The Mother's Day for this lady
Was a sad one
My grandchild draws me a card
That inside she wants it to say
I love my mimma because
And she writes
Because she takes care of me
Something that means much to me
She feels taken care of
She feel protected
She feels at rest she is taken care of
What a relief
What a wonderful thing
To be thought of on such a large scale
Like she says to me now
"It's me and you mimma"
And she sings
"I believe I can fly"
Can you imagine
She is just precious
Precious
My saving Grace
There is a girl out there in the world
My youngest hurt her and she was told
not to speak with me anymore
Sad I feel for this smart you g lady
Will be enlisting
Is adopted and does not get along with stepparents
She is strong and was hurt by my child
Yet she asked me to be in her life as a family
And will be looking for her mom when she turns eighteen
The adoption was kept open unsealed
I hope to hear from her then
As she is very accepting of me as a mom
She would call me mom
And I could not refuse her reaching out as a family
I told her yes
I would be honored
Well
Stepmom did not take a liking to this and
ordered her not to text or call me ever
She would text me every morning
"Good morning mom hope you have a good day"
This is what the stepmom read
Apparently her phone was tampered with
But worried I am not
Threatened maybe
Though she would see that in my response to her text messages
Someone I will not turn my back on
until she asks
And she did
I pray she will be alright
I worry about her
She was adopted at three days old
Her mother then with another woman
now with a man she married
According to this young lady
she tries not to disappoint them
She says she has no relationship at all with the stepdad
And she tried with her stepmom
but nothing in the end
Encouraged I tried to let her know she is loved
But just won't have it
Not from them
She so badly wants to reach out to her real mom
She just sent me a picture of her
And she is truly a mirror image of her real mom it is scary
Till she turn eighteen
I told her to honor her stepparents
Her day will come and she will be with her real mom one day
It hurts a mother does not see her daughter is hurting and reaching out
She is obviously threatened
I might be too
Understanding
Me

She is in the hospital
Helpless she is
She expressed to me
Mom I have to get away from the father
She is living with the other grandmothers apartment
A son thirty
Never left home
The mother fears him
This is what my daughter is tired of
She is broken
She spoke about Jesus Christ
And her fight with her eldest sister
Who blames God for her seizures
And the chances are she too will test positive
for the mutation
Fought with her on Mother's Day
angry her sister would ask her
"Why would you tell Corissa's father she wasn't where she said she was going to be"
And the reason is the area my eighteen year old is walking the streets in the evening hours where everyday there is someone shot
Just by accident
Those kind of neighborhoods
And my eldest does not see anything wrong with this
And to lie
Here we go again
Lies
Lies
Lies
I cannot tell you how upset I am
And there isn't anything I can do about this
She just called
Not much to say
Told me she told psychiatrist about mutation
They are testing her for vitamin decencies
And I'm on the phone right this moment on hold for sixteen minutes with no return once to check up on me
As I write I'm on hold to tell them if she is prescribed antidepressants they will not help
THEY WILL NOT HELP UNTIL SHE TAKES THE FOLATE AND OTHER VITAMINS
nineteen minutes
Really
Really
Will write later
Me

And am waiting to hear from Corissa
She is now going to the hospital
Abdominal pains
Fever
Wanted to call me at three in the morning
But didn't
She was left home alone
No one to take her temp
I have my granddaughters mother in another hospital
What the **** am I suppose to do
I wrote my daughter if she needs me tell me
I haven't heard from her or her idiot father
This is when I should be getting a call
Not a word
Going to call her now

She has a kidney infection
And she is not okay
Her right kidney is the side
And he is staying the night
After she called for me
And I told her what she needs to tell them
And I'm not there
No this isn't okay
It isn't
I am beyond hurt sad worried you name it
I just want to disappear

