Finding it so hard to hang on
This body that behaves like quicksand
Slowly crushing you Slowly the life coming to an end Let go I tell myself Just let go To have this feeling come to me The devils hour I’m up every morning at three crying for an hour before I rerun to bed after making Eva’s lunch and breakfast I am just broken Haven’t been seen or heard from Just how I am So much taken from this body in the last ten years One by one Piece by piece Was never like this Yet here I am This death in my gut Take it from me I ask every single morning This is how I wake Every single morning How did I get here Me |
Quote:
Had the breast reconstruction In worse pain now I was never given the choice I did my homework With my insurance company Found a five star doctor But that’s not what happened I can’t even look at me without crying Especially my left side |
December 9
This be the day I disrobe before my doctor
For the first three months back and forth back and forth to hi After some time The last time I was in front of him His outlook to make nipples something I never would have had done But it was bleak each time I went to see him as I couldn’t sleep for a week the pain was just so unbearable I had my family vice me between rolled up blankets on each side of my body as I lay on my back Something I am not used to What was he thinking I keep telling myself I so cannot wait to see him I sick of the brush me off attitude What the hell does he want to get paid for I will live with this pain who knows for how long December 9th Me |
My last final visit 6 months post op
And his answer knowing how I explained under no circumstances would I ever increase a grain more of pain meds
Because having to have done the extensive homework the courage to finally address it always chief complaint pain in one Double bubble in the other that I was told it would fall into place to give it time LIE and to then hear this doctor say I don’t know why you healed as you did and the pain is not understood now in both Said sorry and walked out the door |
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