[kimmydawn]

I know I've been very distant, and I apologize for that. It's not by choice. There's just not enough of me right now, it seems, with no letup foreseen until at least a week after daughter's surgery. There's been too much going on in life to even list, and to be quite honest, I don't know if I even have the energy to type it all.

I wasn't planning to take time off for daughter's illness and surgery until the 3rd, lasting through the 11th. However, there's been so much these last two weeks that being so limited is not fair/beneficial. It's probably better for me to begin the time off now.

I apologize that I've been so incredibly distant with so much going on this last bit. It's not from choice by any means.

I do hope that everyone here is maintaining and y'all are in my thoughts and prayers for this next while.

Again, I apologize for not being available to any meaningful degree for far too long. I do see a light at the end of this tunnel, though, and that's when daughter's surgery is over and she's recovered. Until then, I have entirely too many pulls in real life to offer more than reading posts and praying and caring. I will certainly be doing that as I can!

I'll be taking these next few days to finish up some things at PC then breaking from there until the 11th as well. I will be checking into this thread for the next couple of days and should be able to read/respond to PMs and will update y'all as time permits.

Please have happy and safe New Years and please know that my care and concern extend way far beyond what I've been able to show.

Please keep my entire family, but mostly my daughter, in your thoughts and prayers.

Much love and respect,

KD

[Darlene]

Kim,

I feel you are going through a tuff times and have your hands full with your family matters. And I am sure everyone else feels the same.

You and your family are in my prayers at all times.

I will ask that you take care of yourself and not stretch out too far.

May God be with you.

Darlene

[mrsD]

and your daughter for this surgery.

You have an excellent crew here, and certainly you deserve a break, and time to get these personal issues settled down.

Those little infants will be on a schedule in no time, and that will be a some relief.

Personally I think you have terrific stamina...I certainly would have caved sooner than this

Time flies you know and we will see you in no time!

[kimmydawn]

Originally Posted by Darlene

Kim,

I feel you are going through a tuff times and have your hands full with your family matters. And I am sure everyone else feels the same.

You and your family are in my prayers at all times.

I will ask that you take care of yourself and not stretch out too far.

May God be with you.

Darlene

Thank you (((((((((((((((((((( darlene )))))))))))))))))))))

I appreciate so much your prayers and kind words.

I *have* stretched myself too far for a couple of reasons I think...to continue to be what I can for those that I care for, but also stubbornly not "giving in". I've never had a clear view in the differences in giving up and giving in for a bit. Ah, well, it's one thing that's helped me in this life too...hehe.

What I don't realize in the times that I stretch myself too far is that I might not in actuality be helping in the ways that I think I am, and that an absent me (for a while) might be better than a halfway me...the "do something right or don't do it at all" thing, "jack of all trades, master of none" comes to mind as well.

I'm going to take a few days to rest and try to refuel for this next hard time, then get through it. I may take a few days after to refuel as well. It's been a HARD past year! I never dreamed it would go on, and on, and on with the doctors not being able to control her grave's.

I thank you for your prayers and understanding and will see you in the New Year, hopefully both of us doing well and looking forward for a truly *New* Year.

Thank you.

KD

[kimmydawn]

Originally Posted by mrsd

and your daughter for this surgery.

You have an excellent crew here, and certainly you deserve a break, and time to get these personal issues settled down.

Those little infants will be on a schedule in no time, and that will be a some relief.

Personally I think you have terrific stamina...I certainly would have caved sooner than this

Time flies you know and we will see you in no time!

((((((((((((( mrsd ))))))))))))))

You're such a kind a giving person...you give of yourself so much, to so many and I'm just ONE of your admirers that respects you more and more. I appreciate you, truly.

Oh my gosh, yes. Cheri, curious and Jo are all amazingly giving and caring and the attention they give to *everything and every detail* is second to none. They would move Heaven and earth if they could to accommodate someone in need.

