I am in a really crappy state of mind. I know I am depressed, I don't even bother to get dressed somedays. I was making lasagna yesterday and started crying, because that was something my mom and I always did. See, I can't even write about it w/o crying. I was supposed to make it for NY EVE, but didn't, went to bed before the ball dropped on the East Coast, figured it would just upset me.

My foot is healing, but can't seem to get into doing housework, I just want to sleep, and I do during the day.

I have the Neurosurgeon on Tuesday about my lower back and possible surgery, and that is just stressing me out.

I don't leave the house unless I have to. I have to see my p-doc next Thursday, but all that really is a med check and an update on me.

I know some of this is grieving, some is pain, some is fear of the unknown. I am so tired of everything.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Nikko

wow nikko,
You have alot on your plate.
It sounds very hard to do all of that work at once.
The grieving alone part takes slot of your energy.
The worry part about your back is exhausting.
I am sorry that you are feeling depressed.
Has dirk been giving you some good hugs lately?
heres another one for you
(((((HUGS)))))
beth

I guess I am just overwhelmed, huh?


Yes, Dirk is understanding.

I just don't understand why I can't keep it together and do things to feel better, like keep busy. I have no energy at all.

Nikko

Nikko

Sleeping is a good way to escape the pain. I believe when you're ready you'll get up and get busy. I know when I've had enough of laying in bed I will get fed up with it and get up to get busy. Your going through a lot and sometimes sleep isn't that bad if it helps you deal with things. If you can try to play some upbeat music or force yourself to go for a walk. Both can lift your mood. And if you try to do one new thing a day being active may be easier.

barbara