[Mari]

Hi,
I know someone who benefitted from a therapist who worked on the "inner child."
According to this kind of therapy, the child was not fully loved and appreciated when he was growing up so he has to learn to nurture and love that part of himself now as an adult -- instead of looking to the outside world for that appreciation. As adults, we can re-evaluate past patterns.

That's how I understand it anyway.

Mari


http://www.brockman-counseling.com/child.htm

This concept called an Inner Child has been a part of the world for a very long time. Carl Jung called it the "Divine Child" and Emmet Fox called it the "Wonder Child." Some psychotherapist call it the "True Self". And Charles Whitfield called it the "Child Within."

The Inner Child refers to that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and fulfilled; it is our "Genuine Authentic Self", who we know deep within us, our "Real Self."

With our parents not really knowing, they helped to create this Inner Child. Society also helped with the creation. And most of us deny that there even exists such a part of us. When this child self is not allowed to be heard, or even acknowledged as being real, a false or co-dependent self emerges. We begin to live our lives as victims. Then we have situations that arise in our lives in which we keep having unresolved emotional traumas. The gradual accumulation of unfinished mental and emotional business can lead to chronic anxiety, fear, confusion, emptiness and unhappiness.

Denial of the Inner Child and the co-dependent self are particularly common among children and adults who grew up in troubled families. This is where chronic physical mental illness, rigidity, coldness or lack of nurturing is common.

Yet, there is a way out. There is a way to discover and to heal our Inner Child and to break free of the bondage and suffering of our co-dependent or false self.

Not everyone was mistreated or abused as a child. No one really knows how many people have been loved and guided in healthy ways. Some have estimated 5 to 20 percent.

This means that from 80 to 95 percent of the people did not receive guidance and love which is the way we know how to form healthy and loving relationships and to love ourselves.

http://www.coping.org/growth/little.htm -- this link has lots of info that is easy to read

What is the unfinished business of the "Inner Child"?

From growing up in a dysfunctional family, emotional maturity was stunted. This failure to mature left the "Inner Child" unfinished because we:

-Grew up too fast.

-Became small adults; little ``moms'' and ``dads.''

-Were either over responsible or overachievers.

-Were emotionally vulnerable.

-Were not given a chance to grow and mature in a normal sequence of events.

-Put on a public ``mask'' or image to stifle our child-like needs.

-Repressed joy, vision, and feelings.

-Still have a ``inner child'' waiting to grow up and take its proper place.

Also, many books an Amazon. Here is one:
http://www.amazon.com/Recovery-Your-.../dp/0671701355
Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self
.

[bizi]

YOu folks know that I got my first teddy bear about 2 years ago.
This was the start of my trying to connect with my inner child.
I now have 2 bears that I sleep with.
Isn't there a bible quote about becoming child like before entering the kingdom of heaven.
Some people can't relate to children.
I know that I have had a hard time fitting in with children, hard to "play with them". My girl friends 2 year old is a lot of fun to play with. I did not feel used to this. I am trying to lighten up. It is fun playing with her.
I have heard that the more we can laugh the better we are.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, part of his poem:
Success.....
to laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children....

One of the areas that I am lacking is just that.
Dealing with different ages of children.
Our good friends have an 11 year old, just starting adolescents...my hubby is so laid back and can get along with anyone of all ages.
He especially does well with children.
He loves to play games and they love him for this.
When I come over they always ask "where is Jeff?"
Because he is alot of fun to be around and I am not.
He is an artist and has a good imagination....
He can be child like and relate to them on their level,
whether that be a 2 year old or 17.
I admire him for this.
I wish I could be more like this.
There is an artist author that I like her name is
Sark...she writes in freehand and water colors her books.
It is called "Succulent wild woman",
my aunt used to call worms that....succulent which means juicy I guess.
thanks Mari for posting this piece.
beth

[Mari]

Beth,


I think it is ok not to like children.
Lots of people don't. The thing is to recognize that a part of us might be an unfulfilled child and that might be still effecting us:

What nurturing messages can you give your "Inner Child"?

-You can tell your "Inner Child" that it is OK to:

-Have the freedom to make choices for itself.

-Be ``selfish'' and do the things you want to do.

-Take the time to do the things you want to do.

-Associate only with the people you want to associate with.

-Accept some people and to reject others.

-Give and accept love from others.

-Allow someone else to care for you.

-Enjoy the fruits of your labor with no guilt feelings.

-Take time to ``play'' and have ``fun'' each day.

-Not to be so ``serious,'' intense, and inflexible about life.

-Set limits on how you are going to relate to others.

-Not always ``serve'' others.

-Accept others ``serving'' you.

-Be in charge of your life and not let others dictate to you.

-Be honest with others about your thoughts and feelings.

-Take risks and to suffer the positive or negative consequences of such risks.

-Make mistakes, laugh at them, and carry on.

-Let your imagination and creativity be set free and to soar with the eagles.

-Cry, hurt, and to be in pain as long as you share your feelings; do not repress or suppress them.

-Be angry, to express your anger, and to bring your anger to some resolution.

-Make decisions for yourself.

-Be a problem solver and come up with solutions with which everyone may not agree.

-Feel happiness, joy, excitement, pleasure, and excitement about living.

-Feel down, blue, sad, anxious, upset, and worried, as long as you share your feelings.

-Love and be loved by someone whom you cherish.

Be your "Inner Child'' and to let it grow up, accept love, share feelings, and enjoy pleasure and play.

[bizi]

It is not that I don't like children, I just don't have the skills to interact with them. I am not around them enough I guess. Maybe I need to go have lunch at the mcdonalds play room and hang out with kids I think this would help me learn how to be playful, Child like, to lighten up.
I would like to baby sit more often with my friends girl.
Baby sitting is stressful for me and challenges me to step outside of my comfort zone. It is like multitasking, I am not able to focus on more than one thing at a time and give each thing my entire attention. It is hard for me to play with her and have a conversation with her mother. It is hard for me to pay attention.
This is why I like home care so much, one on one care. I am used to working with the elderly and I like pleasing them.

beth

[befuddled2]

Thank you Mari for this post.

Bizi, it is just like us woman to want to do other things that challenge us like you being more comfortable with children would be for you. Sometimes just listening to a child talking and making comments is all you need to do for them to like you. I am not good around children myself because I've never had any but I do like children and they seem to like me. Don't be so hard on yourself cause I'm sure you are liked by children.

[Dmom3005]

Here is another thought on the child.

Its very interesting that the age is 2. Remember that a 2 year old is
considered to be a "terrible 2" so lots of times its hard to get
them to sit down.

Now I have never been fortunate enough to have a experience
with a girl.

My grandson who is 2 just got picked up for first steps, Indiana's
special program for late bloomers

He really isn't talking

Donna

[Mari]

Dear Donna,

THey will be able to help him because he is starting with the program early right?
I hope so.

Mari

[Dmom3005]

Lets put it this way, he is starting with the program earlier than my son's did.
And earlier than his sister did.

I tried to get him started about 6 months ago, but something happened and
my daughter -in -law like cancelled the appointment and it had to be started all over. But its okay. He will do well.

He is a true Roberts. The thing I haven't told is my son had a paternity
test this last couple of weeks, and it came back 99.99 percent Will is his.
Not that it was doubted. But for HUD the test had to be done.

So its really nice to be official. I love all my grandkids though, even my
three granddaughters.

Donna

[Mari]

Dear Donna,
It sounds like you are good with your family and that you watch out for them.

And I know you talk here about Derrick watching out for you.
You are a wonderful mom and grandma.

Mari