I was used and abused again
All the things that make a mother nuts
To have a fever and kidney infection was because it was to late
It has been do long so ce she had a kidney infection
Fighting with her idiot father
Who questions my parenting
While I gave her history to my child to give to be dr doctor
Including the names of her surgeons
And I get *uuued in the end
Now I'm told after taking care of business
Including her father to stay overnight
Who know he just might leave
But my kid said ill call when the discharge me
I told her don't bother
I'm done being used for the last time
Two kids in the hospital at the same time
It s.u.c.k.s.
Me

How much longer
My God how much more
What else do you want me to go through
Strip me I do not understand
Do not want to feel anymore
But I do understand You are in control
How much more
You will just see to it until I stop asking
You are the only one that knows all about me
I hide nothing
I will not be a door mat
Or be judged
My God why
I am again awakened
To go through a day of what
I don't even want it to start
I should be welcoming my day
I am still compelled to pick up the phone
When will I stop
Do I have to stop
Is that how far I must go
I have no more to give
I am being raped now
And I want it to stop
I do not know how not to pick up the phone
I turn the machine off for two weeks but that's it
I have other calls I cannot get to
Really
Really
The way I feel is not a feel anyone should have to go through

My daughters in the hospital
One cannot handle life on its terms
Had a breakdown on Mother's Day
Since then she has been hanging on me
Once again
Mommy I can't go through this anymore
I can't live with him anymore
I'm not happy
So I listen
And listen
And tell her
You have a place
However you must leave the waitress business
It feeds her addictive ways
Will not give it up
Will not go to a meeting everyday to get her REAL MEDICINE JUST FOR AN HOUR
I will not be a doormat to my children
She is given the opportunity to get a proper job
I have the baby
Dammit
I stepped up when no one else could
And I'm still watching her
And as for my youngest
Calling me with chills
Not knowing to go to the hospital
103 fever
Her father took forever to get to her
She wouldn't let me take her
Even though I had the baby
I could have taken her
I make sure she has all the information needed
As I called my eldest to go to her
She of all people
I never left her f******side
Never
Ever
Did I leave them alone
She and he or my eldest knew what was done
As I had to get better at texing
It's the way of the world
I hate it
Text ever ******* thing that she needed to tell the ER doctor
It is not okay
And then all I have closest to me my sister
Only the youngest one
Will be here this weekend
She will stay and keep me company
I have this incredible mound of sadness that is crushing me
I feel like I am allowing all other getting the better of me
I allow what I let in or not
And with family
It very tricky
I get the boot at the end of the day
Shame on me for letting it happen
And the end of her settling in
And I make sure to the best of my ability
Not for her to be left alone
Her father was suppose to stay
He did not want to
I still won't know the truth about that
As my daughter was put on morphine drip
with antibiotics to get right to the infection
Now she hasn't had a kidney infection

I will bring up an issue I take issue with
I have a thirty three year old son who is gay
Came out junior or senior year
The whole time I thought he was going to kill himself
Sat me down told me
And my response was
"that's it"
I was so relieved
Now ever since Corissa left
Her behavior very worry some
Nothing but a troublesome path
Two weeks ago through a bisexual friend
Male
Gets his girls to have sex with through my daughter
She sees this and knows it isn't right
She told me about him
Yet now under her fathers care
I come to find this information from my child
herself
And because I questioned her father
Why dose t he know where she is
His response was
What am I suppose to do
Really
Are you kidding me
Now my child is ****** off
Because I'm telling her father
the people she is hanging with
This bisexual you g man
Maybe a bit older then my youngest
who is eighteen
introduced my daughter to this other bisexual man who had
UNPROTEDTED SEX WITH MY DAUGHTER
HOW DO I KNOW THIS
MY CHILD TOLD ME

And because I bring this to the forefront
How possible transmitted infection can happen
Not to mention other diseases and a possible sickle cell anemia child
She has the trait
Trait + Trait = 1 in 3 babies sickle cell anemia
Then
HPV
AIDS
HEP C
AND THE LIST GOES ON

