Hi Linn, I appreciate your sharing. I am happy for you that FB has provided an equalizing meritocracy for your interpersonal relationships. I had not really thought of how obviously it could work in ones favor to equalize the interactions, especially if one had a mechanical device which in everyday situations would be obvious, yet free from this limitation when on FB. I have not gotten into it much in my area so far. It feels pretty la-la out here in, "Santa Cruz-Keep it Weird"!

I myself have rather severe, ongoing progressive health problems, which ironically do not show. I have the opposite issue, nothing to show for all my health problems. My friend with Parkinson's tells me, half jokingly, that I should wear a sign around my neck saying "Not as good as I look"! It is very difficult at times to try to avoid explaining, or defending my reality to strangers or teachers etc... I haven't worked since '97 and live on a shoestring. This is also very limiting for what most take for granted to make choices, I cannot take for granted. I look fine, present as well and positive, act like I feel fine, unless one looks closely, and no one knows anything unless it comes up or I trust them enough to share. I have tried it all different combinations, as I am sure you must have as well. It is not easy to hit the right tone. Sometimes because I look well. I have to pretend that since the time when I could barely walk, I am truly now all better. Like it was the flu or something. The expectation is always that I could fix myself if I really wanted to. Yeah and health is for the rich if you can pay the alternative healers the exorbitant fees for chakra healing with space beings etc.... It is true i feel bitter at times.

often once I share even a little bit of my life reality, their eyes glaze over because my over-all presentation is not as expected and they get a bit freaked. Fear is more like it. If it can happen to me it could happen to them at 48!!

I agree that the lessons I have learned from the entire fifteen years plus, most likely could not have been learned any other way. I often feel saddened that the lessons will be wasted on those who need to hear them, due to the resistance to accept that life is not under our control despite the healthy focus in general. This financial downturn and the loss of home and all reasonable resources for thousands is akin to the sudden loss of physical health. The denial is similar as well. Loss is loss and does not need comparison. However we do not as a culture enfold and encourage those who fall between the cracks of the standards we hold dear as identifiers.

What wake up call for all of us that materialism is being broken down, finally shown to be as shallow and devoid of true meaning as it is. The great equalizer is Katrina type catastrophes and serious illness. At the same time we all have more than enough to share if we took the need seriously enough to step up and offer to each other according to each ones resources. Perhaps we have more resources than the average person whose life goes on as usual. Perhaps we have more muscle built up for facing adversity and keeping our head on straight and our hearts open.

I live in Santa Cruz CA with a health obsessive culture everywhere you go.
At no time in my earlier life did I know how to deal with handicapped persons, and had no exposure to stroke survivors until I became one at 48. Then I had to be thrown in with very elderly folks who naturally suspected I must be faking somehow. It is hard to be in the position to not fit, and feel unaccepted, even when I shared the same reality of struggle to accept the handicap, grow beyond the symptoms, overcome negative labels and re-gain my self concept, same as anyone with an obvious walker or wheelchair. The cultural indoctrination is a trip.Expectations all over the place. I ended up going to places my own parents were unable to cope with because they hadn't gone through them yet themselves. That was trippy.

The acculturated health bigotry is societal and encouraged by the grandiosity of our narcissistic modern beliefs. The belief that everything is possible if one only claims it true, with enough ju-ju it will surely manifest as we believe we deserve. Books like the Secret, authors like Louise Hay, and endless new age teachings are typocally one sided.. Basically splitting life into the shadow, into good or bad. Eventually those who expect only good experience the failure of their body. When this happens, the confusion that all life is a mixture of every good and often many, very bad things, becomes the inner teacher. Limitation and suffering seems to be how the human race evolves to become more compassionate and understanding, we are not actually separate beings. We don't need to define ourselves by our negative experiences. Yet at the same time I refuse to claim or label my process as "bad".

How do I know in the big picture if there is not some serious soul making gifts to be had in this process? How can I ever know if by being congruent in this present reality, someone else will be able to awaken their own heart to tolerate less than ideal life events in their future?

Sometimes I think that those who hold a part of the suffering, physical aspect of this planet are like the proverbial "canary in a coal mine". Indicators of the planetary soul -making process. No one escapes the loss of body identity in the end, some just get to practice it earlier and longer than others. We are the teachers, whether others yet value or recognize this. The humbled ones who are waiting to be heard, as we know our experiences are the often a valuable message of the way to the heart. We are the "gold made out of lead" if you will. What could be more worthwhile than this??!! Best Wishes TT