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02-17-2015, 02:02 PM | #41 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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today i have music on as i write
somethng i never did before last week i contacted my oldest friend Maureen Yugoslavian we pick up where we left off today i called a lover who i also know as long as Maureen we went to grammar school and high school together he wanted to know what was the honor of the call as he has no clue it my last intimate time with him or anyone he has no clue our last time together I say this not to be vulgar in anyway we were watching SNL though we weren't intimate on that night he kissed my right breast kissed me good night let himself out i had no clue of my lump yet he has no clue how memorable everytime i look at the beautiful picture of myself and right breast so i never would forget brings back memories when i called him and told him about having them both removed this man called me night before surgery I'm glad I called and he answered for if just for one moment in time he then called the next day called to see how i was that was a bit more than two years glad i did we have a long history just because of time and it's been in bits and pieces through the years divorced a father of a son as much as i don't want to feel i'm glad i called we will be together in the future so he would like that and yes just because at a very tough time as a woman him knowing of my body called the man called him alone and he doesn't know how it has affected me in a very good way i'm glad i called and he will touch me and bring me back in time if just for another moment in time he seemed happy and i did too this i would very much like to FEEL me
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 02-18-2015 at 01:59 AM. Reason: Fixing |
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02-17-2015, 03:05 PM | #42 | |||
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Magnate
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Quote:
My Sister phoned me today. I told her about my Depressive Personality Disorder - the first person in the outside World I have confided in. We talked about our childhoods, the lack of Love expressed. We talked about the hole inside me. She understood, and in understanding made me feel that bit lighter. A good day for both of us. I said there was someone Special waiting for you. Keep playing your music. Dave. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (02-18-2015), ger715 (02-17-2015), Lara (02-17-2015), PamelaJune (03-01-2015), St George 2013 (02-23-2015) |
02-17-2015, 11:28 PM | #43 | ||
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Magnate
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Quote:
Eva, That's great!! Yesterday's (2/16) post to you (thread: making a choice every day) I had written "I wish you love". Also, mentioned a friend, or neighbor, etc.. Glad you were met with memorable responses. Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | EnglishDave (02-18-2015), eva5667faliure (02-18-2015), Lara (02-17-2015), St George 2013 (02-23-2015) |
02-20-2015, 10:41 PM | #44 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I did what I never imagined I could
and respond as I did A comment remembered "That's your job you are the mother" REALLY REALLY It never stops Until I shut them out WHY me
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someone who cares eva |
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03-04-2015, 06:10 PM | #45 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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and all i would like to
just sleep i can't i have to take care of Eva she is so on top of what's going on no option goodnight me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Lara (03-04-2015) |
03-05-2015, 04:03 PM | #46 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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and to be in a depressive state
just blows i was thinking of my maternal grandmother i remember her only meeting her twice as children nine and thirteen taking vacation to go to Hungary after having a intense conversation with my sixteen year old it was she who who had me thinking of my grandmother to describe her is sad always in the kitchen a separate house adjacent to the rest of the house ya know country girl dirt roads chicken coups and now as an adult could see in her eyes the sadness a very introverted understandably as it was time of WW 2 and how the German soldiers would barge into the home order my grandmother to cook for them and she did so the story goes and my grandfather helpless just had to watch and pour the drink wine an in remembering her and my conversation keep a mental picture and began to wonder was she troubled with depression it be my assessment to try and understand me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | EnglishDave (03-05-2015), St George 2013 (03-06-2015) |
03-10-2015, 08:43 AM | #47 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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It shouldn't matter
I have been in a severe depressive state My pain is growing in spreading My hands feet all in the 5/6-6/7 area My neck my shoulders my body all be riddled in one way or another It takes so much energy from this brain that is always a problem Depressed like never before Me
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someone who cares eva |
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03-10-2015, 02:07 PM | #48 | |||
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Magnate
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Quote:
New pains, increased pains, affect our Depression big time. On top of this you have your family and your poor dog. A slide in Mood is not surprising. I will not tell you to cheer up, but you can try to look at the positives. Little Eva is your Light - use that. Your minor victory clearing your useless Insurance. Do as I do and watch Comedies on tv. They will not change Moods, but a laugh or chuckle can bring a little relief, no matter how fleeting. I have never been one for making lists, I find them pointless, depressing exercises, but you write well - with feeling. Keep expressing yourself here and know your Friends are supporting you. Dave. |
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03-11-2015, 12:07 AM | #49 | ||
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Magnate
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Unfortunately replaying all the sadness and looking back to bring to light what sorrows to a depth that can bring one's depression even deeper.
Dave has a point when he mentions what might lift his spirits us. For each, it is different; but I try not to let myself go into the dispairing thoughts; but thoughts that might be more uplifting. Dwelling in sorrow; only too often leads to more sorrow and depression. Dearest Eva, I pray you can look at the good you have done and things that delight you; especially one who sings "You are my sunshine". Gerry |
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03-11-2015, 01:53 PM | #50 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Dear Gerry dear Dave
I have not said anything either I feel a lump like mass under my right arm pit The glands just bellow my ears where both upperers and lowers are held together It is swollen both sides am I nervous You bet My cancer I found in the right breast I don't talk about it All I say is something is not right To say stress has zero to do with my failing health If my hair could hurt it would IT'S JUST ALL OVER just had my shrink session Wants to start me on Effexor Please anybody on this medicine Kindly share what and how it affected you I have been put on several The trouble is my cancer drug was changed again back on the first one tamoxifen Femera added to the pain in my hands and feet To be known this be a side effect many complain about painful hands I had the stupid thaught my hands are useless already how much worse can my hands feel forget a scale of happy to sad faces indescribable So When on Femera I now had to also get off of Zoloft Bad withdrawals Even with careful proper weaning from it Sweating in the sleep cycle Must change clothes sometimes twice in the sleep hours Everything I wear is cotton already so i have had to walk away to do things for Eva Corissa is at her program she is slooooooooooooooooowly getting it i will be awaiting a call for a conference father should be there we will see we shall see till then i did all i could i hate utterly HATE how i feel being impeccable with my words for you both Jesus bestow upon my wonderful friends who remind me of my "sunshine" from my innocent grandchild may you find Joy from her natural giving of Love me
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 03-11-2015 at 03:43 PM. |
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