Theta, you said that the physiological and emotional urges were all present. If it was the Lithium "dulling" your feelings, then I don't think you would feel that way. I find it interesting that tears can give so much relief. I think that scientists have actually tested emotion based tears and found they differ in their make-up from our tears from peeling onions etc.. Really interesting.

I was just talking with someone a couple of days ago about the fact that when an old relative of mine died many years ago, I didn't cry. I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry. I didn't actually feel anything. She was not always a good person. I often wondered if I'd over thought it all and had just worked through it all and by the time her life was over, I just had no feelings left. It's not as if they're inside my head somewhere just hiding. They're truly gone.

So, maybe actually trying to cry is not the way to go about it.

Recently my daughter and I visited a Buddhist temple in the hills near where I live. I am not a religious person, but I do have an interest in learning everything I can about everything I guess. lol

Anyway, we sat in a meditation session and afterwards I spoke to the Nun about some particular issues regarding actual meditation techniques and she suggested that I was thinking with my mind and forgetting to think with my heart and that I could learn in my meditation practice to bring that "light" down more to the centre, to the heart. I thought it was very interesting and true. I do tend to overthink things.

So, maybe you're trying too hard to release those actual tears? Maybe they'll just flow when you least expect?

Thank you each one and all here. Truly.

Yes, I too was even just last year still one of you who cried at tv news, tragedies around us near and far, tv biographies, etc etc.
Oh to still have that aliveness to feel and to emote.
This deadwoodness is not a life.

And it is but one piece of the brokenness.
And yes, I have thought of the chemical makeup of tears and that in fact they may truly be healing. I remember, what a cleansing afterglow.

Much appreciation to you each here. It means so much.
I am otherwise way too much alone with all of this.