[ConsiderThis]

Here's what I noticed today:

I forget when.

But I noticed that the 5 stars that had been by the How can we get new members thread that I started, had changed to 3. I was sad, of course. I had been surprised to find the 5 stars, and they'd made me happy. So I went around and put 5 stars on a lot of other people's threads, so they'd feel happy to. I was going to put them on all the threads... but then I got confused about whether that would be good or bad.

I also went back to my thread and thought I'd up it to 4 stars by voting myself, for 4 stars. I thought that would tip it back. But it didn't, so then I knew that quite a few people had voted to lower the rating.

Who would want to lower the rating... people in favor of BT2? It didn't seem very likely. People who were mad about the existence of BT2 and how much I said about my experience there. That seemed more likely.

So, when the Attention Whore post came up... well, I chose to laugh about it and I tried to engage people I trusted in laughing about it with me.

I don't know how many people are aware that "Attention Whore" is used on at least one forum the way that the word "member" is used here:
http://community.realitytvworld.com/...ForumID6&omm=0

When I first went there I found it very confusing. I didn't realize it was a part of the forum.

So from that point of view the post didn't bother me. I didn't' mind the young woman in it. She looked happy. She looked healthy.

I think if I could have posted something more like this when I found it, that it would have been better than what I did. Because I could hear in the responses I got that people were more shocked by the words than I was.

What shocked me, was that the number of stars had been changed on the thread about how to get more people here.

But of course that's harder to talk about because it's like me saying, Hey, I really liked the praise and darn it, I want it back!

Now, there are mods.

I don't feel comfortable with mods because of what happened at Brain Talk 1, and because of what happened when I belonged to that Reality forum... and others.

The best way to describe how I feel, is to liken this to the War on Terror. The reduction in my personal liberties does not make me feel safer. Bombing a lot of innocent Iraqis doesn't make me feel safer. In fact, it reminds me of when I used to kill earwigs because they scared me... the way they look. And when I sat outside in the evening, earwigs were always crawling up on my feet and biting my ankles.

Then, a snake, a small grass snake, moved into my yard, or else it had been there and it suddenly let me see it... and I decided I shouldn't kill things that it might want to eat. I've never killed an earwig since, nor have I been bitten by one since.

Okay. So I feel threatened by the mods. I feel that if one wants to ban me, that one will convince the others in the mod group.

Not just me, but anyone whom one of them decided to single out, or feels has singled themselves out in an objectionable manner.

I liked this board. I tried to help get it going. I tried to be supportive. I really appreciated all the support I experienced. I won't hug you all here, but I want you to know that if I did I would increase the length of this post by a lot.

I feel that without mods I am much safer because ordinary people like me tend to like me. I like people.

When a lot of people are all involved then I feel safer than when the power of all the people is delegated to a few.

I remember on BT1 getting these lovely emails from people. But then when I was banned and someone gave me the way to get back on to watch, some code thing, I forget, I saw those people who had seemed to like me, who had written me things that made it clear they respected me, kowtowing to the people who had banned me.

I could see why they did it, they wanted and needed the community and they had to protect themselves by making-nice/ingratiating themselves to the strong arms. It made me sad, not just because they appeared to jettison me, but because they demeaned themselves. It's hard to explain. I can explain, but it would take time and be revealing.

So, all in all, I think I'm better off going back to what I was doing before I found this forum and began to like it. I don't want get involved and then be ostracized. It's not fun.

I'm pretty into fun.

To me, the person who posted the Attention Whore things, was trying to get mods. If they were familiar with forums, they would know that would be a good trigger.

Love you guys.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((( ct )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry for what has happened in the past. Give it a chance? Sometimes things really do change and work for good.

You said: "I feel that without mods I am much safer because ordinary people like me tend to like me. I like people."

The mods ARE ordinary people just like you. They're/we're members.

KD

[ConsiderThis]

Originally Posted by kimmydawn

((((((((((((((((((((((( ct )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry for what has happened in the past. Give it a chance? Sometimes things really do change and work for good.

You said: "I feel that without mods I am much safer because ordinary people like me tend to like me. I like people."

The mods ARE ordinary people just like you. They're/we're members.

KD

No, not any more than the army in Iraq is just like the Iraqis because everyone wants freedom.

[DocJohn]

Comparing people who volunteer to help out keeping the community a safe place to the "war on terror" is a stretch and really undermines keeping an open mind about these things, don't ya think?

If you have your mind set, then nothing anyone can say is going to convince you, so I wish you well in your online journeys if indeed you choose not to stay.

John

[ConsiderThis]

Originally Posted by DocJohn

Comparing people who volunteer to help out keeping the community a safe place to the "war on terror" is a stretch and really undermines keeping an open mind about these things, don't ya think?

If you have your mind set, then nothing anyone can say is going to convince you, so I wish you well in your online journeys if indeed you choose not to stay.

John

I didn't compare people who volunteer to help out keeping the community safe to the war on terror, I said, "the army in Iraq is [not] just like the Iraqis" and by that I mean that in my experience the moderators had agendas that were in some cases antithetical to the members of the forums at BT1; additionally, I mean that people tend, in my overall experience, to want The Good, and do The Good, so moderators are like saying that people aren't good and don't want to do good. To me, armies should only be used against real enemies, not against kids, mums, grandparents who are doing nothing other than living... maybe not living with the same kind of carpet we prefer, but living in terms of breathing, eating, caring, just exactly like us.