My little Johnathon (son of daughter having surgery) is so sweet right now! He's five months old on Weds. He's so funny, happy and just plain sweet. Oh my gosh, he's getting the cheeks that I'm having a hard time leaving alone now. He's giggling lots now and gets this really surprised looked when a belly laugh comes out of his little body...LOL.

My oldest daughter and her little Ethan are still working things out. Breastfeeding has not been easy for either of them, but she's worked out something where she can now have a bit more help, I think. She gone strictly to pumping and bottle feeding. He wants to nurse all the time (but she won't offer him a pacifier in between and I personally think he wants to suck). He wants to eat, then 15 mins later eat again and maybe again until he's fuller. Then he's ready again in another couple of hours to do the same hour-long thing. She was more than exhausted and we all were limited to help. Now she can feed him breast milk (btw, he never took to the breast itself and she always had to use the shield for him to even suckle), but we can help her with him too when she needs a nap or needs to do something. His daddy was so excited to have that experience.

Thank you for the kind words about my stamina. I needed to read that and didn't know how much. It helps me to say, "gotta slow down for a bit" while feeling good at the same time, ya know?

I'll be checking in in short spurts to check PM's and a few threads.

Thank you always for your support, help and kind words. I can't tell you the impact your knowledge, but most importantly you're desire to help and share, has had on me.

KD

[Doody]

(((Kimmy))) I think we all understand the need to break away. Sometimes we just can't participate. Prayers for your family.

[mrsD]

Well, I sure do appreciate your comments Kimmy.

I feel things very deeply,
but have huge problems expressing them in words. I see you understand that,
but many people do not. So I appreciate your "gift" to me this morning!

I agree with you about the pacifier. My son was a preemie and in the preemie nursery for
15 days. They had to feed him every 10 minutes because he vomited large quantities of food.
So as they lengthened his feeding times slowly to get him ready to come home, he
fussed alot. Hence the pacifier. They rolled a towel into a tube and taped the nipple to it.
And they didn't give it to me to take home. How was I to know (recovering from Csection)
that only one SHAPED nipple he would accept?

I sent my husband out to several stores and he bought one of every style until we found
the "correct" one. So I gave it to him now and then, like at the doctor's office etc.
It worked wonders. Then when he was about 3 mons old, he just spit it out...wouldn't accept it
anymore. And that was it. No clinging to it as a crutch or anything. It worked out really well.
He was so small, I figured....anything YOU want, baby, you get! We had gone thru almost dying
together, and I was not going to deny him anything. (or myself either for that matter). So share
this with your daughter.

Also the doctors told me that every infant has its own weakness. Some have immature nervous systems, and some
have problems with feeding. It varies and just is. My son never gobbled his formula (I couldn't breastfeed
because I was on 3 blood pressure drugs).. but he tended to spit up--reflux. So I just slowed him down
and made the feeding times longer slower.

P.S. I think babies gobble at the feeding if you wait til they are really hungry and screaming. If you watch the
preceeding behaviors, before the BIG demand, you catch the appetite, before they get tense and frantic,
and the gobbling and heavy sucking is less. It also has the payoff of him learning that Mom is there anyway
and you don't have to scream to get her attention. I always thought my son was a reasonable baby, but I
think I trained him to be that, now that I look back on it. Alot of intense baby behavior is fear/anxiety etc.
Teaching a baby to calm himself is a big task, and one we should pay attention to early. Then you can
have more enjoyment, and less reaction to screaming which is very tiring I think!

[kimmydawn]

Originally Posted by Doody

(((Kimmy))) I think we all understand the need to break away. Sometimes we just can't participate. Prayers for your family.

Sometimes we just can't participate.

How true that's shown for me lately, Doody. I appreciate so much your understanding, and your continual care and commitment to not only the members of NT, but to NT as a whole...straight from the get-go. You've been a consistent support and absolute pleasure.

Thank you so much for the prayers. I'm already getting upset because I know I'm going to be leaving daughter in the hospital to bring her baby boy home and care for him. Whew, makes me nervous! Hospital staff just can't give the care now that they used to, ya know?