You do not have to have sex to figure out if you are gay or not
Or even entertain it if confused
If anything figure out oneself then bring in another person
May they be the opposite sex or the same
It does not make a difference
One should be falling in love with who they are as a human being
Not to give up ones body I would tell my kids
Hold off at least for the six month mark
At that point one will find out much and the reasons why they stay in the relationship
Yet not a f*****g person sees this sex binge she is on
has very bad consequences to the

THE SEX IS UNPROTEDTED
IT IS NOT OKAY
TO HAVE a bisexual partner
Or any partner for that matter
And at the end of the day
My youngest tells me like her father
I'm making a big deal about everything

I began to utter the words
I will not be the bad guy here
She said to me
As she began to feel better in her room
Mom
Ill call when I'm discharged
I typed her
Don't bother
Your taken care if
I'm not a doormat
And I won't let her treat me like one

What else Father
What else
Me

Called her father
Left him a message
That it isn't okay if she is pregnant
If Corissa starts life like this
I'm done
What more am I to endure
My granddaughter mother
Not helping
As she will be returning back to her job
waitressing
I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear
What more
I have but only one place to turn
And I cannot endure one more thing

The utter disregard
The dismissive behavior
A phone call I receive
She is asking me to do something
Something that would only take her
1 block to walk
Could I search for her transcript
And hung up on me when I told her she needed
to go to a school to get them
I call HIM tell HIM that having her call and
ask for something I do not have and utterly
hurtful to please not allow her to do that
She is ignoring my test also
What happened
She isn't pregnant
Something I feared
Now to be cleared of diseases
Will take at least a year

Spent time with my my daughter
My grandchilds mother
We went
To the park to feed the geese
And in the bunch there was a white one
Just one
Now I know they did not just dump the birds in
the man made pond
But it was there
We spoke about many things
Many
Even asked wh she stopped hugging and kissing me hello or goodbye
I have so much in me that wants to come out
So much of me unknown
So much they don't know
It is so important to me
that they take the mutation seriously
My youngest I don't know what to think or say
It is beyond hurt at this point
I am withering rotting slowly
My body hurts with such intense pain
I want to scratch y skin off it burns and hurts so much
All on my right side
My entire right side
What is wrong with me
We went out for lunch
Went to a Brazilian restaurant
I have faith my child has been bitten by the rooms
I see it working
She is tired
Very tired
She reached out to my son
Turns out he to has lifted a demons
I pray for the obsession to be lifted
They will one day be who they were meant to be
My children still have a chance to some happiness
Divided we are
You have no idea how divided

Heavenly Father
Give this family a chance
to enjoy one another

Heavenly Father
Allow the obsession to be lifted

Heavenly Father
Allow that special someone into my life

Heavenly Father
Allow my grandchild a chance
to begin life without drama
Something she already understands
She tells me how she want to be grown up like me
I told her if that happens
She will have to become way more responsible
It is time to have lots and lots of fun
Not that a adult cannot have the same fun
But you get the picture

Heavenly Father
Allow us all to understand
What it is all for and about

We humans need to really stop and smell the flowers
Look at the birds
Look at the stars
Look into one another's eyes when speaking to them
Live a life of joy and happiness
Enough sorrow
Enough sadness
To be empowered is what I try and do every morning
Come here
Write my life away
Gives me purpose
To hope to send good messages
To be positive even in adversities that rip
through me like a storm
Love
Me

hi eva. i am so sorry you are having such a rough time. i hope you know that i am praying for you. i hope things get easier for you and that you can smile again. i am feeling pretty depressed myself. my brother texted me last week while he was in a foul mood and used me as his verbal punching bag again. i can't take the pain he is causing me anymore and think i really need to cut ties with him until he gets help. i know he is ill but i am sick too and am not able to deal with him anymore. i've tried my best but he keeps pushing me away in anger. i don't know why he just won't get help. what he has is cureable. what i have is not. i wish he would understand that. he has a chance to get better which is more then i can say for myself. hope your daughter gets the help she needs so she gets better too. love and hugs from me.

