My half sis whom I've never met has been uspetting me big time lately. I suspect that the uspetting events have been snowballing until it seems so big to me now that I just want to scream.

First off when I told my sis I had planned on getting her Photo Shop Elements for Christmas but was waiting for the right price she said she's seen them 3,000 away from me by her selling for $20 cheaper than by me. I told her I would send her the money for her to get it then. Well, that was around Thanksgiving time and she has not gotten it yet. She keeps telling me that she can't find it anywhere. I sent her a check for $80 so that was something big on my part to do.

Then I get a ceramic tree from her that she made but the light won't stay on and she knew this before she sent it to me. I didn't tell her how disappointed I was that she would think of sending me a gift that was not working and knowing it didn't work. She had no idea how to fix it but told me I could get someone to fix it.

Then yesrterday my sis asked me what planet I was on when I told her it must be nice that her husband will be going shopping with her. I did not derserve that comment from my sis and I have not called her back. Today I emailed her with a link to Amazon that has the Photo Shop Elements on sale for $60 which is $20 cheaper than the money I sent to her. I bet she still won't get it as I don't believe her when she said she couldn't find it and that's why she hasn't bought it. She is playing me for a fool and I don't like it. I also told her in the email that when she is in a better mood and can talk to me without insulting me then to let me know.

My sis is usually not verbally abusive to me and I want to nip it in the bud before she thinks she can talk to me like that all the time. I fought too hard to get away from those type of put downs. How would you handle it? I never told her in the email I sent to her today how disappointed I was that she didn't buy the software or elaborate on it in any other way. I want to though. I want to tell her if she's not going to buy the software to send me all but $20 back to me because the only reason why I sent her so much money was to get the software.

Barbara

Barbara,

This is why I don't do presents. People get stuff they don't want.

Your sister probably spent the $80.00 already (did you check with your bank to see if the check got cashed?)
If she spent it, you can be sure that she put the money to good use.

Once you send off a check, you don't have any power over how the person is going to spend it.
(This is why some people use gift cards--so they can make sure that the other person uses the gift at Barnes and Noble, Nike, . . .wherever.) But I think that gift cards are tacky and bossy.

Try to be gracious and let it go.

She sent you an awful Christmas present. You sent her a nice cheque because you had in mind that she would go through with what you talked about and buy some good software.
She is not going to say anything like that but that is the truth.
You know that you sent a gift from your heart because you wanted her to have the software that you talked about.

Maybe take a break from her until this does not bother you as much.

Mari

Thank you Mari. I also think that my sister has already spent the money. I cound not find December's bank statement but I do believe she's cashed it already. I sent her the check the beginning of November according to the check register. I had mistakenly thought I sent it around Thanksgiving but found out it was much sooner than that. What bothers me about thinking she's already spent the money is that i doubt seriously it went to good use. My sister and her family have to have all the latest techenlogy things. She gets a new more expensive digital camera every year. All her kids have cell phones and other technology gadgets. As far as material things she has much more than I because I have a fixed income and she does not. This is why it angers me that she would spend the money on something else when she's not needy and that I sacrificed and did without to give her something she had expressed interest in having. I'm going to take your advice and leave her alone for the time being until I can learn to live with it.

It also brings to mind when I was a little kid and my mom gave me milk money to take to school. I didn't do what my mom gave me the money for and spent it on candy instead of milk. Boy was my mom mad when she found out. I never did such a thing ever again like that.

Barbara

I agree with Mari, take a break, let it go. It will only eat at you.

I also think Gift Card's are a better idea.

Nikko

It's sad, but I guess chalk it up to a lesson learned.
You learned the hard way about what kind of person she really is..

Thank you Nikko and Jo.

Yes, Jo, I did learn the hard way what kind of person she really is.

Today I got an email from my sister telling me she was sorry but she doesn't know anything about insulting me. I don't know how to take that either. She's been on an anti-depressant for the past month or so that she doesn't like so it could be the medicine making her act so verbally abusive. Although she use to always claim that she could come back with some good snappy answers to people. She's just never done it with me until the other day.

Barbara

What about just sending cards and not gifts or money? Use your Photoshop program and make her an awesome card. (That I would love, more than a store bought one. )

If finances change, maybe make a donation in her name to her favorite charity?

I'm sorry you got hurt.

that is an excellant idea curious.
I hope you are well.
((((HUGS))))
beth

I know in our case we usually give our older boys cash. But thats because
they need it to help with their expenses.

And then I tell my relatives and people that want to know what to give.

Either to get burger king gift certificates or gas cards.

Donna

Well, I called my sister by accident this evening thinking I dialed a friend's number. I came right out and asked her if she had spend the money I sent to her and she said no she was holding onto it for an emergency. So in essence she used her money for Christmas for her family and is holding onto the money I gave to her for an emergency now because she must be low in the cash she considered separate from the money I sent to her. When I asked her to repeat herself she changed her story to something completely different. The 2nd story she gave me was she hasn't had time to go shopping without her family. She went on to explain if she took her family they'd expect her to spend the money I sent to her for her on them instead.

You know what really hurts me is that my sister is bending over backwards to lie to me. I can not trust some one who will lie to me like that and it hurts me she is doing this to me. I'm going to confront her when I can decide what to say without so much emotion. I just can not go on with a relationship with her like I've always done since her and I hooked up about 12 years ago by phone. I told her it was okay for her to tell me if she spent the money. She had to justify herself though by lying to me. I think I'm going to tell her exaxtly how I feel about it. I'm going to tell her that I am hurt by what she said. I'm not going to make her accountable or ask for the money back. I'm just going to tell her that she's lost my trust in her though. I will take my time though to think out how to word it to her.

barbara