The Cyberbully the new playground bully
 

From my work I am involved in programs dealing with cyberbullies.

Not only children get bullied, the internet has become the new bullies playground and choice of attack. Bullying is about power, and what better place. One can be anonymous to inflict distress on someone and have a feeling of being protected. Bullies’ bully because they can! Often they have a history of bullying and gotten away with it.

Many victims are afraid to speak up, and jeopardize their membership in the community.
Others are afraid to speak up against the bullies’ actions as they will come under the attack thus, becoming the next "Victim!" Rightly so.

Many adults have become victims of cyber bullies, finding themselves singled out and treated differently from other people in their online group by someone that feels a need to be dominant over them. Their posts being ignored marginalized or overruled on a constant basis by the bully and the "group" associated with the circle around the bully.

Bullying often starts online, usually with an innocent remark that is taken the wrong way. Because our online communication is through verbal language and not personal visual communication, you can misread a thought within a posted statement.

Soon the victim will find that things they say are being twisted or distorted. Their reputation gets trashed. Often it doesn't help to quit a group, chat or forum and walk away from the situation. The bullies will often follow them online from forum to forum, group to group, chat to chat.

Cyber bullies work to convince their online peers to exclude or reject a victim. Their mission is to cut the victim off from their social connections and friendships in the forums they participate in.

They justify their action by believing they are doing the group a favor by getting rid of the victim! IF the bully succeeds in getting the victim banned from a community they have renewed and "confirmed" their sense of power. This only reinforces the sense of power in the cyber bully.

Cyber bullies want the attention, if they are not the center of it they will fade away (for awhile).The more power they are given by reacting to their post the longer the drama, they take the win.

Don't post long dramatic goodbyes to your cyber friends, that is the ultimate win and gloat for the bully.

Generally though, they will escalate their behavior to the point on a message board the controller will have to intercede and take action getting the bully banned from the forum.

Many areas of the world have different Internet protection laws. Canada has by far been the most aggressive in research and protection. In Canada it is a crime to communicate repeatedly with someone if your correspondence causes them to fear for their own safety and the safety of others. Many other countries and ISPs do take communicated threats very seriously and they can find their Internet being terminated by their ISP.

Cyber bulling also causes emotional harm to its victims. They can develop nightmares, headaches, sleeplessness and depression. Cyber bullying will cause a person to lose self esteem and self confidence. In some cases long term stress from the bullying can require a victim to seek physical or mental health care.

If you run a message board and a cyber bully is a problem, addressing the situation swiftly is recommended; do not allow the post to remain. Contact the Aggressor and notify them that they are on your radar and their actions are being monitored and documented.

Words can have devastating effects.
Dianne

:Good-Post: :Thanx: di.

I agree that an obvious "troll" should be dealt with immediately, and see that always happening here when there's obvious intent.

This administration is very involved in keeping the forums running as smoothly as possible. However, we're not always online to act so I addressed those times as well. If we have PM's with links, etc., we have the information we need to make actions swiftly. That's where PM'ing plays an important part. If there's multiple occurrences, keep PM'ing. :)

Just to clarify my statements...

KD

KD

VERY interesting link, Artist....especially the parts about narcissism and histrionic personality traits. And also thanks to DiMarie for the post. Boy, did that hit the nail on the head- especially the parts about what gives a bully the sense of power and also the part about cyber bullies wanting attention and that the more power they are given by reacting to their posts the longer the drama....Unfortunately, as it says in DiMarie's post, I think we've all probably seen evidence of some people's posts being ignored or marginalized by a bully and his/her group. I think that the part about victims being afraid to speak up because they don't want to jeopardize their membership in the community or come under attack themselves is very true...and also very sad- people shouldn't be made to feel that way, but it certainly does happen as I'm sure we've all seen. Everybody who "knows" me on here knows I'm not afraid to speak my mind:D or stand up for what I think is right or stand up for a person that I think is being mistreated or "ganged up on". I think some people are just too shy or uncomfortable speaking up for themselves and what I'd say to them is- you might feel very alone in your situation or like nobody else supports your take on the things going on on your forum but you might be VERY surprised to find out that there are many people who support you and your posts and they will sometimes inundate you with emails and PMs telling you how much they agree with what you said and even thanking you for posting it. I do wish that more people would have the courage to come out and support someone openly on the forum but sometimes they just don't feel comfortable doing it. But I do think that if more people would openly support a victim of bullying, the bully would see that they're not getting away with it and that more people than they thought have their "number" and don't find them particularly amusing. One last thing I'd like to say is that if someone thinks they're being seriously harassed on a forum and are threatened, go to your local police station and file a report, which is what I had to do because of an incident on obt. Show them the threatening PM or email- this at least lets the authorities know what's going on. I don't know what our laws are here in the US but it sounds like Canada has the right idea.

