Howdy all................well yesterday I cleaned. I needed to rid my self of some bent up anger and nervous energy.

I finally talked to my mom. I will try to make this sound as it was. The drinking, she can't promise me anything, which is true. She is ready to die, she feels she is useless. She thought about my Dad and my StepDad how they died from alcohol and said they really didn't suffer (not true) and that she was going to go that way, this is what she had figured in her mind.

I said I will not stay around to watch that transpire before my eyes again.
It is too painful. I said if you feel, that way you need help - therapy, counseling, hospital for depression. Obiviously the prozac isn't doing the trick.

Next breathe she said she wants to go to PT for her arthritis and to feel better and be able to get around. I said well that is a start.

She hasn't had a drink since that horrid night. So, now I am in limbo land, wondering what is next.

I am going to see if she will make the call herself about PT, she is able to do that and she should. If she continues to talk about wanting to die, I will have to call her Dr. if she continues to have those episodes of drinking, I will have to call 911 if she is on the floor, and then make some arrangements for her to go into detox and/or therapy, more like a depression hospital.

If she doesn't want any of this help or refuses it, she can forget about me being around, sounds cruel, I would always make sure she is taken care of, but I am not going to watch her kill herself with alcohol. She feels she doesnt have long to live. That was the case when she was in the hospital last year and part of this year, but she pulled through like a trooper.

That is why it is so sad to hear these things come out of her mouth. I am going to try and get her out of the house more, which is such an effort on her part, because of the arthritis pain, plus being in bed so much and not moving around will make your body feel more sore.

I am doing the best I can, I don't know what else to say or do.

Hugs, Nikko