Hi,
Sometimes being at a church service can do that to me too -- one reason why I don't go. Usually it's because something brings back memories (good memories most of the time but overwhelming all the same).

I like to think of our emotions as real . . . and honest. I don't think that you need to worry about whether you are tapping into them appropriately or not.
Do you enjoy going to the church? Do you feel like you get something out of it?
M.

I'm glad going to Church seems to be turning on that tap somehow... i bet it's a huge relief. You will gradually learn to find the tap without being in Church or other settings that "find it for you" lol, and you will gradually learn to "adjust the tap" ... a process, but you are already in it, you are getting there.

As an introspective exercise, you might journal about the feelings that got brought up from Church... it might re-evoke them - mind you - but either way, journalling about those experiences might help you to become more aware of your feelings... what they are about... and how you feel about different things.

It is funny, since you had mentioned possibly giving up something for Lent, I was going to suggest an Ash Wednesday Catholic Mass to you... but i didn't make it in time to suggest it. The reason would have been i would expect the sermon at that mass to focus on the story of Christ's own pilgrimage into the desert... where he was tempted by the devil. That pilgrimage, fasting, temptation and all, was a rite of passage for him. I thought you might draw from the hearing the story (even if though you probable already know it basically), especially via an interpretive sermon. I thought this because you too seem to be going through a rite of passage.

Religious credence aside, if you are interested, you might ask your friend to give you a bible reference on it to (re)read, if you didn't hear a sermon on it in recent services. i can probably find it but am not going to get into specifics on forum beyond this. we can take it up as a private discussion however, if you wish.

take care, Beth.

~ waves ~