Wes,

meditate.
you have the skills.
you have used them under worse conditions.
the more you can keep calm and centered, the better.
and the less likely you are to fall into the state you were in a few days back.

as i see it:

you are going through this without adequate medical and environmental support. i am really quite upset that this is so. i also know this will not be under your control until you are 18.

the thing is, given your age, your personal history, familial history, and current condition (mixed episode, intermittent but severe psychotic symptoms - positive type with aggressive attributes), i believe that the faster you receive a resolutive pharmacological intervention, within a controlled environment that protects you and others from all eventualities, the better off you will be......

.......now and over the course of your entire life. each episode matters. the longer each episode is allowed to "degrade," the worse your prognostic outlook becomes. that is no small matter.

and in the short term: it is no small matter that lucidity can be lost at the drop of a hat... even if you are skilled at being vigilant and are aware you are "losing it" ... between the time you call someone to get help, and the time anyone arrives, you, and anyone with you, risk irreparable harm.

but until you get into a protected medical situation, DO use your skills of meditation and energy channelling to mitigate your state as much as possible, and do this as often as you possibly can. also, even if you were to check yourself in... you can continue using your skills to augment the benefits of therapy.

i have the feeling you and/or mom may not agree with my viewpoint here. i cannot help that. but i am well-read on these topics, so this is not just my opinion, but one based on medical articles i've read. so i felt i had to say this. you know that saying "to thine own self be true?" well, i didn't feel i would have been true to myself if i didn't post at least this much to you, right now.

but now i'm gonna zippit and take off, before your momma comes and kicks my butt... coz i'm really, really not up for any sort of confrontation, myself, right now.

i do wish you well, Wes. Keep up the good fight.

May the Force be with you!

~ waves ~

Dear Wes,
I'm sorry that you are struggling.
You need to tell each person on your health care team exactly what is going on.
Ask each one for more help than you are currently getting.

Sometimes it is too late to ask for help, so it is best to ask for help when you are still in a good condition.
Also, the longer you get by with inadequate help, the worse each episode can get.

Mari

Wes,

The others gave some good suggestions and I don't know what else to add. I would like to see you check in though so we'll know how your doing.

barbara