I lost my boyfriend about a month ago. He hanged himself while I was on the phone with him and I am having a very hard time with this. I miss him so much. I refuse to believe that he is dead or what he did. I keep thinking that he is with me and when the phone rings I still think it's him. He told me he could not go on with his life without me in it. I had to move out of his house for personal reasons and he couldn't cope with that. The police did not get to his house until he had been hanging for an hour. He was totally brain dead. I did get to see him in the hospital and refused to say goodbye but he died within 5 minutes after I left. I am on medication to sort of help me through this but it is killing me. I have even thought of doing things so I could be with him wherever he is. I have not seen him or talked to him and am getting irritated by that. Why would he not show himself to me? Why did he do this to me?

You should check out the SOS board here. Maybe you will find more help

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html