I am sure she will be appreciate that you tried.
Fear is what is behind alot of peoples problems, I know it is one of my problems.
As far as what to do with your feleings when you have finished your session, perhaps you can go home and journal...then bring in the journal the next time yous ee her so you can start where you left off and gives you something to look at and begin so maybe you will be more present and feel more productive.
Ilike the suggestion about wrapping up a bit earlier and recapping what was said and done, maybe you could ask for that?
it sounds like you are getting overwhelmed with the big picture and not focusing on the here and the now, remeber it really takes one day at a time.
((((HUGS))))
beth

Gosh I have to say BJ,

I personally find it wonderful that you have put this together. It was something you were having a struggle with. But you really worked through
the struggle and dug deep and kept up.

Way to go.

Donna

Dear BJ,

Congrats on your nursery rhyme. I know that you struggled with that all week.

It's common that people try to look and act better than they really feel when they are with the tdoc / pdoc. I think it is normal, considering we do that during the day when we have interactions with other people -- it is hard to switch that off.

And most docs can see through it -- so it is ok.

But it can be more helpful if you can be as honest as possible with yourself and the tdoc. It makes progress move along better if you do not have to spend emotional energy to cover up how bad things are.


A few times with my old tdoc many years ago, I used to bring in an agenda (2 copies -- one for him and one for me) that even included how much time we would spend on each item.
That was my way of asking him to help me by making sure that we got to all the issues that I thought were important.

The last time I saw my current tdoc, I had a handwritten list of about 5 things that were a big problem that particular day. I read them to her at the beginning of the session. She made a comment or two, and then we went on to something else that we had been working on long term.

But most of the time with her, I do not mention the little weekly stuff. I don't need her help coping with my day to day stuff -- I use my sis or this board or something else for that.
With her, I jump right into what we have been working on and off for years. Sometimes she wants to slow down and go over the past week anyway.

Other weeks, she does not want to go over my daily / weekly events, but wants to stick to my main themes.

Do you bring a watch with you?
You are allowed to look at it. ;)
Sometimes some of us develop a pretty good sense of what 50 minutes is. I can feel when the session is going to wrap up.
Or I can look at my watch or a clock -- if she has a clock out on her desk.

These things that I mention are little practical matters. (We need a book about how to get the most out of therapy!)

The important thing is to be aware of your progress and to feel good about it. You will keep progressing.



M.

time
 

Dear BJ

I have a terrible time keeping track of time when i'm in therapy... once i get on a roll... i tend to steamroll.:eek: my pdoc has a clock but it is not always functioning. i did the following for a while, then stopped because it seemed superfluous, but now i find i am back to ill-timing again, so it was not superfluous.

my cellphone has an alarm on it. my session is supposed to be 55 mins but he always runs 60. in any event i set my alarm to 10 mins before session end. that gives me time to wrap up, settle down - eg stop crying if i am, get scripts if i need them etc. you may need more time - like 15 mins... your choice.

i sometimes - like Mari - bring a list. especially if i have journalled during the week and there are "point items" - although my point items may well be part of whatever "big issue" we are on. also on the list will be anything critical that happened to report - eg mood change or major life event, and last but not least if i need scripts, labs, or other documentation.

if documentation must be left to the end since discussion is first needed, i might set my alarm for 15 mins before end of session. otherwise i get the docs out of the way at the beginning. i guess this is not such an issue for you since your pdoc is different person than your t - who is not writing scripts. well, i'm leaving it in, just for food for thought in general.

:hug:

~ waves ~

Dear BJ,

i read about your having done your nursery rhyme last night... and just spaced out... wowww. well done. sounds like you have learned something from it already from seeing the word 'fear' repeated.

Remember, if you feel too uncomfortable singing it, tell your therapist firmly that you are not up to that. if she insists, perhaps you can ask to meet her half way and only sing a line. also, since they are your words, you might ask her NOT to sing them with you or for you. i don't know but i got the sense that HER doing that hurt worse than the idea of your doing it yourself. possibly because, if it were me, i would feel violated. so that is me, but if that aspect - her singing - felt wrong to you too, then make that a boundary, and ask her to respect it.

i just think Mari had a very good point, so quoting it. highlighted the part that i consider the crux. how so exhausting it is to "seem." and with a t, it is not useful - with the outside world unfortunately, we do need to do that a lot.

Well done again on the Homework!

~ waves ~

This is interesting....

I have read that rhymes and song melody are processed by the right hemisphere of the brain. When you put words into those formats the message goes to the emotional centers better.

It is thought that the non-verbal right brain is responsible for many lingering bad feelings. This technique is used for people with aphasia also.

A friend of mine who was a social worker told me that much of therapy is talking out loud, and thereby reprocessing thoughts and feelings which then have to go thru the auditory channels.
This makes integration faster. For example if someone is upsetting you, and you write them a letter, you should read it outloud to yourself, to defuse your disturbed responses. Many people find that after that they don't need to send a letter at all!
If you keep a journal, reading it out loud, helps the same way.

Females have some small amount of verbal right brain abilities whereas males do not. So I think your therapist was being very creative.

BJ & Mrs D
 

BJ

this sounds hopeful. maybe you can give it a whirl. perhaps a line at a time. or jump in once and see what happens. anyway you've done a good job so far. Always keep sight of how far you've come! :hug:


Mrs D

if you can point me to literature (online or other) for further reading on what you have posted - sp. regarding brain lateralization / linguistics in females, music, right brain re-processing of negative emotions... any or all of that...

i would be really interested. thank you in advance! Feel free to PM or leave a visitor message if you prefer not to post, although i think others might be interested too...

~ waves ~

I don't really remember what happened yesterday. I know I didn't turn in my homework. I told her I need more time but I did mention that it had fear in it a lot.

She said to me "Do you know what the opposite of happiness is? No, it’s not unhappiness. Unhappiness is not a cause; it’s the effect of something. The opposite of happiness is FEAR!
I forget a LOT of my sessions. Sometimes later, I'll get a hazy memory and I'll ask her about it and she can tell me in more detail what happened. She brought up something I said and I don't even remember saying it.

Sometimes I want to know what happened in a session, so she'll sum it up for me (like on the phone between sessions or at the beginning of my next session). Sometimes I DON'T want to know, and she respects that.

It's hard for me to prevent it. I know that there have been times when I really want to stay present and I'll tell her that before the session and then if I start to drift away, she'll ask me to stay, or we'll stand up, or name things in the room, or switch chairs. It can be a lot of work.

I've asked her how I can know what I'm telling her if I don't remember. She said when I was ready, I would tell myself. That's kind of what has happened, I think...

I wonder if she would allow you to record your sessions with her?

Take notes
 

BJ,
I have taken notes in session -- esp at the end if we are doing a kind of recap before it is time to leave.

Or I go out to the lobby / car and write down what is on my mind -- only 30 seconds from leaving the office. Then I can journal on it at home.

My current tdoc was extremely disappointed when she found out that I am a note taker by nature but do not take many notes in her office. She found that important for some reason.

(Sometimes I think our memory protects us by letting us forget -- it's not completely forgotten, just in a different place and not easy to retrieve.)
So lately I do not spend a huge effort on my memory -- if I need something it will come back to me.



Mari