Hi all,

You know, at times, my passive aggressive behavior really gets the best of me. I need to work on it. A lot of the situations I get into in my neighborhood though are because of the low cliental here. I feel myself being pulled down with them. I've got to do better but they are all I have for the moment. I may or may not come into some money that could help me move somewhere better. I hate to count on it but at times when I've been taken by another neighbor I think that I've just got to be able to move.

I've basically realized that my best friend is me cause I'm the only one in this whole wide big world that I can ever really depend on. Even though I've been told I'm a strong person I get so insecure at times with knowing I'm all I have. I have 3-D friends but not like having a soul mate or even being loved by someone. To be honest, I have no one who really loves me but me. My ex loved me even though he was an abusive man and as strange as it may seem I miss him. He at least did love me and did do things for me out of love but now I have no one that will do that in 3-D. Okay, pity party. I know I have met some people online but it's not the same as someone who really, really, loves you. I never stopped loving my ex husband and for most they just can't understand. There were more good time with my ex than bad. The good times just could in no way make up for the bad. And it was the bad times that has really messed up my mind to this day. I'm much better than 2 years ago but I can't really say I'm all that satisfied.

I really don't have but 2 people that I can talk to personally about my legal battles due to the sensitive nature of it. I have another legal issue I've been working on that I can't even post in the open for fear of bodily harm. I just need some friends. I just keep getting side tracked with some of the people I come across around me and I seem to take a step backwards.

befuddled2

Dear Barbara,

I can feel some of what you are saying.
I feel alone too --even with a husband.
A certain neighborhood can get you down, but I think that no matter where we will we will still have to be best friends to ourselves. At least that is the way I see it for most of us.

And yes, I understand how you feel about your husband a little.
I think that couples who were together a long time see themselves as a pair moving through life together.

After my first marriage, it took me awhile to move on. But I was really glad to get rid of him and I realized that it was good for both of us that he left. Still, I was sad about being alone for a long time. I wasn't really lonely all the time -- just wandering how long I was going to be alone.

Anyway, whether this makes sense or not, please know that I hope you feel better. I like to believe that when we keep working in the right direction for ourselves, we can start feeling better -- maybe not in the way we expected, but sometimes things do get better.

Mari

Hi Mari,

Thank you for your support. I feel better after a good night's rest as always. I do feel like sleeping more though.

befuddled

I cna't imagine what it would be like to be single again...I feel for you.
bizi

I totally understand what you are saying.

I seem to have such a small group that I can depend on. I make friends,
but something always seems to come between us. So I seem to have quit
trying.

I make lots more friends online, when I don't have to worry about meeting,
greeting and for some reason they liking someone else better.

I also have a situation were I feel like I'm single lots of the time. But that
is probably something that I just need to learn to understand.

I've been married for 26+ years. And I really wanted a soulmate more
than I got.

Life is so weird. I believe I married someone very much like my dad.

Donna

Thank you all,

Donna, I married someone like my older brother who was the only male role model I had in my childhood.

I am bushed tonight emotionally. I helped a neighbor who got beat up by her boyfriend and it brought back many bad memories.

I wish I had some one who could hold me tight tonight.

befuddled2

That was so nice of you to help her.
You have such a kind heart.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Donna,
That sounds like a rough night for both of you.
Be ok please. Talk yourself into being ok.

=-=-=-=-

I think I married my mother this time -- someone with anxiety and ocd-type issues.

He's wound as tight as a top. Generally distrustful, . . . I could go on. But then I would confuse myself about mom and hubby.



Mari
~~ feeling depressed the past few days

Well, the woman I helped out that got beat up has taken advantage of me. It's a long story but what it boils down to is that she is just one more hustle out here so she can drink and such. I told her today that she can get the people who she gets to buy her beer to take her to court Tuesday. It appeared she only wanted to be around me to see what other things she could get out of me.

befuddled2

Dear Barbara,
That's a shame.
M.