One year ago this week my husband had Brain Surgery. I went to put flowers on his grave tonight and I have a big o'le lump in my throat, that I can't hardly stand it. It is very unusal for me to get down and I don't know what to do about it. I am so tempted to call someone and just talk. I don't have much family and my husbands family pays no attention to me, and ever did. This feeling of being alone is hittting me hard tonight. I can usually keep busy, but I am to tired for that. Doing everything myself, has it's toll especially on Sunday. There is no TV that I would give 2 cents to watch and I sure don't want to read.

What does a person do to fill the time? I want to go somewhere and have someone to talk to. I am not interested in any man friend, not sure I ever will be. I had a good husband and it would be hard to fill his shoes. He's been dead 8 months this past Thursday and it seems like today. This kind of emptyness can't be filled with anything. I looked at my calendar and thats how I knew all these dates. Like the day he started Radiation & Chemo and the hopes we had. We were planning a vacation and the Doctors encouraged it. They even said he would live longer that he did. Like 8 months to 2 years. He lived almost 3 months. Will I be better tomorrow? Have you ever lost your husband?
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Billie

Billie

Dear Billie,
My heartfelt wishes go out to you during this difficult time. The intense emptiness that you feel is something that only time can heal. Instinctively, you feel the need to socialize because you need to feel connected to someone in some way. I think people that have experienced this type of loss are more compassionate to how you are feeling, but those who haven't experienced it don't realy understand and your sorrow just brings them down. Either way, it can leave you feeling very lonely as you are uncertain about who you could call to just talk to.

However, socializing can be of great comfort to you and there are ways to do that without involving family or friends. There are support groups for people like yourself where you could just vent your feelings and frustrations without any concern for anyone else. It could be a wonderful release for you and you never know who you may become friendly with. Another way to socialize is to do some volunteering. All hospitals, nursing homes, and so forth are always looking for volunteers.

I have found that the best way for me to pick myself up is through volunteering. It's amazing how quickly I get involved in helping others and then my own problems seem so slight compared to theirs. It is also rewarding to help others and this is a great lift for our spirits!

I wish you well and please know that you are never, ever alone.

Bryanna

Billie,

I have not been feeling well of late but wanted to send you I cannot begin to know the pain you are feeling but based on your posts that I often read you just have such a wonderful heart and soul.

Try to break each day into pieces so they are not so overwhelming. And take a moment each day to find some beauty in the world and let it fill your soul. I just know that jouful and peaceful moment will be sent from your loving husband from heaven.

It sounds like you had a magical marriage. If it's not too painful I would totally enjoy to hear about some of your stories of your life together.

You are not alone, we all adore you here. I cannot wait for Gaye to visit you so we can hear all about your escapades. I am soo jealous that you guys will get to go to some art fairs and just laugh and have fun.

All my love
Shelley

P.S. I saw on your user list that you crochet. My granmother taught me and I would love to take it up again. Do you still crochet? Maybe you could help me get back to it.

Thanks for all the nice things you said. Most of the time I am upbeat and I don't know what started it except for the date. Gaye called this evening. She is ok. She has a daughter that had foot surgery and isn't doing to good, so she is helping with the cooking, for they have a family. Yes, Gaye, who now wants to be called Anne & I are real excited about June. It will be here before you know it. Have you ever met anyone on the internet? I haven't, but we have been writting for 2 or 3 years now. Then we started talking on the phone and now we both have the same cell carrier so no extra charge for that. How wonderful. I plan to go there too sometime maybe before Fall. I plan to drive with a friend that has a son in the same state.

I am going on a small trip in May with my Indiana friends to Ohio. It is one of those Bank bus trips. I have to leave my dog Bear with my sister-in-law. I'll see how that goes. I have never left him with anyone but my husband before. I'll just get back home in time to clean my house before Gaye comes. So I do have something to look forward to.

