I am in newly involved with a man that lost his mother in July. They were very close. He has pretty much avoided feeling any grief until recently. I want to help but really I don't know how.

I could use some sound advice. I can't imagine what he is going through. First because I have never had that sort of closeness with anyone and second I just can't imagine.

I would like to be able to kiss his wound and make it better, that is the mom in me, but I know I can't. So what can I do?

I guess first of all, I would just listen, and be there for him. Even if you don't understand all that he's going through, you can listen and offer an ear or a shoulder if he needs it.

He's lucky to have you to be there for him.

Hi K, there might be a support group in your area affiliated with Hospice on grief and loss. Reading Stephen Levin-"Who Dies" is supportive, or Rachel Naomi Remen's-" My Grandfather's Blessing" I found these particularly heart-filled and supportive of the process of loss, in ones own life and for the friend involved. Many other books availbe in the library are informative and able to bring more depth of understanding with great examples of compassion and acceptance of the cycles of life and loss with what grief might look like..

We barely know how to tolerate loss in this culture or grieve openly. Bless your own heart for wishing to support your friend. We all need someone to witness our process with compassion, even if there is not complete understanding, it is the acceptance of the process which counts.

Blessings to both of you, TT

Hi i lost my dad to cancer 5 years ago. When i look back i just wish that my partner at the time was understanding. He never understood what i was going through all i wanted was somebody to talk to cry with.my advise would be to listern and encourage him to be open about his feelings. If he dosent want to go for councelling or a support group then try the internet. He is very lucky to have your support.

Hi Kathy,

We all grieve in different ways. I am older than you and have lost both my parents and my husband. I took each death in a different way. I missed my Mother so much as she was in a Nursing Home and I tried to visit her often. When my Dad died, I had a small child and had to pick up my life again soon for my family. My husband died 3 yrs ago. At first, I had so many supporting me and so much to do, that I put off grieving. Six months later, my world came crushing down on me. I had moved by then, where I didn't know folks very well but I did have a church family that helped me. Then my pastor moved to another church, and my world changed so much.

Picking up the pieces of my live was hard. I got a job working for Hospice helping those in their last 6 months of life. This helped me a lot as I had to deal with death and famlies going threw what I had just experienced. I was taught on the job to be a good listener and just be their for them. Give your support by just listening even if you don't understand.Trust yourself to do the right thing. If you have a pastor or your guy friend does, by all means talk to him or her. Offer to go along if he needs your support. Just be there, that is the most important thing and be yourself. I hope this helps! God Bless You Both.
Fancylady

To have someone to listen to is a big help. After my first son's death, everyone around me didn't like for me to talk about him. But I had a friend at work who would listen to me all the time talk about my Darrel. She will never know how much she helped me, even tho I have tried to tell her. So I think listening is a big step.