To me, the forum was working really well without moderators.

But... I've also thought a lot about other forums I go to, and I realized that all of them have moderators. So it's only the moderators here that scare me, presumably because of BT1.

[ConsiderThis]

I haven't read any of my PMs here, yet. But some people wrote to me using my email address, to them (and everyone):

You know, it wasn't the mean post that made me leave as much as it was the idea of moderators ... the way they were at Brain Talk 1... I just began thinking that the mean post was done with the intention of having moderators installed, with that in turn leading to me being targeted in a much more destructive, but apparently acceptable, way.

See, I can understand an individual being mean spirited... bad day, more pain, outlet.

But the moderator thing at BrainTalk1 was so... hurtful, to say the least. Because, I think, it "seemed" to represent a consensus.

On the other hand, I've been thinking about how there are moderators on pbs, and while they delete posts periodically, and there are several people who have new names, presumably because the old name has been banned, overall I don't feel threatened by the mods there.

But then, pbs isn't a forum where you actually get particularly close to people. I mean, someone posted a quite nice poem for me the other day, and someone may be bringing me some worms for my garden, but overall it's an argumentative place where people often choose to be one-dimensional.

Going on from yesterday:
I got sick when I left; the stress, I think, caused it. I really liked so many people on BT2. So if I got as sick as I did after only a few days of bonding... what would it be like if I were there a long time and then the people were organized and were trying to get me out... that would be worse.

I mean, how do we know that the moderators from BT1 are not among the moderators on BT2? They were secret, as it were, on BT1.. so how do we know?

Do you know?

[ConsiderThis]

I wrote a second email response, too:

Thank you again for writing to me.

It's peculiar how "scared" - maybe apprehensive is a better word - I feel about coming back. I don't feel this apprehensive about spiders, even the black widows that appear to live at the front of my house.

I think, now that I've introduced the idea of the spiders, that I feel pretty confident that the black widows are living their lives with no malicious thoughts directed at me. I'm pretty sure they aren't planning to stalk me or anything... so I don't feel threatened by them.

I had a tiny black widow living below the window above my kitchen sink at my condo. It was tiny, so it wasn't scary, and I was impressed with the number of ants it got. I didn't "have" ants, so I wondered if the reason was the black widow.

It would always run and hide when I turned on the water.

But then it was getting quite a lot bigger, so I was thinking I didn't want to accidentally bash its web and get bitten, so I wiped the web away, thinking the little spider would move outside.

It moved to my stove top. I didn't cook very many things at once, so I almost never turned on the burner where it had decided to build its new web.

But, still...

So, I decided I'd better take it outside. I thought about that for awhile, sort of picturing it in my mind... I sometimes think that very clear mental images have a way of being "seen" by others who are receptive, even insects.

When I went to the stove to take it outside, the spider went behind the control knob, which I knew came off. I hoped it would stay behind the knob, on the knob, and that I could take it outside to the back by the fence way at the back. Sure enough... it stayed right on the knob, and I kept talking to it.

I remember that I passed the condo director who was so instrumental in me losing my condo because the association refused to pay their share of the privy pit remediation, and I hoped he wouldn't kill the spider, so I stopped talking to the spider, so as not to alert him.

The condo association director was certainly much MUCH more dangerous than the black widow.

Though until this moment, I had never really thought about it like this, in terms of an actual comparison.

Thank you again for writing. I think I may post this story ... to start.

(I posted this first, but then I edited so that the two emails would be in chronological order.)

considerthis - you cracked me up with the star thingie!! What I like best about you is you are so down to earth and geniune. You're not afraid to say you are human and don't hide behind a screen name. What you see is what you get. I like that...I REALLY do.

The subject of mods was brought up before by DJ (I think) so I don't think it was that rude guy sitsonchairs or whatever his name was. You handled that the way it should have been handled - with humor, concern, etc, but not outrage. You know how to handle yourself on a forum, and by doing so you encourage others to do the same by your example.

Some, no matter how much good influence they get from ppl like you, will never know how to handle themselves. For those ppl, mods are helpful. I think mods also do the mundane tasks like move stuff where it belongs, etc. There is no way DJ can do all that by himself. He'd burn out and we'd be stuck back with nowhere to chat with fellow BTr's.

So I HOPE you don't split. PLEASE don't go. You add so much to the flavor here and you have such a great memory for the good posts that were lost on BT. Don't be afraid of mods.

I know what you were saying about 2 faced ppl. Mods or not, by human nature ppl tend to go with the flow. I didn't care for the heavy handedness on BT1 myself, and I wouldn't be here, if I didn't think it was going to be different. DJ is very different from what I've seen. I've actually opened up MORE on this forum than I ever did on BT1, so I know things are different here.

so.....don't go!

TC44 you aint rite Thanks for the chuckles and keepem coming.

[Looking4hope]

Oh goodie! Lookie what I found while searching Google yesterday! Braintalk isn't dead, after all! Nice to see y'all.

Everyone here has a great sense of humour and are very active participants, I didn't realize how much I missed it.

ZS has my vote, if he is running, that is.

[kimmydawn]

Hi looking4hope, and welcome

KD