A friend of mine's dad has terminal cancer and he's turned to me for emotional support. I took care of a terminal ill friend last year and I never seemed to be at a loss of words with him but I am now. I don't know why. I guess maybe I don't need to say much and just cry with him? I want to help him so bad as I know how bad it hurts to lose a parent as I've lost both of mine. He has hardly no one to count on or else he would not be leaning on me. We use to date and I've ended it with him on that front twice. He drinks heavily since he was young and he's full of bull crap a lot but he's still a human being and I'm going to be a friend to him now at least and I want to help him.

befuddled2

like you said, cry with him, be there, and hugsss
the only great words are, I am sorry...I am sorry on how hard this is...and more hugs and tears with him...

being there for someone thru grief is the best...and the I am sorry....

I learned when we lost a baby full term...what NOT to say....to someone when losing or lost a loved one...the well it was meant to be, or maybe they are in a better place...(and I believe in heaven..just didnt want to hear that at first when lost a child), or It will get better...those kindof comments...didnt help....

the ppl who just held me, cried with me, said sorry, remembered the anniversary with a card...stuff like that helped...hugsssss and sorry about your friends hardship...sarah

I totally agree with what Sarah said.

Tell him how sorry you are straight away, then just be there for him.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there to listen when he wants to talk, and remember that 'what not to say' is probably just as important as what the 'right things' are.

Thank you two. I have not heard anything from him yet today but plan to check on him this afternoon when and if he works and gets home.

befuddled2

Hi, befuddled. Just let him know you're sorry and ask if there's anything you can do. Sometimes there really is nothing much more to say than that -- and to be there.

You're a good friend for just asking this question.

Thanks,

He called me around 4 a.m. but I didn't hear the phone. He called me twice more during the day but I didn't know it. His dad had a stroke today on top of things. I will ask him tomorrow if there's anything I can do. Today I asked him if he wanted for me to come sit with him and he said he wanted to be alone.

befuddled2

Yeah -- what Sarah said. Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you wish you could make it better. Cry w/ him, if that feels natural.

~ Faith

Thank you too. Today my friend seems in better spirits. He ate something for the 1st time in days. I think he's been prepared but from experience when that time actually comes, no amount of preparing will ease the pain.

hi befuddled,
this is why grief hurts so much.. what do you say? what do you do? from my experience on here...nothing..
but be there.
to lend an ear when someone needs to talk, to offer a shoulder when someone needs support. to offer yourself as a punch bag when they need to let it all go.... but be waiting with open arms to give a hug when they need it most..
tc
steash

Thank you Steash:

My friend's dad passed last Friday morning. The viewing is today and the graveside service is tomorrow. I freaked out last night thinking about going to the viewing as it made me think of my mom's viewing in 2005. I don't think I'm strong enough to go to the viewing but plan to go to the graveside service tomorrow.

I visited with my friend on Saturday. He is staying with his mom now for a few days.

befuddled2