[Idas]

I was reading other posts and everybody seems so loving of each other, it made me feel like the lone stranger. I don't know if I should be saying bad things about my ward. I feel like I'm gonna get struck by lightening or something. But I'll risk it because I need to vent!
Don't anybody stand too close now. I take care of my Mother in law because, quite frankly, she has chased everybody in her bloodline off. She treats everybody like they are totally incompetent, and believes everybody is out to steal from her. As a matter of fact, to hear her tell it, everybody who's ever been in her house has stolen from her. And she is really of sound mind! One day when she was telling me how to do some mundane task, I just stopped what I was doing and asked "Mom, do you realize I'm almost 50 yrs old?" Her response was to tell me that her (whatever) household item was "delicate". Like, I've never washed laundry before in my life!
I moved in with her because we couldn't afford a full time caregiver, she is on Hospice care, but they just come and go and she can't be left alone all night (can't walk, on oxygen) However, my husband refused to move there. So I am stuck going back and forth between two houses trying to take care of everything and on top of that I'm working full time, my husband is sick, and so am I! Ok, I feel much better now. . . thanks for listening.
Bye for now

[Chemar]

Idas
I hear ya

caring for my MIL was very very hard.

we loved her, but she wore us down, because nothing we did was ever enough, or able to satisfy or please her. It cost my hubby a lot of his health too

it's a very hard place you are in and so I hope you will feel comfy to come vent in here anytime. You need to be able to release!

[Jomar]

That is a heavy load even if the "person " is nice ...
How far away are the two homes?
I hope you don't have to drive far also.

[SandyC]

Good gosh woman! I think what your doing is amazing and somewhat crazy at the same time. lol I don't get along with my MIL, we tolerate each other and that's it. Her son, my husband is wheelchair bound with ms and she has been here one time this year to see him. I honestly don't know if I could care for her knowing how I feel about that. But everyone who knows me says they know I would because it's what I do.

Now, vent away. We as caregivers are not all sugar and spice, we have our days too. I care for my man 24/7 and am blessed that he is one of the most loving, caring and appreciative people I know. That makes my caregiving so much easier. I almost had to take my mother in recently but she's going to try to do it alone right now. I am proud of her for that.

Anytime you need a shoulder you can PM me anytime or just come here and we'll be there for you.

PS: Tell that hubby of yours that you are caring for his momma and that he needs to pitch in.

[CayoKay]

Idas, we're not all sweetness and light.

sometimes we're totally honest about our various pains and exhaustions, but we just try not to focus solely on that, as it drags a body down.

but I DO know exactly how you feel, I think.

my case was similar, except the complainer/kvetcher was my mom's husband.

my mom had a paralyzing stroke in 1995, and her husband was too disabled with arthritis to be her caregiver.

so, my sister and I traded off days, driving 3 hours each way from my home in the foothills, so Mom could stay in her own home, (after her 2 months of nursing-home and rehab.)

her husband watched us like hawks, counted the medicines, checked to be sure we weren't eating his food, and complained constantly about odd things like the settings on his stereo and TV (we never touched them) and it got so bad he would LOCK his bedroom door when going out...

and he would also slam doors, and yell at us, and nitpick constantly...

also, he didn't actually DO any of the washing, or feeding, or diapering, or bed-making, but would always STAND there and point out how we were doing it wrong.

it was very stressful, and exhausting for all of us, and I ended up in tears many times.

after my mom saw how he was treating us for a whole year, she divorced her husband, and we moved in to do the hospice care for the next two years.

I'm really glad we got to have all that time with Mom, looking back, but I remember how hard it was, and I shudder.

I have multiple sclerosis, and am fully disabled, which is why I didn't have to work, and could care for my mom.

hang in there Idas, breathe deep, and pray for calm and patience... it helps.

[snoozie]

Hi Idas, you said your mil was on hospice care. Are there any hospice programs where they would take the mil's social security check for payment?

Not sure if that makes sense it is late here.

Here we have what is called Nathan Adelson hospice. When my bil was in his final stages of cancer he was admitted to hospice and all they charged was what he got from soc security. It was a really nice place to stay and they took great care of him. He was a sweet patient though.

I took care of my mil for just a month after her heart surgery and my biggest fear was that I would have to take care of her long term later in life. SHe wasn't very nice and thats all I have to say about that LOL

Maybe try social services and ask for any help you can get. I feel for ya, I really do. ...Sue

[Idas]

Originally Posted by CayoKay

Idas, we're not all sweetness and light.

sometimes we're totally honest about our various pains and exhaustions, but we just try not to focus solely on that, as it drags a body down.

but I DO know exactly how you feel, I think.

my case was similar, except the complainer/kvetcher was my mom's husband.

my mom had a paralyzing stroke in 1995, and her husband was too disabled with arthritis to be her caregiver.

so, my sister and I traded off days, driving 3 hours each way from my home in the foothills, so Mom could stay in her own home, (after her 2 months of nursing-home and rehab.)

her husband watched us like hawks, counted the medicines, checked to be sure we weren't eating his food, and complained constantly about odd things like the settings on his stereo and TV (we never touched them) and it got so bad he would LOCK his bedroom door when going out...

and he would also slam doors, and yell at us, and nitpick constantly...

also, he didn't actually DO any of the washing, or feeding, or diapering, or bed-making, but would always STAND there and point out how we were doing it wrong.

it was very stressful, and exhausting for all of us, and I ended up in tears many times.

after my mom saw how he was treating us for a whole year, she divorced her husband, and we moved in to do the hospice care for the next two years.

I'm really glad we got to have all that time with Mom, looking back, but I remember how hard it was, and I shudder.

I have multiple sclerosis, and am fully disabled, which is why I didn't have to work, and could care for my mom.

hang in there Idas, breathe deep, and pray for calm and patience... it helps.

Thank you for sharing your story,
Somehow it is comforting to know that others understand how I feel. Idas

[Idas]

Originally Posted by Jo55

That is a heavy load even if the "person " is nice ...
How far away are the two homes?
I hope you don't have to drive far also.

We are only about 15 miles apart, but he is legally blind and can't drive, so I have to do all of the driving. I do it mostly on the weekends any more, or sometimes on my way home from work when necessary. I figured if I moved permanantly to moms, he would eventually miss me enough to tough it out with her, but that hasn't been the case. I gambled and lost cause He's enjoying his solitude. But somebody had to do something, I couldn't just leave her alone. We would have been arrested for elder abuse or something.
Thanks for your interest.
Idas

[Jomar]

If you are staying with the situation as it is - I'd find some way to move closer together {one or the other move, or a duplex etc} or find an assisted living home for her.

[Idas]

Originally Posted by Jo55

If you are staying with the situation as it is - I'd find some way to move closer together {one or the other move, or a duplex etc} or find an assisted living home for her.

That's the hard part. Being on Hospice, they determined that she had 6 mos. or less to live. So I figured I could handle things for that long. But I'ts been four months,(although I have been living here since last November) and she seems to be doing pretty well. They tell me that this is how it goes though, they wax and wane. Then just when they seem to be doing well, they suddenly take a turn for the worse. So it seems frivolous to go through all the costs and stress of moving him right now. I also know that togeather, all they do is stress each other out (and me). Im in a catch 22. Stressed if I do and stressed if I don't. But, I sighned up for this, so what can I say, Just to talk to all of you folks helps somehow.
Thanks for your suggestions.
Idas