I've recently come to terms with the fact that my husband of 20 years has always had effects from an old TBI. It has been a frustrating marriage! I feel like I wasted my life. When I think about leaving I feel so much grief but I don't know what else to do because it's not a happy situation. We didn't have children and we are kind of isolated because all he wants to do is go to work-which I'm grateful he can still do. Please don't tell me to take care of myself or join clubs. Been there..done that. I am talking about the searing grief of being 56 and feeling alone and wondering if it's too late to have a good life. Can't really make a move until grief is a little better under control, you know, not so overwhelming.

No I dont think its too late to have a good life. I read what you been thru and knowing your life isnt going to change until you decide to make the move. My guess is another factor is your concern is who will now take care of him? I admire you for all the things you have done but I know what its like to feel suffocated when your with someone you love --but your not in love with anymore. Its very difficult. I know for me it came down to is its never going to change and if I want it too --I would have to be the one to leave. I wish you all the best!!

I am sorry for you and the pain you feel in your marriage. You have a right to seek some happiness. We are only on this earth a short time. I am 61, and alone too. I do have a son who stays close to me.
If your husband does not want to change or seek council to improve the situation, that ties your hands and leaves you not many options. I know leaving would be full of grief, but sometimes in order to live your life it is something to consider. I do think marriage is a commitment, and vow, sacred, however it takes two to make a marriage. Would a trial seperation wake your husband up to the grief you are feeling? Can it shake him and let him know you need more? Just from my own experience, and I did fail at a marriage, I would rather be alone, than stuck in a marriage that hurts. Life hurts, your spouse is to be the one you turn to. I don't think you can do that with your husband. For your own mental well being, maybe council would help you to cope, just for your own sake. Getting an outside opinion on the situation may help to bring light on this sad situation. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We do need friends when things hurt. ginnie

My Mom-in-Law.... thus you know how much I love her dearly.... "made the move" at about your age now so many years back. Having done it, she blossomed in joy with one whom she wed and it was as if she was reborn. She and he came to hold very very special place in my heart as my "parents" and he even came to refer to me as his child, such was our love.

Mom and Grandpa F knew twenty years of bliss together until he went to be with the Lord about ten years back. Yeah, Mom is pretty far along in years now, and she looks with great fondness at the time she had in the GOOD LIFE she came to know.

Blessings on you,

Yesterday I went to our county social services office and met with a social worker that reviewed his neuropsych report. First of all he said it was a poor job and that my husband was ripped off. Then he said, he has learning disabilities but is high functioning in mechanical skills/thinking. He said is very adaptable and smart. This leaves me to know that a lot of his behavior is personality as well. Thanks for your posts about your personal experiences of "moving on". I started a divorce support group two days ago (he doesn't know it) and it was just in time because this weekend he is going to our cabin (I can't afford to) by himself and said "you can go if you want to." Huh? I feel so abandoned and alone, but I know that I will recover. I have plenty of stuff at home to keep my busy and am going on Mem. Wknd., that's if we are still together. It's hard to ride 4 hours with him in the vehicle. He keeps most of his money and I struggle to get by on mine and I need a car repair. Going to the cabin is at least $250.00
My heart is heavy but I know I will never be happy with him.

I need to stop sounding and feeling like a victim!

It is so hard when relationships go their seperate ways. It takes time to move on. It takes time to grieve for it. It takes time to heal. While you go through this process if that is the direction you must choose, try to keep busy. Try to occupy you thoughts and your actions with other things. This is what I am doing. I went with my son on my first canoe trip in years. Peaceful on the Peace river. Each day I try to remember that not every relationship is meant to be forever. Be good to yourself. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ginnie

Hi TAK!

I get why you said this ----but you feel this way because you tried very hard and so long to make it work. His cognotive skills and emotional responses are not there to be part of any normal relationship. Which has made you feel isolated and alone and depressed for a very longtime. Don't beat yourself up over it ---give yourself time. Im glad to hear you reached out to a support group its really hard when your battling these types of situations in your head alone. It cause all of us at times self doubt everything. However--- something happens when you even just say the words to others---its almost healing for you. It helps you validate your feelings and thoughts. Im glad to read your taking postive steps for yourself.