hi,
I'm needing some role models.

I remember one person for sure with a big case of bipolar who got better, reduced her meds, and left the boards because she was in good shape.

I can't think of anyone else. I know of a few who seem to have gotten better and don't visit the boards.

Or do people cut back on board time, leave, and then get better?
mari

Personally for me, I left the boards because this is where I use to sit and drink at my computer table night after night, the whole cycle of me sitting here had to be broken. And I think it accounted for alot of my rants, and trying to be overly funny in posts.

I resolved that indeed I have an addiction. I joined AA, and have been sober for 9 months. I do AA everyday which is like a daily reprieve, daily affirmation, daily thing in my life that provides support. Everyday, 7 days a week, and I still think its group therapy, but we just don't call it that. I also attend therapy, once a week and see my psychiatrist every month (who is still useless, but works, I have no control over him anymore.) Not to get all AA on you, but Step One is basically saying "we determined our lives were unmanagable," and mine REALLY WAS, and Two, came to believe that a higher power (any kind) could restore US TO SANITY. That one made me say "I AM IN, HANDS DOWN."

AA way of life is hard to describe, its led me to a "spiritual" experience as opposed to just a resolve that I am screwed up royally, and aside from that it does not have to be about religion its spiritual in anyway you make it. I was at the sober 7 mths point and went into the hospital for a manic attack as I have described before, very psychotic, so I know for sure its not just alchohol that is my problem I really am bipolar. But being sober makes me more aware of what each medication makes me feel and do as opposed to before.

Once I was over sitting at the computer table without the alchohol, I found it hard to post because, I did need a break, I had to stop the cycle of sitting here. I now workout twice as much, the gluten diet worked and I did it for 5 months, but now I just watch what I eat, and I am fine, but it does work, I lost 30lbs which incredibly helped my self worth and self esteem issues.

I guess the real thing is I just cut back on time on the boards because I am trying to look at bipolar from a diff angle and the tenents they teach you as opposed to focusing on bipolar, now I have something else to obsess about?? :-) There are so many, so many, bipolars in AA its UNREAL and I feel right at home and we do talk about it because some way or another we all ended up with bipolar or depression before, after or during drinking or stopping.

The spiritual experience is very strong, and that is what helps me, I need to believe in something, that there is more to life, and that it can happen and will SLIGHTLY restore me to some degree of managable, standard of living.

I wonder if that helps. Even more, I get so paranoid on these boards, fear I am trying to conquer also.

Good ???????? I think people come and go as they feel they need to.

Graduate, well since it is a disease, I doubt we ever graduate. We just learn how to deal with things differently, yet we all need support at all times in our lives, just like people w/o BP.

Nikko

Maybe some do.I just tend to get expelled.

forgive me... roflmao... graduate from these boards... i love it i love it. i think all four of your observations are true, in different cases.

wise observations.

~ waves ~ sends you all well wishes

I get paranoid a lot. I find it hard not to second guess and come to negative conclusions.It's hard knowing how to interpret where other people are coming
from sometimes.

Dear Friends,
I don't even know what to say. I am moved by your sharing.

My last two pdocs said that people get better. They've seen it. So I am going to believe that. I am going to hold on to it.

And I am going to keep posting. Because I need to see your faces/monikers.

Thank you very much.
Mari

Hi,

If you could take a vacation from bipolar, what whould you do?

I think I would do something that requires a clear mind not addled by meds.
Like cook a full meal. Or write a so so novel. Or decorate the living room so it looks like a room people live in. Or invite myself somewhere where interesting people have clever conversations.

Or I could go get drunk without worrying about med reactions.

Or maybe, for a vacation from bipolar, I could get on a plane without worrying about freaking out and making the security people nervous.

Or maybe go visit my parents and know which issues I have with them are them and which issues are me.

Feel lost because I am not myself?

That's enough. What would you do?

Mari

I want to tell you mari that you are beautiful just the way you are.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Mari, you ask, what is the chance of 1) getting stable/recovering, 2) markedly reducing meds and 3) graduating to no longer needing this board..

I think there is a good chance of getting much more stable with 1) reduction and control of stress in your life, 2) becoming aware of triggers so you can either avoid them, reduce their impact or get ready to see your doc, therapist or tweak your meds, 3) becoming aware of the EARLY signs of a mood swing. Having the right kinds of psychotherapies can, we are told, help. And those types of therapy involved teaching different ways of thinking about and reacting to things that happen around us and to us. Triggers.

Reducing meds? Who can tell when your brain is different from my brain which is different from the next brain. We are all very well acquainted with the fact that -with many of us- our responses to our meds tend to fluctuate over time as -presumably- our brain gets "used to" the pharmacy correction and "finds a way around." None of this is for sure, but research being done. I know that one of the persons left on nothing more than a miniscule amount of Prozac. I have periodically cut back to JUST Lamictal or JUST an AD --- but each time, eventually, I have either entered a depression and needed to up my AD or noticed myself acting just a bit more like a teenager - always my "clue" ...

Reducing meds? When I was on Xyprexa and gaining weight like a placid feedlot cow, I wanted off it. When I was on Geodon and couldn't drive and having panic attacks, I wanted off it. When I was having previously NEVER KNOWN rages on other meds, I wanted off them. But my current meds MAKE ME FEEL NORMAL and I do NOT want to even contemplate "getting off them" when I think of all the years I lived without them.

Reducing meds? I would NOT want to reduce meds if my quality of life lessens. If I get more impulsive. If my interpersonal relationships suffer.

As far as "leaving this board"?? I don't come here every day. When I am here, I don't read every thread. I prefer having this group, even if I don't contribute as much as I think I should. I can find comfort and group identity -- especially concerning how my family has responded to my DIAGNOSIS (even tho I have been "me" my whole life and even tho I am a MUCH calmer, more stable person since my diagnosis) since I am officially "the crazy one". It is rough and it is NOT what I expected at all. I LIKE the fact that others know where I am emotionally about that. Who else but a group of BiPolars know what it is like to be labeled bipolar in this world? When a mod decided I was out, I had absolutely NO peer group for over a year. And it was hard.

So I never daydream about those kinds of things ...I am just too blessed by what I have gained by 1) having the diagnosis, 2) having meds and 3) having this group.

I hope as you approach Christmas and count all your blessings, any of us who have any sense of shame and unworthiness about being bipolar, and toss those feelings in the trash. There ARE worse things than bipolar. We could have AIDS like my dead brother or Cancer like my family members who have died from cancer, or disabling diabetes like my dad who might lose a leg to gangrene eventually. Or we could be hopelessly schizophrenic, unable to function in society, or an autistic adult whose parents have died and who now is dependent of the state to house and feed and clothe him. Or we could be homeless. Wheeling a shopping basket with all our worldly goods, living in doorways or over heating vents. Accepting charitable coats and blankets and overnight housing in this weather. Hoping we can get transportation to the community charity Holiday meal in our city -- if we LIVE in city that has one

And as for my idea of "having a vacation from Bipolar"? Why, I've experienced that every day since I got on the right meds for me. I am having to learn life skills I never ever learned and life skills that I have lost during the years of illness... and when I finish my interrupted education, that will be a red letter day indeed. But every day is a gift to me now. I have a constant friend for almost all of 8 years now, in another two months. Never in my entire life have I have had a friend that long. Ever.