth

I might look into that, I work at a pharmacy but they don't do that. I won't have insurance till July 1st. At CVS where I work they have this thing called the minute clinic where a nurse practicioner is there to prescipbe meds for stuff but I don't think they check blood sugar they don't even check blood presure.

I dunno I'm scared that's all I know

What's it called when the weather effects your mood? I think part of the reason I've been so upset lately is because we've had nothing but rain for so long.

The days we do have sun I always seem to miss it (sleeping late, work,driving somewhere and by the time I get there its raining again, being at my friends house)

Even when its sunny the sky is dark somewhere and there's a rumble of thunder or some sprinkles. Its like God knows the sun makes me feel better but is like even if there is sun there's still a dark cloud over you.

I don't understand. I haven't been so upset/distraught/lost in a while. I think my life has been routine until recently and the changes are killing me.

Not to mention Mike and I have been spending nights apart. He said its due to gas being expensive (we live an hour apart) and I agree but I know its for other reasons also.

We have no intention of seperating but the time apart is doing a number on me. I'm surprized I'm not a sniveling crying mess when he's not around but it still hurts.

Its the time that hurts. Time goes by so slowly and since Mike and I, before this sleeping apart thing happened, were together every day and every night, the times when I'm not at work and not with him are mindnumbing and heartwrenchingly hurtful.


I sit and mope about how my life is in ruins.

Mike and work (most of the time) are the only distractions I have, the only ropes if you will to pull me out of the depths of this hole that is my life.

I've been trying to read, and I want to start a garden but have noo idea what would be good or where to begin. I need distractions and I can't find them.

It doesn't help that the number of friends I have is practically a fraction its so small.

I wish I had the same set schedule every week at work. As you can probabaly tell I like routine/structure/schedule/planning. It makes me feel stable and unworried. I try to live my life with the least amount of unexpected issues/problems as I can. I like knowing what's ahead and I hate surprises.

I need a 'steady' job. Which I classify as Mon-Fri x'oclock to x'oclock everyweek.

Its draining everythingi have at my job now 6am-2pm shifts then 4 to 10pm shifts then 1130a-8p shifts and it changes week to week.

I wanna do something in the health care field but the pharmacy isn't cutting it. I'm terrified to go back to school (I kinda dropped out but I want/need that structure in my life)

A bunch of my friends are taking EMT which in my mind I would love to do but actually doing it, the amount of triggers there are it seems like I wouldn't make it through 1 day.

I want to do something health care related. I'm really into science I'm already a licensed massachusetts pharmacy technician but that really doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Its pretty much a card saying I worked in the pharmacy for 500 hours and I know how to read.

I wish I could fast forward this whole 'inbetween' time and get on with living.

The air I breathe is even defeating me

thank you for sharing, it is good to hear about what you are going thru, it halps us kow what is going on with you.
I am sorry you are having a rough time.
The gardening can be as simple or complicted that you want. Depending upon where you live, an apartment with a patio, and what your light source is filtered or direct sun You could grow container plants jsut about anything in a pot. So you could start very simply.
Geraniums are good heat tolerant plants I know that my mother had one that she would bring inside during the winter and leave outside during the summer. We leave ours out year round andd they do well in direct sun. When you go to lowes or home depot the containers will tell you what kind of sun they will need, there will be a insert with writing instructions on it for care. Annuals only last thru the season, perinials come back year after year. mirical grow has potting soil with fertilizer in it already.
I have many potted plants on my patio but we rarely get temperaturs that are freezing so we get by with all kinds of plants, like I have begonias that last year round although they are an annual!
It is good that you are trying to start a hobby, it is fun wantching things grow, remember plants want to live.
As far as your job satisfaction. life is full of changes.
and with any job there will be aspects of the job that you won't like...I know that sounds pesimistic. I think that is just reality.
Maybe you could talk with some counselor at a local techical school about going to learn something in the medical field like radiology. What you are doing now is important work, don't minimise the importance of your work, peoples lives are at stake.
hang in there
beth

I haven't posted here in a while. and the last post I made I WISH i was at that point in life compared to now.

i just need someone to care

I am glad that you came back, we care and are here to listen. Tell us what is going on.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

So I'm back here because it's getting to much to take.

I've litterally become a shut-in and I cant take it anymore. I feel like I'm living in poverty because I don't have money and my parents don't help with anythign anymore.

I wake up, shower, and sit around all day I can't go anywhere cuz I don't have money for gas. I have no where to go because I have no friends. I feel like a complete and utter failure, like a leper that no one wants to see/hang out with.

Mike is around again and I don't even know what to do.

:'( i feel like all i can do is cry.

I am sorry meg,
when did you r job end at the pharmacy?
I am sorry that you are not getting any support from your family any way you could get tod=gether for some famiy counseling?
maybe at a church or a local clinic...you need help and support. If you are idsabled then you will need help getting the proper documation together to prove this and then there would be help for you finacially.
keep posting we are listening...
sorry that it is so hard for you right now....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Meg,
Sorry that you are having a hard time.
Can you use public transportation?
Getting out might help you.

M.

I wish all of you were here in real life. Why is it I feel my only answer is to go impatient again?