[Treadingwater]

It's been some time since I've accessed any sort of support around my husbands MS. The last few months have included him telling me that he's been feeling more and more sad, to the point where he breaks down and cries, figuring out which anti-depressant will work best(haven't got there yet), and now he is seeing a counselor. I'm thankful he is talking to someone because I know he was keeping so much of what he's been feeling from me. I also realize he does this out of a need to protect me. He admitted that he's scared and for some reason I feel like I should be doing or saying something to help him around that. The truth is it scares me too. I don't know whether to talk or go on naturally through the day. Sometimes it feels like we are so far apart.

[Rrae]

I'm so sorry to hear this about your husband's struggles.....he's blessed to have you.....reaching out like this is a true act of love.....

Hang on! Others will soon be along who can give you great support on your hubbie's condition......

Truly Caring
Rae

[Twinkletoes]

I'm so sorry about your husband's MS.
Its frustrating for him to be so depressed, and also for you to feel alienated not know how best to help.

I have MS and before diagnosis (3 years ago), didn't have a clue why I'd get teary-eyed occasionally. I remember going to the doctor and telling him, "I don't know what's wrong with me!" He put me on some anti-depressants, but they didn't really help (or maybe I didn't give them a good enough trial period).

When I'm in the state of mind, everything that's wrong appears to be my husband's fault! Its not, of course, but being emotional/irrational can play tricks on your mind and cloud what the real problem is.

To show your support, could you maybe suggest that he join you in a walk around the block? Take this time to express your love and concern, and offer to support him in any way you can.

If he can't bring himself to do that, maybe you could make his favorite dessert and special deliver it to him, joining him in eating it. This would give you the same kind of non-threatening opportunity to tell him how much you care. Maybe give him a gentle shoulder massage and seal it with a hug and kiss.

In addition to the counseling, I would suggest that you encourage him to make an appt. with his neuro to see if maybe he's in the throes of a flare.

MS is such a mysterious and difficult disease. So much of treating is is purely guesswork, IMO. Just do the best you can, TW, and know that even if your husband doesn't appear to appreciate your efforts immediately, he will eventually. It is good to do what you mentioned--to go about your day like normal and to be kind and considerate; e.g.: "Honey, would it bother you too much if I vacuumed right now?"

Welcome to NeuroTalk and I hope that you are able to get some direction from the caring folks here. Is your husband a member? We'd love to get to know him, too!

Good luck and best wishes to you both! I do hope you'll keep us posted.

[Treadingwater]

Thank you both for your kind words. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with everything that is going on and I find reaching out to others really helpful to keep me from sinking.
Twinkletoes- Thanks for the suggestions. I think a phone call to his neuro is probably a good idea. I will suggest it to him. He isn't a member here. On one hand I think this could be a good place for him to talk and on the other hand I'm feeling a bit nervous about him seeing what I've said. He really is super sensitive in regards to my happiness and I think he has an unfounded concern that I may leave him if things ever got worse. As a counselor in a small town I don't have many people I can turn to in order to vent.

I'm glad this place was suggested to me by SandyC. She helped me through my husbands initial diagnosis.

[SandyC]

Well hey there!!! He's going to try and protect, it's his nature. I think your doing the right thing by asking what else you could do. In my experience I let Jim get through whatever it was he needed to and was there when he was ready to talk. It was sometime before he did because he was the strong one, the man of the family so to speak.

Don't worry about being overwhelmed, that's why this place is here. We have several spouses on here that will lift you up when you need to.

For sure call the neuro because they will want to know what's up. Is your hubby on any of the meds for ms like Avonex, Beta, Copax, etc.? If so they could be causing his depression too. Jim is on Beta and man it sent him on a spiral. He now takes Zoloft and does well on that. It's very common with those meds.

And about that massage, I have never met a man that would turn one of those down!

[Treadingwater]

Hi Sandy.

It's been a long time! It can really hard to get on the computer when there is a three year old constantly calling, "mommy!". My husband was only on Avonex for a few months when he was first diagnosed three years ago. It really messed him up psychologically and he ended up in bed most of the weekend from the side effects. Most people live for the weekends where he was getting anxious and starting to dread them mid-week. I think depression would have set in a long time ago if he had of continued on the Avonex. I do think letting his neuro know is important. Sometimes it is difficult to get him to do these things. At times I feel like I'm always on his case about something like making a phone call. I realize this is also do to his memory loss.
Now that he is seeing this counselor I am starting to understand a few things. Not that it is making it any easier but at least I can get it a bit more. Everytime he comes home from a session his homework is to talk to me. He can't even look me in the eyes when he does it.

Well my day is jus beginning and I can hear my son calling me.
Nice to chat again.