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11-06-2016, 07:30 AM | #401 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
Since losing my private insurance from a job i could not return to and becoming a SSDI recipient has been a enormous challenge I have tried and tried and tried and tried till there wasn't anything left The inept education on the other end of the phone who cannot answer any of my questions This is year two having to apply for food stamps submitting all necessary documents and questions answered but year two again THEY royally screwed up once again One letter comes in saying we are approved And another that followed by one day as per post mark claim THEY DID NOT RECEIVE the recertification application I returned the requested documentation made sure i dotted my I's and crossed my T's then i immediately made a copy of the application with the date sentence sent it out quickly yet the response I get is if I do not fill out said application it will be terminated Just like that Will be calling agency tomorrow And pray this will be rectified in a speedy manner What the **** is going o I have zero Nothing to take care of my child my grandchild It is scary My previous place of employment refusing to give me what is rightfully mine And here I am Trying to keep it ALL TOGETHER There is nobody on a professional as far as mental health i will not put myself in a system that doesn't know if they are coming or going A system so broken I fear the future How my place of employment is refusing me a "early retirement pension" BASED ON TERMINOLOGY I YET TO HEAR FROM THE PENSION DEPARTMENT I am scared Very scared I cannot find a doctor for myself The system S.U.C.K.S. Many things are falling apart What to do
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (11-06-2016) |
11-15-2016, 01:24 PM | #402 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Having so much to deal with
Is more than I ever imagined in my life All a new again May our health insurance look better sooner than later Optimistic I am Empowered I am In Christ Jesus who wraps his arms around me when at my lowest Pulled out of the abyss over and over and over again A family I am responsible for A family who needs me now more than ever My relationship with my eldest on a higher plane I am in love with my babies Babies no more But will always be my babies Together we will be soon again Our dogs ashes were taken care of and will be near Oh how I miss him It gets harder and harder as time goes on But find it in me to still put one foot in front of the other Home bound As this body has a mind of its own Painful it is to the point of getting sick Hard to keep food down Swallowing a issue Blood pressure still not under control Prays meditation breathing and stretch as best I can No life outside from home Phone is my contact in the world No I don't want to feel anymore For it is not a way I would entertain relief That is not an option So one day at a time And calling upon my protector I will survive Till my last breath Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (11-15-2016), Skeezyks (11-15-2016) |
11-15-2016, 08:22 PM | #403 | ||
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (11-16-2016) |
11-16-2016, 08:49 AM | #404 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I have never had problems with anyone in the building I love in
I live with a very disturbed person above me It is five years I am in this building Police have been called out all hours of the morning She is not well and I have educated myself about the rules of the building I have evidence recordings and the awaited reports from the police station to submit to management and enforce them to do their job I have contacted the the proper authorities and building management and Office of Fair Housing Equal Opportunity A few days ago receiving a call from them and will help me in the situation I am tired of holding those who are responsible to take action I came from a building that was in the end taken away from the owner to be It took ten years of my life I have made a difference in this world Only I am sick now I need my rest At 4:40 this morning awakened called the authorities When they came as they have come in the past were gracious Listened to the audio of the noise disturbance that showed date and time There are several recordings of her irrational behavior Have found her at my door on two occasions All the above in the hands of management This is how my morning started And will do all I can to make her stop It is out of control I do not trust management for personal reasons Upon moving I was approached by several people who live in my building and the questions that were asked of me by the tenants "How much money did you pay to get in this building" The other question is "How did you get into a two bedroom apartment" My car has been vandalized upon asking for a handicap spot Submitted all required documentations with my plaque Camara that would show who keyed my car was not available according to management This told me enough to keep an eye on them closely Just another thing on my plate My Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father the Holy Spirit keep me strong while taking on possible changes May this be the task at hand for many who live here in fear One day at a time Body broken and tired My mind constantly working Awaiting reports form all the times I had to call the police to ask her to knock it off We had two meetings with management After the second meeting that night I had to call the police again Only now incriminating herself by leaving a note at my door Stating "I apologize and don't blame you for call the police" Enough already Limited sleep I do not have to express how important it is for a sick body Not to mention my mind Never ending May I be used to make a difference Don't want to feel anymore Amen
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (11-18-2016) |
11-17-2016, 06:49 AM | #405 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Stripped of a way of life I still hold on to apparently
Having to clean up the mess tiny metal flecks having to saw through a metal entrance door Two large gashes in my floor I had put down when moving in Just cried the entire time My OCD kicked in big time And they aren't done yet Awakened again at three with a thump that seemed to be like a bowling ball Letter to be sent to the above tenant As I was assured by management Allowing me to see it I hope this will put an end to her Lets call it a tick As she apparently isn't well It is so out of control My blood pressure 169/100 And am on BP meds My mind My mind To calm my mind So want to shut it down So don't want to feel anymore So badly don't want to feel anymore Yet I have a reason for existing I will never kill myself as I still wonder What was he feeling when he took his life at 47 I can't imagine to pain sorrow sadness whatever I will never know But this I know for sure If I can put one foot in front of the other And make it through the day I pray my children will too I have a broken body That reminds me every moment of my day It shouldn't be like this But it is So with a prayer and hope I manage to make it to put my head on my pillow to sleep And then only to be awakened in a very bad way May Jesus Christ wrap his arms around me and fill my Spirit with calm Heavenly Father the Holy Spirit Come into my being In Jesus name Amen Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (11-18-2016) |
