Dear Debi,

Feeling bad physically will definitely magnify all the other things going on in your life. Hard enough to deal with all you have on your plate, but to add, an acute illness with your chronic pain, and your grief is so overwhelming.

If you have some time, look for a photo of Bubba at a very happy time, and put it on the front of the refrigerator. Seeing that photo will help to replace the hospice image that keeps popping into your mind.

Sure hope you have nothing more than an acute infection that will rapidly improve. You have been on overdrive for a while and your immune system is probably very worn down at the moment making you vulnerable to acute issues right now. Get as much rest as possible to give your body and mind a chance to recover and regenerate.

Just because Bubba is no longer physically present, you can still talk to him all you want. It is just hard not to be able to hear his voice responses. You spent enough years with him to know exactly what his responses would be to your conversation so you can still hear him in your mind.

I still have conversations with some of my departed loved ones. When I go to the cemetery, I talk to them. I talk to them at home. We never realize how much our lives are entwined with the people we share a home and our lives with until they are no longer there. The sharing and caring are suddenly gone that we did not realize was so much a part of our daily living.

Hope you are feeling better very soon.