One year ago this week my husband had Brain Surgery. I went to put flowers on his grave tonight and I have a big o'le lump in my throat, that I can't hardly stand it. It is very unusal for me to get down and I don't know what to do about it. I am so tempted to call someone and just talk. I don't have much family and my husbands family pays no attention to me, and ever did. This feeling of being alone is hittting me hard tonight. I can usually keep busy, but I am to tired for that. Doing everything myself, has it's toll especially on Sunday. There is no TV that I would give 2 cents to watch and I sure don't want to read.

What does a person do to fill the time? I want to go somewhere and have someone to talk to. I am not interested in any man friend, not sure I ever will be. I had a good husband and it would be hard to fill his shoes. He's been dead 8 months this past Thursday and it seems like today. This kind of emptyness can't be filled with anything. I looked at my calendar and thats how I knew all these dates. Like the day he started Radiation & Chemo and the hopes we had. We were planning a vacation and the Doctors encouraged it. They even said he would live longer that he did. Like 8 months to 2 years. He lived almost 3 months. Will I be better tomorrow? Have you ever lost your husband?
____
Billie

Billie

Dear Billie,
My heartfelt wishes go out to you during this difficult time. The intense emptiness that you feel is something that only time can heal. Instinctively, you feel the need to socialize because you need to feel connected to someone in some way. I think people that have experienced this type of loss are more compassionate to how you are feeling, but those who haven't experienced it don't realy understand and your sorrow just brings them down. Either way, it can leave you feeling very lonely as you are uncertain about who you could call to just talk to.

However, socializing can be of great comfort to you and there are ways to do that without involving family or friends. There are support groups for people like yourself where you could just vent your feelings and frustrations without any concern for anyone else. It could be a wonderful release for you and you never know who you may become friendly with. Another way to socialize is to do some volunteering. All hospitals, nursing homes, and so forth are always looking for volunteers.

I have found that the best way for me to pick myself up is through volunteering. It's amazing how quickly I get involved in helping others and then my own problems seem so slight compared to theirs. It is also rewarding to help others and this is a great lift for our spirits!

I wish you well and please know that you are never, ever alone.

Bryanna

Billie,

I have not been feeling well of late but wanted to send you I cannot begin to know the pain you are feeling but based on your posts that I often read you just have such a wonderful heart and soul.

Try to break each day into pieces so they are not so overwhelming. And take a moment each day to find some beauty in the world and let it fill your soul. I just know that jouful and peaceful moment will be sent from your loving husband from heaven.

It sounds like you had a magical marriage. If it's not too painful I would totally enjoy to hear about some of your stories of your life together.

You are not alone, we all adore you here. I cannot wait for Gaye to visit you so we can hear all about your escapades. I am soo jealous that you guys will get to go to some art fairs and just laugh and have fun.

All my love
Shelley

P.S. I saw on your user list that you crochet. My granmother taught me and I would love to take it up again. Do you still crochet? Maybe you could help me get back to it.

Thanks for all the nice things you said. Most of the time I am upbeat and I don't know what started it except for the date. Gaye called this evening. She is ok. She has a daughter that had foot surgery and isn't doing to good, so she is helping with the cooking, for they have a family. Yes, Gaye, who now wants to be called Anne & I are real excited about June. It will be here before you know it. Have you ever met anyone on the internet? I haven't, but we have been writting for 2 or 3 years now. Then we started talking on the phone and now we both have the same cell carrier so no extra charge for that. How wonderful. I plan to go there too sometime maybe before Fall. I plan to drive with a friend that has a son in the same state.

I am going on a small trip in May with my Indiana friends to Ohio. It is one of those Bank bus trips. I have to leave my dog Bear with my sister-in-law. I'll see how that goes. I have never left him with anyone but my husband before. I'll just get back home in time to clean my house before Gaye comes. So I do have something to look forward to.

Yes, I do crochet, but as it warms up, I loose interest. I am crocheting a dress for a doll right now. I done 2 for Gaye & sent them to her. I will be glad to help you if I can. I have made just about everything threw the years.

I'll try to think of something Bob & I did together that would be interesting to write about. We were married almost 47 yrs when he passed away. (like 2 mos.)

I miss seeing you on weight support. Why don't you come back over? We need faithful ones to come in & post. I don't loose much, but know most that post there. I hope you get to feeling better. It is sure nice of you to post! I miss you.
Hugs,
Billie

Billie,

Would you tell us the story of how you and hubby met and fell in love?

Hi Sis, please tell your story, it would be so nice and uplifting for others too.
You know I fell-in-love with Bob over the phone. He really sounded so nice. I wanted so badly to be there with you, and meet him before he left for Heaven. He was a sweety and a good husband. You need to write a little story of all the great things he could make and do. I have never heard of anyone like him that was so talented and then he married you an Billie you have talent and gifts too!
I want my Mama a little bit right now. I need her to hug me. Want to see the way she sometimes looked like a little mouse to me. Just a cute look on her face, that was special for me, and I think I was THE only one that could see it. Gee, maybe I need to collect mice. Matter of fact I used to do that and after she died I didn't want to do it anymore. OK...little cute faced mice here I come. Used to have a tiny mouse at the bottom of the 20 stairs in the 110 year old house. The little mouse always had a tiny decorated Christmas tree with tiny wrapped pressents under it. Hadn't thought of that in a long time.
Maybe we need to find whatever reminds you the most of Bob and something special he liked...then you can collect that too. Every time I find a mouse that reminds me of mom I will get tickled and laugh at her funny cute face and you can find yours for Bob. Either feel hugged by him or laugh over a moment you shared etc, with your collection. Hope this makes sence to you.
I love you my Sister, Anne
PS I think it must be so nice to have a twin like Bizi has...maybe we are and just don't know it. LOL