Wow, brandtryan, what a special ability you have to describe your innermost thoughts and feelings. Thanks for sharing. Really.

Let us know how it goes with the neuro tomorrow, k?

Wow ryan...you remind me of someone we know around here...*grin.
You're going to fit right in!

I hung on every word. Thanks for sharing this.

Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for the responses! I look forward to learning a lot from the forums here--it's certainly been a warm welcome!

It went well--I posted a message about it in the peripheral neuropathy forum. They won't let me post links yet--otherwise I would have provided one!

So Ryan, is your name, "Chris"

Sorry, got a little confused with folks calling your ryan but reading your mom calling your Chris. LOL

maybe it's both...

in reading your story, which I've read about 3 times...

I've had to take a deep breath every other sentence...

It was like reliving those days over for myself...

I think I may have similar barking tics as you do...I think I may share some of your other tics...

but what your mom is going through is similar to what my mom went through and probably still goes through from time to time...

her anguish and tears are PROBABLY mostly with herself...her own guilt...

she probably has asked these questions million of times:

"Why my baby?"
"why did I give it to him? Why did his father give it to him?"
"Why won't people understand? Why do they laugh at him? Why do they tease him?"
"Why, God, did you have to do this to him?" (and of course, there is the conflict of questioning God)

of course she probably asks more questions than that and eachtime she asks those questions, it ends up looping back to herself...her own guilt, which then could manifest itself into different emotions such as anger, sadness. If she was impatient or moody, it could mostly come from her own battles...

but there is something in your story that have touched me...

your self-insight...I wish I had your self insight when I was your age...

I ended up hating the world and gave up on myself and everybody...

I didn't hear that in your tone...

you have a positive in your negatives...

you laugh with those that laugh at you...I didn't learn that til later..

I am not sure if Crazy Charlie gave you TS.

TSers are known to have Trigger point(ages) and a lot of us get triggered and then the tics then take on a life of their own...

boy, sorry to post such a long post...don't want to bore you

just wanted to come and say hi and say that you are one heckit of a young man and that your mom should be very proud of you...and she is...

but currently, she probably is and will be blinded with her own guilt (this is NOT a criticism) and that will be something that she has to work through...but with your understanding and support, she is going to be OK...

my mother's eureka moment came after my father passed away...*sigh....

I hope you will post this memoir in the TS forum...it will probably help a lot of other parents that are trying to so hard to find a cure for their kids...when all along, the cure is within those that have it...

nice to meet you!

moi

Moi,

Thanks a lot for your reply, and the longer the better IMHO

I almost don't want to reveal this, and hope I didn't mislead anyone here--but this is a "Memoir"--I'm 36 years old--and I wrote this about 5 years ago in a graduate program.

I tried to bring myself back to that time--when I was around 9 or 10. It is very vivid in my memory, as obviously it had a profound effect on the rest of my life. Anyway, I appreciate your post, and am happy you felt the "positiveness" in it--indeed, I had to deal with it that way, as it never occured to me at the time, to deal with it in any other way. Now that I'm an adult, and have lived life through many experiences--I can't see my attitude being the same if something similiar were to strike me now. I'll post it in the TS forum--if you think that many might not see it here. By the way, my name is Brandt--I just used Chris because I was embarrassed to actually have my name in there, even though everyone in the class knew it was about me. Now that I think about--that was kind of strange that I did that. Oh well.

hi brandt and welcome.

at 36..you are a young man to moi.

he's gonna get me for that.

i think a copy of that on the ts forum would be awesome.

Type louder, I have a hard time hearing....

but I agree with Curious, I think a copy of this would be awesome in the TS forum...

and really, any forum..it is good self-insight...