[Idealist]

I have a "wonder" that might seem sensitive to some, but I certainly don't mean it to be.

I have noticed over the years that the more senior a member becomes, the less likely they are to seek support for themselves and their own problems. It's almost as if they feel they shouldn't ask, since they've been around for so long, and everybody knows them. Unless they have somehow been miraculously "cured" of their conditions, I know they must still have their complications, and yearn for a chance to vent once in a while if nothing else.

To be honest and upfront, I admit to being one of those people. As time has went by, I have felt an obligation to seek to help others, and a deep reluctance to admit my own problems in any open forum. Instead I send a PM or e-mail to someone, which not only limits my input, but also deprives other members of a chance to possibly learn from my experience.

Has anyone else ever done this, or am I just an isolated nut? I sometimes find myself wishing I could just start all over again, but I would hate to lose all the friends and acquaintances I've made. Anyway, this may seem like a unusual question, but I would really like to know if I'm alone in this, and would appreciate any honest and sincere replies.

Best Wishes To Everyone,
Idealist

[Jomar]

I think I know what you mean, that the long time members might feel like they need to have all the answers and no questions?

I think it in some ways is the expectations we put on ourself, or perhaps some are just geared towards care giving/nurturing rather than receiving.
I hope you can feel comfortable asking a question- or for support when ever you need to.

[Snoopy]

Idealist,

At this point in my life I have a need to help others which also helps me to take my mind off of whatever problems I might be having. I have had MS a long time and in most cases remain calm when having difficulties realizing that most likely it will improve.

It's not an issue of feeling like I should not ask for support - I have just come to terms with my MS and want to help others.

That was/is my main purpose for joining a message board.

I do feel if you need support or help then ask, no matter how long you have had whatever problems you may have. Being a senior to a problem does not make you immune to emotions or struggles.

If this disease ever decides to start kicking my butt beyond what I have experienced then I will be looking for support. And hopefully I will recieve the support when or if I need it.

[Julie]

I don't feel that way here, but at my own depression forum, I always feel I have to hold it together for my members.

[Abbie]

Idealist,
I haven't been around too awful long but I understand how you feel... I do the same thing...

maybe we just need to take off running...hold our breath and jump in the deep end.

from what i've seen by reading the many different forums... many people will jump in, pull us to surface if needed, and not let us drown.



abbie

[Alffe]

Great point Idealist...*whisper...caught you wondering away from home. *grin
I often "wonder" when regulars get quiet...and I feel nosy when I bug them to check in, tell me how they are..what's going on...yada yada..but I really do worry when they get "inactive".

I think some of us are reluctant to repeat our same old problems that never go away....like grief, unrelenting chronic pain....etc. I guess because we've said it all before, and people have responded with great support, advice..etc.

We all have coping mechanisms...some work better than others but nothing helps more than getting the feedback of support when we are hurting.

I kidd my husband a lot when he goes on and on about something. I say, "Spare me the labor...show me the baby!" But when we "share" our labor, it makes it easier to bare.

thank you for starting this thread and please....tell us what you need and when you need it. If you will, I will.

[KathyM]

"Spare me the labor" - LMAO Alffe!

Idealist

I've been a member of Braintalk since 1998. I spent two years prior to that frantically searching the world for treatment of my rare form of familial amyloidosis - nuttin.' By the time I found Braintalk, I was terrified and suicidal.

Like Snoopy, I've come to terms with my illness - and I've accepted my fate. I received the emotional support I needed in order to accomplish this task. All I needed was the fine people here because they showed true love and understanding. They allowed me to speak, they listened with their hearts, and threw in some good coping advice as well. It's pretty amazing what we can endure when we know we have people who care in our corner.

I still have my moments, but they're rarely about me anymore because I have accepted my fate. However, outside influences (war, racism, hypocrisy, lies) take a HUGE toll from me physically and emotionally. The stress causes my symptoms to flare, but I'm a little afraid to take it here because I don't want to upset anyone or start a political debate.

[Curious]

helping others can be healing itself.

but the support is here. whether it be pm or email. you have to be in your own comfort zone.

so buddy ole pal...you know to how to reach me. and i don't mean by dart gun!!!

[Idealist]

...for really thinking this out and not just feeding me a bunch of lines. I think I really got what I needed from this. If there's one thing I know, it's that I nearly always get smart answers from the people here. Even from Miss Curious, in her own peculiar way...

[Curious]

mwhahahahahaaaa

be careful...be afraid...there is a very peculiar monkey on the loose!!!