Yes, I do crochet, but as it warms up, I loose interest. I am crocheting a dress for a doll right now. I done 2 for Gaye & sent them to her. I will be glad to help you if I can. I have made just about everything threw the years.

I'll try to think of something Bob & I did together that would be interesting to write about. We were married almost 47 yrs when he passed away. (like 2 mos.)

I miss seeing you on weight support. Why don't you come back over? We need faithful ones to come in & post. I don't loose much, but know most that post there. I hope you get to feeling better. It is sure nice of you to post! I miss you.
Hugs,
Billie

Billie,

Would you tell us the story of how you and hubby met and fell in love?

Hi Sis, please tell your story, it would be so nice and uplifting for others too.
You know I fell-in-love with Bob over the phone. He really sounded so nice. I wanted so badly to be there with you, and meet him before he left for Heaven. He was a sweety and a good husband. You need to write a little story of all the great things he could make and do. I have never heard of anyone like him that was so talented and then he married you an Billie you have talent and gifts too!
I want my Mama a little bit right now. I need her to hug me. Want to see the way she sometimes looked like a little mouse to me. Just a cute look on her face, that was special for me, and I think I was THE only one that could see it. Gee, maybe I need to collect mice. Matter of fact I used to do that and after she died I didn't want to do it anymore. OK...little cute faced mice here I come. Used to have a tiny mouse at the bottom of the 20 stairs in the 110 year old house. The little mouse always had a tiny decorated Christmas tree with tiny wrapped pressents under it. Hadn't thought of that in a long time.
Maybe we need to find whatever reminds you the most of Bob and something special he liked...then you can collect that too. Every time I find a mouse that reminds me of mom I will get tickled and laugh at her funny cute face and you can find yours for Bob. Either feel hugged by him or laugh over a moment you shared etc, with your collection. Hope this makes sence to you.
I love you my Sister, Anne
PS I think it must be so nice to have a twin like Bizi has...maybe we are and just don't know it. LOL

First, I'd like to say I did answer this to Shelley with a PM. I met Bob at a sKating rink, and he ask me out on a date. I probably wouldn't of went, but I figured I could skate more, cause I used all my money skating. We started going other places and I just quit skating altogether till we got our adopted son. Then we trained him, and since he was very active he became an expert at it. I could skate backward, but he could do anything. It was just natural for him.

Anyway, back to Bob. I met him when I was 15 & he was 18. I hadn't dated many guys at that time and after I turned 16 that summer, we started going steady. I had his ring & he had mine. Somewhere during that time we fell in love before I graduated. We got married in September. I don't remember him having hobbies then, but he did draw & I did too. In a couple yrs. we went in the service and I went with him to El Paso, TX. He had more spare time there and took up many hoppies. For one thing he liked to make ships with thread. He also made a ship and a deer out of copper wire. At the end of this I'll post a the Deer he made & I gave it away to a nephew because he wanted something that Uncle Bob had made. After he died, many people wanted things he made. We had a auction sale and there was 1000 people there to buy his things. I just couldn't believe he was so popular at this time.I took so much for granted. He turned out to be a machanic & he could build anything. He even built a Farris Wheel. I have picture of it too. He built rocking chairs for dolls out of horse shoes. He even built a large grass hopper lawnmower that everyone wanted when he died. Anything he ever owned went for a high price.

Shelley, I am sorry I didn't get around to telling you all this either. Anne, awoke something in me that has come to the surface. I introduced her to him before he died on the telephone, before he was real sick. Anyway, he was my only ture love and I miss him so much. More than I can say in words. Don't take your husbands for granted, be the best wife you can be to them. Bob was kind and soft spoken and if someone couldn't pay him, he would work for free.
_____
Billie

This is one of the pic's Bob made.

Ask me if I woud post more pictures of what Bob had made. Here is a Farris Wheel for small children. Its kinda hard to see but they are different colors. One is Red, another is White, & the last is White. It was strong enough to hold me up, so it can stand the weight, LOL
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Billie