That, I would give
Anything
To go back
To being thirteen
Before, this illness
Took complete
Control
Of me
That, I'm so sick
Of being sick
That, most days
I cannot differentiate
Between reality
And, delusional thinking
That, my illness
Will get worse
Over these next
Few years
And, that I fear
That, I may not
Live through
All these tears
That, I feel
As though
everyone is questioning me
And, what I believe
That, no one knows
If what I say happened to me
Did, in all actuality
That, this is really hard
To live with
And, it's so humbling
Because, I never know
When, again,
I will spiral out of control
If I could just explain
So that others understand
That, it is a constant battle
Trying, to feel normal
My mind, is changing,
Constantly
And, I never know
What, to believe...

hey friend.. know what I feel like your poem..right now the wind is blowing I can hear it scratching like finger nails on a chalk board.. like it is waiting for me to dare go outside...so it can rip my face up and off with monster pain.
I know for most people that seems un realistic but for me it is normal. what is normal for me ..isnt normal for everyone else.
I know too that my pain will never get any better and if anything become worse. so I try hard not think of it being worse.. I decide that for today even tho the wind is mocking me and dying for a rip at me. I am not too bad and not as bad as i was at one time... I decide that right now at this second in time . right now is as good as it gets keep hanging in . some of us dont question you we just listen and lend a sholder and a hug .
and thanks for sharing . sharing is the best.
Peace Peace
BMW