HI,
I left a voice mail that I want to sleep all day.
Since the sleep study my skin is itchy / burning and I am not in the mood to go out in the heat.
Besides that, I only sleep in the day light now -- the skin business has heightened anxieties.

She hates when I cancel at the last minute -- but I did try (sort of) to cancel last week.


M.

Dear Mari,

you did cancel last week and she didn't get it. and you can mention your attempt when you see her next, fwiw.

i'm sorry you are still itchy. is it getting any better though? have you called your mdoc?

i hope sleep provides some relief.

i couldn't sleep till 6.30 am... it was full daylight. at that point i did all the shutter arrangment and moving of plants etc before tucking in. and had cereal. then i slept until about now (just had coffee) - it is 3.15pm.

i hope you sleep well and feel better when you wake up.

no hugs... no good for itchies...

cool, aloe-gel vibes instead

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
I'm glad that you got your sleep -- even if sleeping in daylight presents challenges.
M.

Hi,
Yes, I hear you pushing about the mdoc -- trying to ignore you

I will call the mdoc later about an appt tomorrow.
I'm really not up to going out of the apt today.
I think I should go to sleep.

M.

Mari

What are you using on the itching.

Donna

Dear Mari,

i'm so sorry my inquiry came off as pushy. glad you ignored it. Actually, I did get that you needed to stay in for the day, and get sleep. And figured that is all you were going to do, period.

And I do hope you did get some quality sleep today.

About the mdoc, i thought you might have already called (just for information or reassurance, not even necessarily a visit). anyway i asked only to follow up with you. i'm sorry it felt like pressure to call. i will desist from further questions on that.

I just hope you feel better soon.

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
Oh, dear.
I am sounding agitated.
And I'm annoying.
Apologies.

In real life, I am worse.
I've glad that you are not here to hear me whine and nag and complain.

I slept about 5 hours during the day and am way into a sleep deficit. (The last time I slept almost decently was 6 hours Thursday night in the sleep lab.) Still, I could at least take a break and pipe down until I am presentable in public on the board.

I got a hold of my acupuncturist and have an appointment coming soon. She can help me with the skin reaction I seem to have had in the sleep lab. She also helps with anxiety.
Once I spoke to her this afternoon, I felt much better -- I have been missing her.

Tdoc usually uses lots of hypnosis and relaxation techniques in her therapy. But this summer, we haven't done any. I've missed that -- even though I trust the way she manages our session time.


So two of my helpers have been a little bit absent.

But then both of them would tell me to
1. find a way to sleep
2. find ways to give back to myself via relaxation or exercise or meditation and so on.
Maybe I could be my own caregiver and give 1 and 2 a try.

Thanks for letting me use this space.

M.

Thanks, Donna,
I'm not using anything.
Maybe today the itching was less bad.
Mostly it is not bad.

But I am scared. Scared that it is happening at all and scared that trying to work out the sleep apnea puzzle seemed to send me back instead of forward.
I'm impatient.

M.

No apologies necessary.

And you are completely presentable for this board.

I am glad to hear your skin reaction is receding. I really think it was a stress reaction to do with microcirculation, causing augmented skin sensitivity (to hot water for instance) and perpetuated by ongoing anxiety.

Yes, I think trying to follow what-you-believe-would-be your tdoc's and accupuncturist's suggestions about giving back to yourself somehow would be good. Give it a shot... just do what you can.

This is a difficult time for you. I wonder if you had the expectation (I did, originally) that finding out about the sleep apnea and therefore treatability would be forward progress and bring a relief of sorts... even psychologically. I am now thinking that expectation was not realistic. It really didn't occur to me before, but, this new information puts you are at a new juncture in treatment. There will be a life/pattern change.

Change is scary. It's ok and natural to be scared in these situations. I wonder if it helps to realize that. Luckily change is also temporary. So you will inevitably get less scared and feel better.

I wish this wasn't all tied up with sleep because that would be one of the best medicines.

Good luck with trying to sleep more, or perhaps meditate? or do some simple yoga? ... and i hope your accupuncturist can help soon and that you will see your tdoc soon too.

And your posts are fine. This is a good place to put your scaredness.



~ waves ~

Are you feeling better tonight Mari? I hate it when I don't get enough sleep, did they order you a CPAP yet? I missed wherever you talked about the second test, how did it go? I h ope things get better as you get used to wearing the mask, what kind did you get used on you? I have both because Mom gets the full faced ones and gave me one of her old ones. I like it as a back up but I rely on the nasal mask with a chin strap.