Dear indigo,

I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. Do you have any friends or family in areas not too far away who can help you at all?

It sounds as if you need some support urgently. Are you living in a small rural location over there? Have you ever thought of moving so that you are closer to health services.

ahhh, so many questions. I'm sorry.

How do you get on for essentials like food and cooking and cleaning and social support?

There must be support services available to you in such a dire situation. Maybe you could call someone like Healthline and ask the nurses. - Call Healthline on 0800 611 116 for free advice from our trained registered nurses - although looking at the gov website, I think it's more of a health hotline where the nurses ask your symptoms and then offer advice on what you should do next.

What about Lifeline?
Lifeline NZ

Support Services

I think that when you get to the point that you describe, you really have to ask for help. Who can you get to help you? I don't mean only medical help, I mean true support and guidance to help you day to day. Someone who can put in place some practical solutions to your needs. What about a social worker?

You need an advocate. They may not be able to help you with pain management or with your illness but they may be able to help you in other ways so that your life is less of a struggle and that in turn may help with you pain.