11-20-2016, 08:13 AM | #406 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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My depression
A factor of many reasons Given up anymore trials to the antidepressants As none took care of the problem But actually made the matter worse And then the withdrawals No more So this morning I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude A love for an animal who is in doggy heaven Awaiting my Spirit to join him By for now The joy that my family wants to be in my presence is a big deal My children my sister My daughter who left rehab again My youngest learning some life lessons that do not change even with social media Relationship is based on honesty Now she suffers the consequence The one thing that means more than anything Is being honest She came clean And is hurting But understands the lesson Proud I am of her To think of my childhood at the holiday times My father having card games that started on a Friday night into to wee hours of into early Monday morning to go to work The baking The sled rides in the chapel yard next to our home that had an awesome hill The decorations On the Christmas tree The Hungarian traditions would put holiday candy on the tree My baby sister was my responsibility My crazy wacky loving middle sister taught me how to smoke Got so sick Oh how grateful my family wants to be together to WANT to BE TOGETHER My baby sister My eldest daughter and husband her high school sweetheart making the dinner Their significant love ones with them Corissa with her older siblings My granddaughter who is just precious Will have mommy there who left the program But now can spend and do the holiday homework Very simple for my granddaughter Her first kindergarten report card show how very advanced she is and it turns out her favorite subject is science Just so happens to be mine I have this feeling of warmth my lineage after me are coming together A surprised due me from my boy as I'm told My eldest who has been calling once a day just to see how thing are And she misses talking to her mommy This will be branded into Eva's memory She is at an age that is so very important for happy good memories How they form us I began to speak with Heavenly Father Not understanding why I must go through the diversities throughout my life time And can see now it made me who I am today And trust in the purpose it will all make sense in the end In all my adversities I get it And the tears I shed are happy ones Overwhelmed of the idea my babies adults now will surround me and gift me with their presence feels so wonderful So very sad my daughter could not follow through Until the next try With a prayer and hope she keeps trying To call upon the Holy Spirit Jesus Christ Heavenly Father and the angels to protect this family and to please protect them as they go through their journey in life and look to YOU FOR THE ANSWERS I give thanks to our loving father And wait let him take over I'm never alone Thank you Jesus Grateful I am Amen Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (11-20-2016) |
11-30-2016, 08:12 AM | #407 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Just got off the phone with my baby sister
My mother has been put on Paxil in the last four days And it wasn't the Xanax withdrawal She was taken off Paxil this drug took four days from her She could have done so much damage to herself and others She has no memory of the past four days The er doctor released her with .25 mg Xanax My sister took off work for the rest of the week Stayed in bed with her At some point my sister administered her meds with the Xanax and she slept through the night Awoke to no memory er doctor said she was having a reaction to the Paxil I'm f'in had it with the doctors She cannot take antidepressants You go into the er and tell them about the mutation As my er experience He had NO CLUE WHAT "MTHFR DNA MUTATION WAS" I was educating him Since finding the mutation a year now I only came across ONE doctor ONE it was my daughters OBGYN ONE and more than 50% of the population suffers from the depletion of folate their entire life My jaw just hanging Sure why don't you just kill her I'm sick of it all May health and good change be in our future So many addicted AND THE SMART duff doctors JUST WON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY again personal experiences not just once twice more than two dozen just in my case since becoming ill at 49 years old And old this body feels Broken And I stay sober It would only take three drinks And ALL the pain GONE but I would lose all I worked for A better life on life terms I don't understand But I carry my cross Let me carry it without whining When the weather is as it has been rainy I'm good for nothing But I WILL put one foot in front of the other And just do Hoping with a prayer You are holding me tight And never let me go Amen
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (12-02-2016) |
12-01-2016, 03:29 PM | #408 | ||
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May all sentient beings be well...
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (12-02-2016), PamelaJune (12-02-2016) |
12-21-2016, 09:44 AM | #409 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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As well wishes go out
Dispite differences Honoring a request Not recognized is more then whatever it may be I have no desire to know And have a kind heart to offer It's similar to how my mother has been married for three years and is now living with her third husband she divorced Having to understand when one needs another and not understand there just might be a problem As for my ill father and a mother who looked the other way for her fear of losing her man Sad When one hasn't a clue How so very hard it is was in my addict times Many years put behind me And that was the easy part The hard part was tending to our character defects This is always in the works Brutally honest Is who I am Careful not to be hurtful So with hope and a prayer I accept your decline and will never contact again To those who get me It's on Peace and Love to the World Love Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (12-24-2016), RSD ME (12-28-2016) |
12-21-2016, 12:30 PM | #410 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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He was young
47 Can't help but wonder How badly was he feeling To just do it I tell my kids If I have to fight this as they know me completely No secrets And have come together How do I help my babies Keep it real No lies Won't ever give up Ever I pray the pain disappear Today my doctor will give me a injection in the back of my neck It's been years It was tempory relief He tells me my nerve is being impinged and very angry and inflamed Looking for some relief Especially when at my daughter and hubby The entire family together Yeah hoping for relief His birthday Do many years ago Gone Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | OhKay (12-23-2016) |
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