Story in a nut shell. Started using drugs and alcohol heavily at 15 to mask the pain of an extremely abusive childhood, carried on into my adulthood. I would have periods of success, college graduation, a healthy relationship and even engagement here and there but every time I would rise to the top, the anchor of my past would surface and my addictions would cause me to sink faster than the titanic. Put it this way, in 06 I received a Masters from an Ivy League school , fell back into my addictions worse than ever and was arrested in 2009 for forging prescriptions, even spent 3 months in jail. When hear the saying "From Yale to jail." I've really lived it. Anyways, after years of the ups and downs, I finally had a doctor that prescribed me Suboxone, because God forbid that I actually listened to the 12 step programs and dealt with the wreckage of my past, way to painful. So, hey another drug to solve my woes, why not? At first, it was a wonder drug! I felt better than I had in 20 years. I had energy, slept well, peace of mind and no drug cravings for anything else, something else miraculous about Suboxone is you literally cannot drink on it. No taste for it at all. After a year on it, things began changing. The good effects slowly starts subsiding, until they were all gone. Then the depression hit. OMG, it is awful. I want off this drug but now I'm stuck. I have heard the withdrawals from this are worse than OxyContin and last 10times as long. Suboxone stays in your system forever, months at a time. So anyways, I'm just at a fork in the road, Ineed some help. Please don't write back to criticize me. I have had enough criticism in my life. I have a disease that I just simply don't know how to treat appropriately. I have recently become suicidal for the first time as well. Although I would never go through with it, it's always on the back of my mind, that it would be easier. It's a truly awful and scary way I'm living.....does anyone have any constructive advice? Please.