Hi
I have 2 sons whom past away, 1 in Oct 2010 & 1 in Feb 2013. They were both 36 when they died. I am divorced & me & my ex each paid for a sons funeral & each were cremated. Both my sons *did not* get along with their father at all.
I have both of their ashes & I'd like to have them buried in my family cemetary plot, which is about 150 miles away from him. I am not sure what my options are; do me & my ex have to agree on a cemetary or can I place the ashes in my family plot & tell my ex where they are; should I offer my ex half of the ashes? I plan on having a small family memorial service without my ex. I thought once I placed my sons' ashes & have the memorial service then, he can have his own memorial service (If he wishes). Any suggestions would be very helpful. Thank you.

I am so so sorry to hear about your sons passings.

I lost my husband of 35 years 8 1\2 months ago and he was cremated. I still have his ashes as I have been unable to bring myself to bury them in our family plot. He was only 58.

I have no idea if there is any legal issue here about the ashes but I think I would offer him half of each if he wants them. If u do then I don't think u will ever 2nd guess yourself in the future. Just my thoughts.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Debi from Georgia

I am so sorry about your sons.

I have to agree with Debi. I would at least make the offer to him and he can accept or not.

Legally, I don't think there would be any issues because both boys were adults. Unless your ex had some sort of written agreement with one or both regarding this but it doesn't sound like he does.

I wish you all the best.

This must be very difficult for you as well as causing mixed emotions about the ashes. Since both you and your ex both paid a share for each of the sons funerals and cremations; would it be possible to ask him if he had any objections placing the ashes in your family plot? Since you already have a family plot, he may think this is a good idea. As far as the memorials; that would probably be an individual choice for each of you.

Should he have any objections; then I would think you may want to make the offer to him regarding half the ashes.

I hope you can come to a mutual agreement so you may at least have this stress settled and some peace of mind.


Gerry

My heart goes out to you and family in this time of difficulty.

Law does speak to your question, and the only proper means for you to gain some closure is to consult with a licensed attorney near you. They can give opinion shaped by law on your facts re handling of your dear sons' cremains.

We who here have lent supportive thoughts cannot give the legal advice which may help you. This being said, the loving thoughts shared relative to holding memorial service(s) is wonderfully stated apart from burial.

A memorial helps to bring thoughts, feelings, and deeply held hopes for the best for your loved ones shared by you and many others to a place where, shared in grief and joy and loving reflection, aid each of we who mourn to move forward in life. This is even many times done without a body or remains at all.

I pray you, your family/friends, and your ex will find peaceful resolution to your double tragedy.

Peace,
M56