[megveg]

I have no plans today, I wrote mike a wicked long thing about how he thinks i have no responsibility and infact I have more responsibility then he thinks and that everyone else thinks and I read it to him last night on the phone, after he was reluctant to answer the phone.

I read it to him, and it sounded like he was crying but he told me he wasnt after we got off the phone and he said he was tried and needed to think about everything today. I understand his need for space, the things I said last night were over whelming and I know he doesnt work things out by talking about them, he holds them inside and just lets them eat at him.

I hope he really HEARD I was saying. He has a huge problem with taking charge in his life. My outlook on life is "If things aren't going your way, do what you can to fix them." I can't sit around and watch stuff happen to me that I know I can fix, so I go out and do what I can to fix it. I can't sit idly by and think "oh well poor me, i'm in a rut and here's where I'll stay."

That's exactly how Mike thinks. He's in a job he hates, doing manual labor for the amount of money he needs to get by, but he doesn't get anythign else out of it. He has this outlook like "i have to be stuck in this terrible job because I have bills to pay and my band isnt working out oh poor me my life sucks, im getting "old" and i dont have a wife or kids yet"

But he won't do anything about it. He can find a different job, he's only 23, it's alot easier to change careers now then when he's 40 and tired of doing back breaking work. It sound easier then it is and I know that but he can't sit around and complain about things that are in his control.

I asked him to hang out tomorrow night (we've been hanging ovut every Sunday for teh past few weeks) and he hasn't answered me yet. I hope he says yes, I wanna show him my laptop and maybe watch a movie on it and just hang out, like friend, like he wants. I have work tomorrow afternoon but after that I was planning on going out there after. I just wanna see him and show him that I have things together because right now, I feel like I do. He can't really see I have things together until I show him. I can tell him all I want but he won't believe it till he sees results, just like me that's how I am. If I don't see a result I don't feel like any of my efforts are worth it or justified.


So we'll see what he says about tomorrow. I hope he says yes, it would really give me a chance to show him I've changed and really taken a step up. Please hope for me that I can show him that life isn't about givine up and settling in a rut. It's about taking steps towards goals and I'm glad that nowI realize that. This whole experience has been a step for me. I can't let my anxiety and my panic attacks get in my way. I am in control of me, anxiety is not in control.

This post went from worrying about what Mike is thinking or what's gonna happen, to if it doesn't work out, then okay! Right now it's not happening but I'm doing what I can.


I hope that sometime soon someone realizes that I'm taking steps and someone is proud of me.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by megveg

This post went from worrying about what Mike is thinking or what's gonna happen, to if it doesn't work out, then okay! Right now it's not happening but I'm doing what I can.


I hope that sometime soon someone realizes that I'm taking steps and someone is proud of me.

Dear Meg,
I realize that you are taking steps. You came on here. You saw a pdoc for evaluation and medication and you've done other things too as well, I'm sure.
Practice feeling proud of yourself.
It's a good thing.
Mari

[Mari]

Hi, All,
The accupunture earlier today seemed to help -- I'm in a better mood than I have been in weeks.
Now, hubby and I are going to a new Indian Restaurant.
I need to find restaurants that can accommodate my vegetarian (mostly vegan) diet.

Mostly, we are checking it out for when Mom and Dad come down here in a few weeks.
Dad is fussy about his restaurants.
M.

[megveg]

Originally Posted by Mari

Dear Meg,
I realize that you are taking steps. You came on here. You saw a pdoc for evaluation and medication and you've done other things too as well, I'm sure.
Practice feeling proud of yourself.
It's a good thing.
Mari

I am feeling proud of my self a little bit. I'm always one to wait for a sign or result to really cement that my efforts are being noticed or are working. Once I see even the littlest result, my confidence will shoot up and it'll help me get moving even faster and further ahead into this new life. I'm trying, I just need confirmation that the steps I'm taking are right, and are helping.

