I call these episodes "grief bursts". They come out of nowhere and have no rhyme or reason. When my husband passed away nearly 11 years ago I would be somewhere.....like the post office......and something would trigger one of these. It was disturbing because I could be fine one minute and the next I was dissolving in tears. As time went on they became less frequent. It's just part of the healing process.

Some times our pets are more like family than people so it is normal to grieve that loss. It is just as real as any other loss. For anyone to think other wise is cruel. I am so sorry for your loss I will pray for you during this time of grief that you remember the wonder memories you have and are able to find peace and comfort.
Brenda

Thanks Brenda, I am better now, although I am yet to have a day without crying. Going to sleep and waking up are the worst times.
This morning I woke up without crying and had to leave the house early as I had a trip to do (I am also a tourist guide in my area Cape Town South Africa). As I left my house, still dark, I noticed some mail in my mailbox. I took the mail and put it in my bag to have a look at it later.
So later as I sat down to have breakfast at this one hotel while waiting to meet with my group, I took the first letter and opened it. It was a card from the veterinary hospital where I took her so often and who put her to sleep in the end, expressing their sympathy with my loss of Minki.
Needless to say it immediately triggered the tears to flow, but eventually I know the day will come without crying. She was such a special cat.

We are very attached to our cats. We've had several very special ones over the past 40 yrs.

The only thing I have found to help with this intense grief is a new kitten. Choose carefully... but it can be great therapy.

I understand your feelings very well... just let the tears come...as they are therapeutic in their own way.

So many people tell me that (getting a new kitten) and thanks for saying it too. Everyone means well but the way I feel now is to never ever get another cat as I simply do not want to experience what I am going through right now ever again. Maybe in a month from now I might feel different about it, but as I say for now not. I knew the day my friends brought Minki to me that I would get too attached to her. Anyway everyone just try to help and encourage me so I appreciate all the comments. This is a good website and I feel supported in my time of grieving. Thanks.

There is a saying... I'll paraphrase it here:

The more you LOVE, the more you GRIEVE. People with little or no capacity for love, do not feel loss and grief the same way as others.

In other words, your grief is comparable to your capacity to LOVE.

There are so many kittens lost with no homes. Destroyed or suffering abandonment because no one will LOVE them. I think with some time you will understand this and give one lost little kitty a loving home. Minki taught you this. That is her legacy for you.

Time will point the way for you in this. All living things end. We cannot control this, but to turn away, because of it, does not help any other poor pet languishing for a home.

Don't rush yourself, and choose carefully if you decide to let another pet into your life.

Hi mrsD, I have thought about this and I think what could be a possibility is to maybe look for someone who is going on vacation or away on business and needs someone to look after their cat while away. In this way I can give love again and the cat will not be with me too long, so I will feel safe from getting hurt again. I think I would enjoy doing this. Still only thinking about it for now.

I am new to this website and am still learning where to do things and how. I have created an album and am not sure how to let people know where to look if they are interested. Maybe you can see it without me telling you, but I put photos of Minki up for everyone to see. She was a beautiful cat and a real lady.

I do feel your loss. I feel my own loss too, your minky, my scruffy. Grief is very hard, and I do still feel it two years later. I have his pictures over my bed. I cried for months. six months later I had a strange experience. My son had two cats, I didn't pay them much mind. Sean was gone alot to work, wasn't home much, left the food down, didn't pay attention to one of them all that much. I went over there, and this strange cat comes running up to me, begging for human contact, hugging, petting, just anything. He was desperate!!!!!! I asked my son if I could take him home. I know for sure he helped my grief. I do not love him like I did scruffy, but he curls up next to me at night, and I pet him and look at scruffys picture. He would have approved of this new friendship. I don't think I will become attached as I was ever again. sometimes that kind of bond is a once in lifetime experience, I believe that. When you feel better, tell me about minky. We can swap stories and shed a tear or two together. I didn't think I would get another cat, it was spur of the moment decision, I put him in the car, where he promply peed all over me. That was this new start ginnie

Ginnie you wanted to know a bit more about Minki. My sister has 8 cats and I have also visited friends with cats, and most cats have the typical cat behaviors and attitudes. I am referring to when you would call and try to get another cat's attention. They typically will show interest but stay at a distance and when you eventually get to touch them they only allow you little contact until you have won their trust. Or the other side of them is to come and brush their heads and tails against you for attention.
Minki was neither.....she would live in her own world and look at people when they visit me and you could walk up to her and touch her, she would allow that, but then carry on in her world again. Nothing like most other cats. She would steal your heart without you knowing it. Everyone liked her.
When I picked her up in my arms she would always put her one paw on my thumb and lean with her head against my arm. When I bent forward while holding her she would remain in that position and the full weight of her head would be on my forearm. It was so cute to see as she was trusting me fully not to let her fall.
In the evenings she would be lying with me as I watch TV and I would always put my hand, arm or body against her while she sleeps.
At bedtime she would be sleeping where we were sitting in the living room and she will wait for me to carry her to the bed where she would sleep right next to my pillow, and off course my hand or arm would be around her. She would wake up to turn on her other side and then put her body again against my arm and sleep further. She never went out at night but would sleep with me till early morning. Then she would go out and come back in. One little maauw with her little voice and I was always getting up to give her food. Then we would both sleep a little longer again before I had to get up.
I had cat flaps put in everywhere so she could go out at any time. When she was outside in the garden and I would look through the window to see where she was, I could see the little white face from a distance in the dark and she was always noticing me when I did. As if she was constantly looking for any sign of me. I have more to tell you but for now I will end.
My first language is Afrikaans so excuse the English when I make small mistakes with grammar or spelling. It is night time here and you have day now (I think about 7 or 8 hours difference) Thank you for your interest in getting to know more about Minki.