I hope you have the MOST WONDERFUL of New Years.

KD

[kimmydawn]

Originally Posted by mrsd

Well, I sure do appreciate your comments Kimmy.

I feel things very deeply,
but have huge problems expressing them in words. I see you understand that,
but many people do not. So I appreciate your "gift" to me this morning!

I agree with you about the pacifier. My son was a preemie and in the preemie nursery for
15 days. They had to feed him every 10 minutes because he vomited large quantities of food.
So as they lengthened his feeding times slowly to get him ready to come home, he
fussed alot. Hence the pacifier. They rolled a towel into a tube and taped the nipple to it.
And they didn't give it to me to take home. How was I to know (recovering from Csection)
that only one SHAPED nipple he would accept?

I sent my husband out to several stores and he bought one of every style until we found
the "correct" one. So I gave it to him now and then, like at the doctor's office etc.
It worked wonders. Then when he was about 3 mons old, he just spit it out...wouldn't accept it
anymore. And that was it. No clinging to it as a crutch or anything. It worked out really well.
He was so small, I figured....anything YOU want, baby, you get! We had gone thru almost dying
together, and I was not going to deny him anything. (or myself either for that matter). So share
this with your daughter.

Also the doctors told me that every infant has its own weakness. Some have immature nervous systems, and some
have problems with feeding. It varies and just is. My son never gobbled his formula (I couldn't breastfeed
because I was on 3 blood pressure drugs).. but he tended to spit up--reflux. So I just slowed him down
and made the feeding times longer slower.

P.S. I think babies gobble at the feeding if you wait til they are really hungry and screaming. If you watch the
preceeding behaviors, before the BIG demand, you catch the appetite, before they get tense and frantic,
and the gobbling and heavy sucking is less. It also has the payoff of him learning that Mom is there anyway
and you don't have to scream to get her attention. I always thought my son was a reasonable baby, but I
think I trained him to be that, now that I look back on it. Alot of intense baby behavior is fear/anxiety etc.
Teaching a baby to calm himself is a big task, and one we should pay attention to early. Then you can
have more enjoyment, and less reaction to screaming which is very tiring I think!

Thank you so much for sharing that! The situations sound very similar. He's spitting too, etc.

My oldest? She's an AMAZING young woman. A young woman that sees a goal, maps it out and sticks to her route. That's gotten her far in her life, with little to no "road blocks" (drugs, behavior problems, etc.). Her husband is the same. The thing with that, though, is that with a baby, especially then maybe, we can't control or predict another's needs well. It usually DOESN'T go according to plan. She will still do anything and almost everything to stick to her route.

She refuses to offer a pacifier. It was a HUGE leap to make the decision to pump and bottle-feed, so I consider that massive progress. Even my aunt who nursed six babies exclusively and taught breast-feeding classes at our local, very large hospital, couldn't sway her on a couple of issues.

In all this, she's done so wonderfully. She's realized that he needs a bit more right now and is giving him that in that he needs to be held close alot of the time, etc. She's truly a wonderful mother.

I will share with her what you've said.

Thank you for acknowledging my "gift". It makes me feel good because you give so many gifts.

Here's another one for you...

I remember when I first came here, you were one of the first (if not the first) to extend your hand to me. I've carried that with me a long time, as well as your words. You reached out to me to welcome me, but also to offer aid in any form that you could.

Being new and having no history, I couldn't see the massive gift in what you offered to me then that I see today...and continue to see on and off. Even then you were kind to me, offering assistance and you didn't even know me! That rings out loud and clear, and you've consistently maintained that position. Some people give and take (which is wonderful and appropriate). You give to give and your take seems to be the comfort that you've given. Truly a continual act straight from the heart and soul.

I think you are an amazing person and am glad to have you touch my life.

KD

[mrsD]

Can't hit the Thanks button for that post Kimmy!

You are also very generous. I hope you will be back soon!