[Nikko]

I am in a really crappy state of mind. I know I am depressed, I don't even bother to get dressed somedays. I was making lasagna yesterday and started crying, because that was something my mom and I always did. See, I can't even write about it w/o crying. I was supposed to make it for NY EVE, but didn't, went to bed before the ball dropped on the East Coast, figured it would just upset me.

My foot is healing, but can't seem to get into doing housework, I just want to sleep, and I do during the day.

I have the Neurosurgeon on Tuesday about my lower back and possible surgery, and that is just stressing me out.

I don't leave the house unless I have to. I have to see my p-doc next Thursday, but all that really is a med check and an update on me.

I know some of this is grieving, some is pain, some is fear of the unknown. I am so tired of everything.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Nikko