[megveg]

Originally Posted by Mari

Hi, All,
The accupunture earlier today seemed to help -- I'm in a better mood than I have been in weeks.
Now, hubby and I are going to a new Indian Restaurant.
I need to find restaurants that can accommodate my vegetarian (mostly vegan) diet.

Mostly, we are checking it out for when Mom and Dad come down here in a few weeks.
Dad is fussy about his restaurants.
M.

Accupunture hmm, maybe I could benefit from that, do you do it for pain relief or just relaxation? I'm glad it helped you, I need to be in a better mood maybe I should look into it.
I used to be vegan and it made me very very sick so I had to stop. Good luck with your restaurant search

[BJ]

I like it Mari that I see that smiley guy in your post. It does seem like your mood has lifted and for that I'm grateful.

Meg I don't think we ever "spoke" before but I'm proud of you for posting here, seeing a pdoc and I think you're headed in the right direction. If I could I'd slap you on the back and say good job

[Pamster]

SO he turned the game back on, I am so mad....It was cut off today and he just HAD to have it back and has been in there for two hours. Now it's time to make dinnre and I asked how he wanted the chicken and he said nuggets, which I am NOT making on my own again. Just not doing it. I am so irked. I woke up in a good mood, had a good day and then this happened, with him asking for my credit card to turn his game back on.

I just hate this and can see it's gonna build up again until I explode and this time I won't back down, he can leave....He's already NOT HERE so why BE here at all? I am so upset...Jackie is playing baseball with a small rubber ball in the house and a stick and I told him to stop and Jack said let him do it. THIS is what's wrong here...but will HE ever see it? No...I could just scream I am so angry. AND disappointed. I don't know why I thought he would be real with me and DO what he said he would for once, he's got a bad track record.

[megveg]

Originally Posted by Me BP?

I like it Mari that I see that smiley guy in your post. It does seem like your mood has lifted and for that I'm grateful.

Meg I don't think we ever "spoke" before but I'm proud of you for posting here, seeing a pdoc and I think you're headed in the right direction. If I could I'd slap you on the back and say good job

thank you its really helpful to have some sort of guidance. its like having street lamps on a dark path, i need them to see that im on the path and going well, you guys are my street lamps

Originally Posted by Pamster

SO he turned the game back on, I am so mad....It was cut off today and he just HAD to have it back and has been in there for two hours. Now it's time to make dinnre and I asked how he wanted the chicken and he said nuggets, which I am NOT making on my own again. Just not doing it. I am so irked. I woke up in a good mood, had a good day and then this happened, with him asking for my credit card to turn his game back on.

I just hate this and can see it's gonna build up again until I explode and this time I won't back down, he can leave....He's already NOT HERE so why BE here at all? I am so upset...Jackie is playing baseball with a small rubber ball in the house and a stick and I told him to stop and Jack said let him do it. THIS is what's wrong here...but will HE ever see it? No...I could just scream I am so angry. AND disappointed. I don't know why I thought he would be real with me and DO what he said he would for once, he's got a bad track record.

dear pam, im sorry youre having a difficult time but please know that im thinking of you and that im hoping things get better for you soon

[Pamster]

I helped make the darn nuggets, but at least Jack did most of the work. I got things ready and have been feeling kind of manic today, I got a great deal on a year supply of 70 page spirals from walmart for $ .05 a piece! I got a whole box of 24 college ruled! Just like I like. I wish that Jack would not be in there so much with the darn video games...It really aggrivated me and that was why I wasn't in any mood to make nuggets.

Thanks Meg for thinking of me, I feel better now, just a bit numb though because I just hate the situation I am in.

[megveg]

OH PAM you just got me SO SO SO excited and SO happy.

One of the greatest joys in my life (dont laugh please ) is:

BACK TO SCHOOL SUPPLY SHOPPING


New inky gel pens, new mechanical pencils, fresh paper notebooks, folders and binders! ALL of it, I LOVE going to staples, office max, walmart all of it. <3333