In advance I would like to say thank you for reaching out
It was on a sunny brisk march morning I was getting ready to go to my first AA meeting that was in 1990
It was only in 1992 I began to understand some of the things said
Such as staying away from the first drink
Just didn't get it
I did not get arrested ever
I never looked the part
I was never ordered to enter AA
it was something I recognized
I never since I left my home at seventeen
missed a rent payment
Never
I never missed any of my financial obligations
Including feeding and clothing my babies
Neither of my children's fathers were honest and lied about their financial status
Upon my divorce with three babies
No financial support
Ad nobody holding him accountable
I ALWAYS FAUGHT A LOUSEY SYSTEM THAT IS ALIVE BUT NOT UTILIZED IN A FASHION THAT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK
BUT NO THE CORRUPTION IS OUT OF CONTROL
nevertheless
I took on the job a busted my butt
I would look back and can see when I lost my privileges to a drink
After some number of years I developed princess hours
A hardcore full time overnight worker
Bringing in good money for the business
Twelve years full time
Tuesday night to Sunday morning
My nights off were Sunday and Monday
I also had been that mom on the block as we had the huge backyard I took care of
Loved it
Weeding was soothing
Especially on a crisp sunny morning
I miss that
I wish I owned my own home
With that it yard
Only if I win the lottery
Back to point
My disease was lifted after two years trying it my way
And once the obsession is lifted it does not stop there
This is where you and I are simultaneously
Only all my children are addicts in one way shape or form
And to have found a mutation (MTHFR MUTATION)
And to see the symptoms they harbor
Each and everyone of them on a very serious level
Gave them the information
And if they do not take action on the information
It's on them
And it's a big deal
Make no mistake
It is newly found
My eldest is in denial
As a recovering alcoholic
I understand addiction
I doesn't have to be only drugs or alcohol
I suffer from OCD err to the orderly and clean
And aware of it doesn't make it easier
We are diseased
I was predisposed
It spun out of control acquiring princess hours
And got off early one in the morning
Point
This is where I lost it
My managers
And in my career waitressing went through
Five overnight managers
Even the three brothers gave it a try
What try you wonder
Well
When I got the okay I could leave early
I would have a drink ready in advance awaiting

3/4 vodka
Even more
A splash of cranberry
Then would go to the bar up the block for a few more
This is where I know it all started
Hence I beg my daughter not to work that kind of job
I did it for reasons
She has no reason other then getting high
She has her license to be a phlebotomist
A degree in culinary
I don't get it
We are not to be their punching bags
And it damn hurts
I tell my children
Please tell me how not to care
Not to cry my heart out
Coming this far only to be a slave to pills
Never to have abused them to date
And if I should ever am to entertain such a thought
I would dump the pills and pick up a drink
I know what drinking does
When I was a young mother
Wine was alway with our dinner
Not a problem
To have accumulated time in AA is not something I agree with
For this person
As the serenity prayer so beautifully put
"And the wisdom to understand the difference"
We control ourselves
We have to stop being that punching bag
The hardest thing I am still going through
Is not talking to my children for the act of not talking to them
is so difficult
To hear they are not doing well hurts
I know the ROAD one must follow
You my dear friend have to become a bit selfish
he is not in a position to see what is going on
When active as he is
And verbally punching you
Time to get out of the way
My children have put themselves through so much already
You wonder when you get that phone call at a unnatural hour
and know something is wrong
I'm just afraid one day it will say to me
We need you to come and identify the body
You get it don't you
I have reason to worry
However
You and I are NOT WELL
we need to be well so if we choose to deal with them
they do not strip us of our power
I am here to help empower you
I come here and write my life away
It helps
It helps ME
NOW HELP YOURSELF
let's just do the only thing we can
PRAY
Remember
Going into the rooms
Must be his choice
And also once lifted if ever lifted
One needs to maintain in order to sustain
You are a awesome sister
He will one day see this
Time to pull back
Not walk away
Just step down
We are going through this together
I get it
Love yourself
We are not doormats
Here if you need me
Don't know what happened to yesterday's post on open profile
Live
Love
Me