And have used it twice, going again tomorrow too. I am feeling stronger and much less depressed, I write that off as being due to the sunshine and exercise I'm getting from our pool outings. Jackie loves it but he's been acting up when we get home, it's like he just has so much energy and gets so bored, thank heavens summer school starts on Monday!

I am not using the CPAP religiously like I need to and it's bothering me that I'm not, but it's the mask, it makes me sweat and with the perimenapause going on (not for sure it is yet, got to go in for a ultrasound on my uterus to see if I have fibroids) I really don't want to sleep with it on. Other then that things are going well.

I know it's been a little while since I posted, but I just don't have motivation to do much. I am still bothered by my inability to write, I hope that when he's in summer school I can get into the old work in progress, or start something new. Jack is having sugery in the middle of the month and I am planning on getting my tubes tied once things work out so that I can make that happen.

The ultrasound is the next step to that, then I need to go back to the health dept. and get the results, see the video on the procedure and then they make you wait a month to make sure you really WANT it done. So hopefully it will work out well, with all the meds I take I really can't imagine having another baby at 40. So I need to do this now, to protect myself and Jackie from the pain that would bring our family.

Sure I would love it and do everything for it, but I just can't go through childbirth again or pregnancy, I would most likely end up diabetic, I skirted it last time around, and I really do not want to temp fate. This is a big thing for me since I put off getting the pap for over a year. I was going to get an IUD but they have side effects and I don't want heavier periods. So hopefully this tube tying will take away the anxiety I feel over the potential of pregnancy.