Holiday time can bring up incredible frustrations, helplessness, and anger at a world that appears to be totally oblivious to your pain. As the holidays approach, focus on what you need to take care of yourself. It might be to create a new way of celebrating important events that will be a healing balm to your grief rather than a reopening of the wounds.

Solicit other people's support in your active process of surviving the season. Share with family and friends your plan to take care of your hurting. If there is something someone can do to nurture you, let them know. You will be giving them the gift of honesty so they can give you the gift of caring.

Our senses are acute at this time. Every sight, sound, aroma, taste, and touch will be magnified. Or the opposite may occur and we may be anesthetized and not be able to feel anything.

Throughout our journey in and out of the winter months, it is vital that we listen carefully each day, hour and minute to what you are experiencing, what we need, and what we can do to get what we need.

Be gentle with you. Treat yourself as you would the most delicate tiny child who is hurting - who yearns only to be held, cuddled and protected. Care for yourself as the precious human being you are.

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by Janet Childs, The Centre for Living with Dying

printed in The Healing Garden The Compassionate Friends Newsletter

I don't want to feel this way with the holidays coming soon. Everywhere I turn I am remined of the husband I don't have anymore. This will be my second year without him. There is constance reminders when I am shopping of what I have bought him past Christmas's. Then the memories flood up of the fun we have had.

Appreciate the husband you have, for all to soon they are gone. Things are not the same anymore. You try to live in the present and it is so hard. I often think of what I would do, if I could spend one day with him now. I would tell him how much I love him and how much I appreciate all he has done for me. Time is precious people, make it count.
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Billie

(((Billie))) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TfXT0ThO2I

You are both right.

I am dreading this holiday.

Soon I will go home to see my family. My aunt who has had breast cancer for the last 9 years and has been a rock and an inspiration has taken a turn for the worse the last couple of weeks.

It could be her last Christmas and it makes me so sad to think that.

Ever since I can remember during the holidays she had the most beautiful nativity set I have ever seen. It was handmade and one of a kind. I have always loved it.

Last year for Christmas she found the person who made it and had one made for me and my husband.

Last night I put it up and was mixed with feelings of deep sadness for my aunt and the beauty of what Christmas really means.

I will make this the best Christmas ever for my aunt and my family.

I think just having you there will make it the best Christmas ever for her.

Yes, family mean a lot Shelley. She must think a lot of you to have a nativity set make for you. God Bless you.
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Billie

i am so sorry that you are hurting..i know exactly how you feel..this is my second christmas without david and it hurts oh so much..the deep depression makes my pain even greater--which doesn't help things--- i haven't even started shopping yet or put up any decorations..everything brings back memories...even though they are good memories--they get me so upset and lead to another mental breakdown...our losses are still too new to not feel the way we do..we are still so raw from losing the ones we love more than anything or anybody else in this world...my family is pretty much all gone so there is no real support system for me there...my friends and my therapist can only do so much...and of course my friends at b/t...but i don't want to burden everyone with my problems...lost most of my friends by doing that..
billie..write to me anytime you feel like venting or just chatting..i will be there for you like you have been there for me ...
best wishes to all--have a peaceful night---moonstar (linda)

I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,but
the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away. We really aren't apart. So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear,
and be glad I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.
I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory, of my undying love.
After all "Love" is the gift, more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can't count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.

Moonstar,

I'm like you but maybe in a different way. I have family that never stands by me and I am now grieving for my ex-husband who passed just this month. Before him the neighbor I took care of all summer passed in this past September.

About Christmas though, I am just ignoring the whole holiday as I figure if I aknowledge it, it will bring on the saddness and everything else that goes with being alone.

befuddled2