Thanks both. I feel so much and so little at te same time. I feel confused, because I'm not spending every second looking at him breathing or touching him or smell him. He is with me in this room, and thank god he is still mentally okay, and maybe it helps he is so much at peace. Even though communication isn't always possible anymore, there are some moments we still are able to share. Sometimes just looking at eachother is enough.

Now I'm typing this quietly crying. He's asleep. Why am I online? Why am I typing? Shouldn't I be holding him? I'm afraid I'm not doing the right thing and later feel guilty.

I'm so confused and I feel pain not even sure of this is grief or sadness it's just pain.