dear fellow sufferer
it wasn't to long ago i was playing volleyball
barefoot in the sand
a 4 mile walk a day
light weights more reps for definition
i had a powerful body
standing tall at 5' 9-1/2" tall
at 145lb to 150lb
no problems until i was in my latter 40's
delivering a child natural at 38 carried her 42 weeks

i don't know

one night getting up from sleep
to get ready for my evening job
and thought i had a terrible stiff neck
well after the pain becoming unbearable to the
hospital we go
ruptured disk bla bla bla
neuropathic problems
peripheral neuropathy
hand and feet shot
fibromyalgia that riddles my right side
shoulder to waist

keep coming to this beautiful helpful arena
and may you not suffer
as miracles do happen
me

hi baba,

Like dave, i am 20+ yrs in this and, as dave said, acceptance. As difficult as that seems right now. Keep fighting though, fix what you can fix, keep going for all the methods or treatments that ease your pain and your soul.

Focus only on what is good in your life, do not look at the things you cannot change because you are wasting your very precious energy and time. It is so hard, i know, but cherish the people in your life that are still coming around and helping and being with you. Don't stew over the family and friends who maybe are not there for you.

Losing my career was the hardest for me. Feeling productive was hard. I volunteered as i could. When i first lost my job, we gave up our house for a small apt so we could save money. We lived across the street from a hospital so i walked across the street to the volunteer dept, told them my story and my limitations and asked them if they had volunteer job for me. Three hours a week i worked in the family icu waiting room tending to, holding the hands and just trying to help the families who were distraught over their loved ones brought to the icu by car accidents or sudden severe illness. I was helping them, with all my limitations, i was still able to help someone and these people were so grateful for the help. Many were alone and elderly and crying. Holding someone's hand or an arm around a shoulder and kind,soft word was all i could offer but, it helped. Little did all these folks know, they were helping me learn, i did still have some value. The distraction of all this took my mind off my health and pain issues.

You learn there is always someone worse off then you and you can help and that alone, helps your soul. Truly....i know it sounds corny, but it is true. I made some wonderful friends with that little hospital job, 3 hrs a week.

There is a book given to me in 1994 when it was written called
"a whole new life" by reynolds price about how he dealt with a life altering illness that turned his life upside down. He was a professor at duke univ, an author.

And obviously, seeing a therapist to talk about the grief and loss.
I not only went to a therapist but to a hypnotist who did hypnotize me and had me go back in my mind to an age when i was my happiest and healthiest....we went back yr by to the age of 25. He had me recall how i felt, my joy, my young healthy body, my frame of mind. He taught me that when i am at my lowest, to think about that time and oddly, that works. The mind is powerful, that is why meditation and guided imagery works. Go on youtube and there are many lovely guided imagery meditations with lovely music that are helpful.

My best to you as you deal with this,
diandra

Diandra, really liked your idea of volunteering at the hospital. I'm sure those you visited really appreciated. Just shows there are so many ways we can be useful; just have to give it our best. Learning new ways to work with the abilities we do have and not focus on what is gone only brings us down.


Gerry

Loss
So deep that wonder emerged whether I would survive
Body wracked by pain
So visceral
I screamed end on end until lapsing
Unto the bliss of unconsciousness
No more the athlete
Career not only shambles, but evaporated as mist
"Friends" in the profession turning away,
Probably out of fear
It could be catching
Or
They might feel it
Or
It is not honorable to watch one slip from vitality
Alone, but for family, very closest of friends,
Cash passes as though through a sieve
Lasts a while
Yet finally missing as though smoke from snuffed candle
Home and possessions sold
Thank God
Brings some financial reprieve
Food on the table
Shelter
But
Pain overwhelmed yet still
Docs
Meds
Surgery upon surgery upon surgery
Disability
Morose
Sought escape
None found
SCS implant
Some control over major pain
But not all
Could dance no more
Hiking by wheelchair, not astride sturdy legs
SPOUSE, my blessing encouraged me - grow
Sought career once more
Doors made fast , declining market, openings where?
I dwelled in self pity, and too long for my health
Near calamity
THEN inspiration
Reach out, outreach
Connect
Network
SO MANY like me
Without career, profession-less
What about them?
Started small group
Compared notes
Shared networking strategies
Practiced skills
Then
One
By
One
Each found revival of employment
Self esteem restored, providing again
Sweet
And
Even I, broken, yet capable
Grasped opportunity
And hope became promise morphed to work exploded into joy
Truly NOT as lofty as once held in my career valise
Yet.....enough.....and gratifying
At long last
Yes
Still have pain
Have had more surgeries
Meds held at bay for breakthrough need
Thankful for SPOUSE who encouraged, legion of medical pros
Who helped
And
Counseling which centers my focus
A path
Now used oft with cane
And my wheelchairs
Which leads to me being whole

My prayer for you, too,
M56

I can sympathize totally,life's a cruel ride for some, when you have your health you don't think for a fleeting second that you could end up looking to take your life or end up on powerful meds or praying on an operation to make things bearable,a year ago I was fit and strong then severe elbow arthritis set in after 3 ops to keep it at bay,this led to damage to my ulnar nerve and then the morphine and gabapentine and all the side effects and now the depression and isolation that entails......