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Today, 12-29, is my 36th Wedding Anniversary-Bubba gone 4 months tomorrow

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Old 12-29-2015, 01:28 PM   #1
St George 2013
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My Mood: Today, 12-29, is my 36th Wedding Anniversary-Bubba gone 4 months tomorrow
Heart Today, 12-29, is my 36th Wedding Anniversary-Bubba gone 4 months tomorrow

Just wanted to share with my friends on NT.

We married when I was 17 and he was 22 in a little white church on a hillside. We married at 12 noon.....I have no idea now why I picked that time.

We drove through Burger King on the way home from the wedding so my cousin could see us in our wedding clothes !

By that night we were at his mom's hanging out. Boy were they surprised to see us

Since that time we've had many anniversary 'vacations'. Usually to Panama City Beach. Lots of eating out and 'chilling'.

I regret that we didn't go somewhere last year but my SFN was not under any type of control and I just could not ride for 5 hours.

My daughter and 2nd ex-daughter in law are taking me to dinner tonight and have invited a few of my former co-workers.

I'm not sad today and I thought I would be.

The last 2 meltdowns I've had made me feel better instead of worse which I think is progress ?

Tomorrow is the test since it's the 4 month mark of Bubba's passing

Thank all of you for being here for me during this difficult time.

Debi from Georgia
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Old 12-29-2015, 01:53 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by St George 2013 View Post
Just wanted to share with my friends on NT.

We married when I was 17 and he was 22 in a little white church on a hillside. We married at 12 noon.....I have no idea now why I picked that time.

We drove through Burger King on the way home from the wedding so my cousin could see us in our wedding clothes !

By that night we were at his mom's hanging out. Boy were they surprised to see us

Since that time we've had many anniversary 'vacations'. Usually to Panama City Beach. Lots of eating out and 'chilling'.

I regret that we didn't go somewhere last year but my SFN was not under any type of control and I just could not ride for 5 hours.

My daughter and 2nd ex-daughter in law are taking me to dinner tonight and have invited a few of my former co-workers.

I'm not sad today and I thought I would be.

The last 2 meltdowns I've had made me feel better instead of worse which I think is progress ?

Tomorrow is the test since it's the 4 month mark of Bubba's passing

Thank all of you for being here for me during this difficult time.

Debi from Georgia
always at your side

guess what

today is my ex-husbands birthday
december 29, 1984
our youngest Christine
who by the way is Eva's mommy
my daughter
was an infant
he got looped
argument ensued
into the next morning
it did not stop
tomorrow will be 12/30/84
was our last day living together
and divorced him early 1986
been man free since then to date
what lives we live
and what dates too mean for us
amazing
God Bless
love
me
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Old 12-29-2015, 04:04 PM   #3
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Debi ,

I've been thinking of you lately and wondered if any significant date or anniversary was coming up. Seems I start thinking of people and then they tell me "oh, my birthday or anniversary was on that day".

That's really sweet of your daughter(s) to take you out. It will be fun for you to see former co-workers.

I found that when I had a meltdown and felt better afterwards (instead of worse) that it helped me with the guilt I felt.....for whatever reason......maybe that I was still here and he wasn't or that I still got to see and spend time with the kids and our friends.......everything I did that made me feel the least bit happy I felt guilty about......and then I didn't. I just realized one day that I could feel joy and not be ashamed of it or feel like I was doing something I shouldn't. I guess that's just how grief works. One day you realize that feeling good is not bad!

I think you'll do fine tomorrow. I know I put way, way too much emphasis on "anniversaries".......1 month, 2 months, 6 months since "the day". I think I felt more anxious during the days and weeks leading up to these dates than the actual day made me feel. Some dates it would be late in the day before I realized that it was a "date" day......anniversary of the day he passed, day of the funeral, etc. I know he would not be marking these dates as I was so when I finally stopped giving them so much power over me I felt so much better.

I will be thinking of you and hoping that you find some happy memories to think about tomorrow. I think Bubba will know and be happy that you are beginning to feel some peace and joy in your life. No better testament to your love for another than joyful memories.
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Old 12-29-2015, 04:22 PM   #4
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That was so special that you shared your marriage story with us. Loved it.
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Old 12-30-2015, 12:52 PM   #5
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Debi,

That story is just the sweetest thing! Thank you for sharing it with us. Your dinner plans sound lovely and I think a time of celebration with friends and family is in order. What a great way to spend the evening.

Feeling better after a melt-down is definitely progress. Meltdowns that simply leave you feeling exhausted aren't helpful and are emotionally draining. I think improvement afterwards is a good sign. Get that stuff outta there!

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Old 12-31-2015, 02:33 AM   #6
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hi Debi. thank you for sharing your beautiful story. i am glad you went out to dinner with your daughter and ex-daughter in law. i hope you had a wonderful time. and you will always have wonderful memories of your husband to make you smile and to let you know that he is still with you. just keep taking it one day at a time and know that you are not alone because you have your NT family id here to lean on for caring support. i am sending soft hugs to you my friend.
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Old 05-23-2016, 07:44 AM   #7
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hi deb. i just wanted to check in to see how you are doing. i hope you are okay and have a really nice day today. take care.
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:20 PM   #8
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hi deb. i just wanted to check in to see how you are doing. i hope you are okay and have a really nice day today. take care.
So sweet of you to check up on me.

I was just thinking about posting so I guess you are the one to get it !

My 54th birthday is next Monday, Memorial Day. It will also be 9 months since I lost Bubba.

We are leaving for St George Island in Florida on Sunday. We had been taking this family trip for 5 years until last year when Bubba had his surgery on May 20th so we were unable to go.

I'm thankful we are not staying in the same house as usual but will be in the same small community of 5 houses. Due to Bubba's back issues I would always bring his morning coffee to the bedroom for him. And his lunches and so forth....lol. He saved his energy so he would be able to walk out on the long dock and fish in the Bay with our son, son-in-law and grandchildren.

So far I'm not really looking forward to the trip. Hope when I get in the truck with others on the way down I'll start to 'feel' it. Or maybe when I get there and see all the beauty the island has to offer.

9 months......some days it seems like forever since I touched him and sometimes it seems like yesterday. It has become easier and I don't cry hysterically anymore. Just cry quietly to myself.

One of the hardest things is dealing with this pain without him. He was always so helpful and supportive when my pain was bad. He called me everyday from work to see how I was doing that day. Knowing everyday was different for me. Bless his heart.....when he finally came home from the hospital and was using a walker but still really struggling to walk.....he would get my cold pack out of the freezer and bring it to me when I was in bed and in pain....even with me telling him not to.

My son calls....several times a day to check on me but it's not the same. I do appreciate Luke's calls. He and my daughter have been right by my side every step of the way.

Thanks so much for your message and everyone else that keeps up with me.

Debi
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Old 05-25-2016, 06:09 PM   #9
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i hope you have a very happy birthday Deb! and i hope you enjoy your trip. i know your husband is with you in spirit so you will still have him near you to celebrate your special day. sending love and hugs to you my friend. take good care of yourself and hope you get the rest and relaxation you so greatly deserve.
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Old 05-28-2016, 10:59 AM   #10
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My Mood: Today, 12-29, is my 36th Wedding Anniversary-Bubba gone 4 months tomorrow
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Debi, may your birthday Blessed Be
That your memories wash over you
Buoying you up joyfully
May a fountain of blessing
Bring peace to you steadily
That reflections and the present joys
Bring you comfort, and Blessed Be

M56

P.S. I, too, truly enjoyed the sweetness of your wedding day memories

Last edited by Mark56; 05-28-2016 at 11:00 AM. Reason: Typo
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