Generally though, they will escalate their behavior to the point on a message board the controller will have to intercede and take action getting the bully banned from the forum

Because this subject matter is one that I witnessed personally never lose sight of the fact that it not only is done by members but that ilt can be instituted by a moderator as well.

This was done on a site I used to frequent and the administor did nothing at all about it. He allowed it to contiue on even when notified of it. Better one volunteer then none I guess.

One person has been so effected by her treatment at the hands of this moderator that she is now in a protective living community from which she may never leave.

Another has been extremely effected by thils moderators actions that she just can't post here even.

This is a very serious and life altering event and if put upon those who are in a mentally unstable position it can wreck havoc.

Not to be taken lighly by either moderators, administrators or members.

When you see it say something, when you are ignored say somethilng, don't let it go unspoken.

Sorry to have to write this but I live with my concience I didn't become more proactive in my friends case.

Take care all Thelma

(((Thelma)))

So sorry that happened to your friends.
But at that time I'm sure you gave support as best you could.
We can all learn from our regrets and try to do better next time.
Jo

Sorry but no I didn't. I will should I ever encounter it again though. Me being not as aware or caring as I should have been is not seeking any excuse whatsoever.

The reality is being aware now.

Fast interaction
 

Kimmey Dawn, I perhaps should have made a disclaimer that I do not single this forum out, that is information from a generic presentation.

The Neuro talk forum and a few others I frequent are the fastest to respond to an incident of not only bullying, but additionally, questionable content, then any other forum.

To say that Forum administrators’ should react swiftly is because many of "us" Neuro talk members actually administer support or informational forums.

The one thing I give credit is that the forum does extend a generous hand to understand the entire situation. They do not respond quickly to perhaps not know the history and actually intercede against a victim.
Neuro talk moderators really try to resolve, know the personalities and get involve with threads that may have a potential for a problem.

Thelma, I had a similar experience on a prior forum. I had been banned by a moderator that the bully either was the moderator, close to the moderator, or the moderator had personality issues, because I simply asked, "what happened?" in a thread. No violations of TOS unless you, as it seemed they felt could not ask, "where a prior post of inflammatory comments was located."

That was during the period of time that I was doing empirical research on cyber bullies and went into it full hearted.
Feels a whole lot different when you lose your self confidence and you have to take a break from the drama for your own well being.

redjeep, the one thing I think of when we say we try to mediate or clear up a point, it works great in person when we can see each other and read reactions. We are people without faces.
I have met many from the forum; off forum they would be the super best friends, but because of misunderstandings, animosity happened and great friendships lost. If I make a joke and the topic offended you, you can't immediately respond.
Words can be exchanged and personalities clashed.....doesn't mean either person is a bad person, just had a really bad communication and not only can the words not be taken back, now they were memorialized.

One suggestion is; if you feel that there is a pattern of attacks, trolling of ones threads, you are being marginalized in an manner; keep a file on your computer, copy and keep a record of the occurrences. Also, if receiving emails, contact your ISP. I have had great support from them in controlling hateful emails.

LOL, Artist, I came in and took out the part of my post about my other passions...
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

When you posted your link I read that part and I didn't want anyone to think I had this personality attribute. I share my research and I have pride in my passions, but certainly do not desire to be recognized as superior...I just enjoy sharing knowledge and receiveing it back ten fold.

Dianne

thank you for all the info...it takes alot of different people to make this world go round... unfort. some have no self-respect to treat others as they would want to be treated... but we are still in the majority!!!! moonstar :grouphug:

I feel your pain, Thelma. I too was a victim of "bullying" on another forum and was witnessed by another and it was a Moderator who was guilty of a very frightening stunt!